Monthly Archives: June 2013

Schedule? What’s that?

Ok, so these past two weeks have been nothing short of crazy! First, the hubs went to Seattle the same week I shot a commercial for Wal Mart, hosted my cousins rehearsal dinner at our house, and had all of the other wedding festivities to attend to! The next week my sis was in town and then drove home and took my three big kids with her so they could go to their other families house in St George. Those weeks left me exhausted and thrown off track. It was trying to get back on my daily schedule that made me realize how bad I needed a schedule.

When my kids are home I’m crazy mean mom and don’t let them run astray all the day long. I have a schedule for them that is posted on the fridge and they know what activity to do at what time of the day. We have time set aside for breakfast, chores, scripture study, journal writing, exercise, reading, crafts/projects, and free time. Oh, we also have time in there for lunch and some “Clean up” times. But since they aren’t here I’m not following anyones schedule and it’s not good! I have found myself more tired and less energetic. I have started projects and not finished them. And I have woken up at 10 almost every morning. I mean, I get up with the baby at 6 and then go back to sleep with her at 7 and then we wake up again at 10. On Sunday I had decided to rededicate myself and took the advise of a lactation specialist and upped my daily calories. It was the hardest thing in the world to do. I get the reasoning behind it. I don’t want to dip too far down in calories where my milk supply vanishes. This cute little 15 week old is the most important thing. So I went into myfitnesspal and changed my calorie goal to increase by 200 cals a day. I weighed this morning and am down almost 3 lbs since Sunday. What. The. Heck. I’m happy about it, but still very cautious!


So. I’ve decided that my schedule-less days are a thing of the past, I must schedule and stick to the times I have scheduled to exercise. Last night I invited myself to one of my besties house to use her pool. I treaded water “vigorously” for 20 min and burned like 300 cals! It was nice to be in the pool {it’s like 400 degrees here. Not really. But tomorrow our high is 117—practically 400 if you ask me!} and it was something different than going on my treadmill or doing a workout DVD. It got me outside and while my legs burned I chatted with my friend while she and I vigorously burned those calories and the time actually went pretty quickly. It was nice!  This week I will focus on getting back on my schedule, increasing my water in take, and eating more veggies!

Hope everyone has a great week! And if you want to see the cutest way ever to burn calories, go check out my blog and watch my girl get the giggles… it’s really to die for!





I have run 10 miles this week. Worked out all my muscles to the point of  exhaustion. More than once. I am sore. I have been sweaty and smelly. I thought I had lost weight according to the scale on Friday, but today not so much.

With family visiting from Georgia and Sri Lanka, then Father’s Day,  I have been MIA.

Now with all the fires burning in the state, the air is filled with smoke all the time. It’s hard to be outside, let alone run or do anything else. It’s easy to sit inside without the ash falling on your head and your lungs burning. Not so good for trying to workout.

Hubby has started a new diet. I have mixed emotions about that.  Mainly because I know all he has to do is cut out sugar or carbs or butter, or tic tacs, and he will drop 10 lbs by the end of the week without ever breaking a sweat! Annoying!

School is kicking my butt right now and when I made time for me and the gym, I fell behind this past week. Makes it a little hard to want to continue that pattern this week. I must admit. I’m heading to bed early tonight with the idea of getting up early to workout to try to get it all in.

Wish me luck!

Sweat it out

Worked out 4 (count them FOUR) days in a row this week.

My weight is exactly the same.

I hate it when that happens…but I know all of the ways my body weight fluctuates from week to week and as long as I keep working hard it will show in my weight soon enough.

I forgot how good I feel after a workout. When I’m on the bike in spin/cycling class and it is getting harder I try to think about all of things I want/don’t want for Future AB. Picturing myself in good health and doing the things I love (as opposed to sitting around my house wishing I could do those things) helps me find that oomph I need to keep going, push harder.

After my workout I’m starving and wanting to eat something healthy. Don’t want to counteract all the good I just did! Still having weakness late at night but working on putting myself to bed when I’m tired.

Hating my clothes less, too. I know it’s not their fault, but it sure was easy to blame them for how unbecoming I felt….feel. Workout more = feel more becoming in my clothing. (Is that an old lady word: becoming? Oh well, have I mentioned I’m 42? I can use old lady words)

Tami, my cycle class buddy will be on a camping trip this week. One I used to go on, too, but life needs me at home this year. My goal this week is to get to class even without her here and spend some time playing with my boys in the pool. It’s hot enough!

Wish me luck!

Midweek Matters

I love this article by an overweight woman with a skinny, hot boyfriend.

Check it out here.

My hubs weighs about a buck fifty. I can relate.

Don’t be judgey. EVERYONE in a realtionship has faults/flaws/features their partner accepts with the whole yummy package. Everyone.

Me and Taylor Swift

I weighed in and even with all of the mucus taking up residence in my head (I think my head is three pounds heavier than usual) I am down more than two and a half pounds to this…

2013-06-14 weigh in

I never, ever, ever want to see that 240 (or any weight above it) again. Ever. Serious as a Taylor Swift break up song. (Don’t you love my summer inspired blue sparkly toes?! Rae treated me to a birthday pedicure last week. She’s the best!)

I found inspiration and strength through my prayers and scripture study this week. Of course, the inspiration wasn’t all for my battle with the scale, but that clearly shows. I found that when I looked for satisfaction or fulfillment in desserts I was left wanting. It made those things less attractive. I renewed my love/hate relationship with cycling class. I hate going but love how I feel afterward…and love that I have a designated time to hang out with Tami. Sometimes we chat almost as much as we cycle but we always sweat buckets….well, I do…don’t want to speak for Tami 😉

Autumn and Rae use the myfitnesspal app to track their stats. I used to use for that purpose. Now I find myself wondering which app to use. Problem is…I’m not very good at record keeping. Maybe this week I will spend a day using each and pick the one that best. I’m having a hard time motivating  myself to use one at all. I find I get discouraged by my lack or by the time it takes to keep track.

Do I get easily discouraged? Or am I just a big complainer? Whatever. I blame the nasal drip and cough this morning.

Continuing the same goal for this week, plus more spin, add in some swimming, and eating my veggies. Looking forward to a great week….if I can get over this nasty summer cold.

Wish me luck!

feeling funky

Since February I have:

  • finished my Associates degree in Psychology (it sounds so unimpressive in a bullet point but it has been a long and rocky road…not the kind with almonds and marshmallows either)
  • had surgery (which seems to have improved a “girl problem” I was having)
  • went with my daughter on a campus tour of her dream school, Brigham Young University (two short years away…if I think about it too long I will cry)
  • celebrated (mourned?) my baby’s 7th birthday (I will call him “my baby” no matter how old he gets)
  • prayed in gratitude for friends who do the work of angels (if you don’t have any, let me know…I can hook you up)
  • prayed for medical miracles (for both my dad and my step-dad)
  • turned 42 (yesterday…but I still don’t act feel like I am in my 40s)
  • gained 7 pounds (SEVEN!)

Today was the last day of the school year for my two boys. SUMMER! My daughter and I were finished last week but I have been looking forward to when we were all here – out of school – and without commitments to really start prioritizing me. Instead, I feel like I’m wandering around the house not sure of what I should do, afraid to eat anything that isn’t a vegetable, and the only “workout” that sounds good is going to the pool for a few hours with my boys.

Is there such a thing as an end-of-the-school-year-funk? Because I think I am in it.

Or maybe it’s an I-just-turned-42-and-still-haven’t-gotten-rid-of-this-weight-funk.

Either way, I’m trying to climb out of it.

I want to start logging my blood sugar levels regularly, keeping a food journal (Really? Do I?), and recording my workouts. Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that I want to want to do all of that.

I’ve been in this weight loss battle before. I know how hard it is. I think that is what is holding me back from jumping in with both feet, ready for the icy plunge. I haven’t had a lot of success. How many times do I have to be unsuccessful before I just accept that I will always be fat? I don’t want to always be fat. I hate HATE this body. My dad’s health problems have given me a front row seat to my future if I cannot get a handle on this now!

In the New Testament, more than once, Paul preaches about finding strength in our weaknesses through Christ. Perhaps, many believe this only refers to a spiritual strength, but I believe that every weakness we have, whether it is a penchant for sweets or for shoplifting doesn’t matter, but all our weaknesses are an opportunity to lean on the Lord. He gave me this body as a gift. He has even given me guidelines on how to treat it. He has given me weakness so that I can learn to depend upon Him instead of on the hand of flesh (which is a fancy way of saying not to be a slave to physical cravings and desires).

I used to have a great love of Diet Coke. My body was dependent upon that cafffeine every single day. I didn’t really want to give it up. I loved my habit, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord’s counsel to not be addicted to anything. I needed to. I tried and gave up several times. Then something clicked and I stopped. Now it’s been about six years since I have had caffeine. I feel better and I don’t really miss it.

Part of me whispers that if I can replace my love of Diet Coke with a love of drinking water, then I can definitely make the sacrifices and changes I need to get rid of this weight. But it is a whisper and sometimes there are really loud doubts trying to get my attention, too.

I am going to trust in the Lord. Trust that He loves me, one of his spirit daughters, and that He will help me to find the strength I need to overcome my weaknesses, those weaknessess that keep me from getting rid of my fat. Prayer and scripture study is my goal for this week. If I rely on the Lord then everything else will come naturally.

Wish me luck…or better yet, I’d appreciate any prayers on my behalf.

Hide It….and stick to it!

Sorry I missed yesterday, I was crazy. I’m not even sure where the entire day went, but before I knew it it was 12:17 am and I was climbing into bed!

Last weekend I had a birthday party to attend. Before I went to the party I decided I was going to work out to hopefully curb the urge to make not so good choices.  At the party  they served chips, pizza, and an amazing looking cake. I sat and sipped on my water and did not indulge on the “devil food” lol. When it was time for the cake I took one bite of my son’s slice and that was it. One bite! I was so proud of myself!! I felt like that was a huge accomplishment. The next morning I got up and did my usual morning routine (bathroom, nurse, bathroom, weigh) and I had GAINED?! What in the world?! I was so so so pissed off discouraged! I had been working so hard! I have been logging my food, exercising, doing everything I needed to and I GAINED?! How could this be? I came out in tears. Yes, tears. I told my husband how frustrated I was and that I didn’t understand. To which he replied, “you’ve got to stop weighing every day. You know your weight fluctuates. You have to stop”. He was right and I knew it. So I gave him the scale and told him to hide it and under no circumstances was he to give it back to me until Thursday.

I worked hard this week. Hard. I logged my food (find me on myfitnesspal mrsebg), stayed under my calories most days, exercised, and drank gallons of water. On Tuesday I had a good convo with my surgeon I worked for and who gave me my lapband (gotta love knowing I can call the man morning, noon, or night and he would picke up…it’s pay back for all the times he called me on my cell those same hours! 😉 ). I told him I thought I was going to come in for a fill soon but I was very nervous my milk supply would suffer because of it. You see, as much as I want to lose this baby weight and some, it is more important to me that my baby is breast fed her first year. My health is important because the nutrients I take in are feeding her. So after asking me how many calories I was consuming, how much water I was drinking, and how often I was working out he told me something I was a little shocked at. “Autumn, you’re not coming in for a fill. You want to nurse the first year? Your baby is 12 weeks old. I’ll see you in about 10 months if you still need one. You don’t worry about the weight. It will come off if you stick to what you’re doing. But don’t mess with a fill, you don’t want it to mess with your supply” If I stick to what I’m doing. Stick. To. What. I’m Doing. I can do that!!!

So, Thursday morning I wake up and do my routine and step on the scale. I closed my eyes and then looked….down 4lbs!!!!!! I was so happy!!! All that sweat and passing of good food paid off!!! All that going to bed hungry unsatisfied was worth it!!!

This week I’m going to face some challenges. The hubs is away on business and my cousin is getting married! So… Thursday is her shower at Old Spaghetti Factory, Friday is her rehearsal dinner at my house, and Saturday is her wedding. But I can make good choices knowing what I have to face and having it planned out.

My challenge to everyone this week is to hide your scale and stick to what you’re doing!!!

Ohhh… and here’s my favorite dessert recipe that I’ve been loving for a cold treat that’s not so bad on calories!

1 frozen banana

1tsp coco powder

1tsp peanut butter

splash of milk

combine all ingredients in your blender (I have a nutribullet so it crushes through those frozen bananas like no ones business—however if you don’t you can leave the bananas out to soften for about 10 min.) and enjoy! This yummy treat is 212 cals for 1 cup of yummy ice cream deliciousness! 🙂


Have a great week!



Nike+ kinect training

The weekly reporting of nothing to report really started to mess with my head. But months and months of not writing on here makes me feel guilty. Not that there is still anything to report, but I like to think that my posting gives some support. At least to my other blogger authors, if not to the readers.

Ok so honesty time. I’ve been working out four times a week for about a half hour doing Nike kinect training. Yes, we are a very technological home. And yet these workouts kick my trash. This is not your wii exercising, or even the other kinect fitness games that are out there. Trust me we have tried out a few workout “games”. This is no game.

They assess your abilities by asking you to do several exercises and then you choose a goal and they put together workouts for you. I chose “get lean” as my goal; they also have “get strong” and “get toned” as goals. From here you get to tell it how many times a week you will workout and what days. I did four: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. You can do more or less. No judgement from the game they just put you to work.

I do two kinds of workouts, cardio and strength. High knees, mountain climbers, burpees, star jumps, sumo squats, planks, wood chops, lunges, and one and a half squats have become so well known my three year old can do them by name. I started this workout knowing that I wouldn’t weigh in anymore. I want to be healthier not just skinnier. Thing is after four months now I am a little scared I will weigh in and the scale won’t be any different. I dreamt last night that I weigh in at more. I don’t want to be discouraged again. This workout routine is working for me. So I am afraid the scale matters a little too much for me. I won’t be weighing in anytime soon and thus will have nothing to report. So, I am afraid I won’t be blogging every week. I do read every post on here though.

Keep going scale matters bloggers!


I have been disgusted frustrated with my feelings about this blog.  I know this is a place of support and encouragement, but I have been embarrassed at how horrible I’ve been lately, so I fell into a familiar “ignore it and it will go away” mode that is a complete lie.  I’m tired of lying to myself and I didn’t see any good in coming here to spew ugliness.  But you’ve asked for it…I really hate the way I look right now.  I only see the outside and that isn’t looking so good.  I know I need to look past that/through that.  Whatever!  It’s where I am.  I really hate the lumps and bumps that weren’t there 6 months ago.  Gaining, losing, gaining, losing, gaining.  The weight comes back in ugly places.  Ugh!

My sweet cousin started a challenge for her dance group.  I crashed it.  It started last week and I blew it off…completely!  What a way to start a challenge.  I tried and failed again?!  No!  I celebrated my birthday!  Serious celebrations!  and then I picked up my booty and got busy this week.  I’m drinking a tub full of water a day and I  have only had 2 DC’s/day.  That’s huge for me!  I have exercised 2 days in a row for at least 30 minutes.  I have a pedometer and I’m even counting my steps – more than 10,000 today.  I have a vision board full of motivational things that I’ve posted all over and I’m speaking them out loud to myself every morning, telling myself what I want to become in the present tense as if I’m already there.  I am keeping a food diary (love myfitnesspal) and would love an accountability friend on it.  I have learned that it doesn’t show weight #’s, only weight lost.  It doesn’t show the food I ate, only if I posted for the day, so I’m not going to see any of yours either.  What do you say?

Maybe a few months late, but I’m back in the game…Are you ready to brush off all the negatives with me?  I’ve got a deep well full of them, but one by one I’m conquering them, and finding me again. If you can’t find me, check the nearest bathroom.  I live there now!drink-more-water-quote

Oscar the Grouch

I’m a little late, I know. I debated about not posting at all. I hate the idea of all my posts just being a depressing rant that doesn’t do anyone any good except maybe me. Who wants to read sad posts week after week anyway? Yet that is where I am. I am frustrated, angry, bitter, and sad.

I want so much to be happy when I read my fellow surviving blogger’s posts about losing weight each week. It’s awesome what she is doing. How great it is that she is getting it done and seeing results. I shouldn’t have any resentment, right? Especially when I didn’t spend 50 minutes on a treadmill. I do though. I am an awful, terrible person.

Or am I just human?

I am happy for you Autumn. I am! Maybe it is seeing your success brings my failure blindingly to the front? Maybe the fact that a woman with a newborn is killing it and I do not have that excuse!

What’s my excuse?! Why is the scale up this week?! Why am I sinking even deeper?!

Sigh! I find myself reaching for my “fat” pants, something I haven’t done in a long time. Every time I do, I am reminded of my husband’s words, “Now that you are in smaller pants, you should get rid of all your bigger clothes so you aren’t tempted to fall back.” I did get rid of most of my pants. Mainly because I hate clothes shopping so much that I will wear a pair of pants until they are holey and indecent. These one pair have the widest legs, waist and aren’t so thread bare yet that I can’t/shouldn’t wear them. I kept them “just in case.” They are still big on me, but for how much longer?

I went in this week for a year checkup on my sleep disorders. None of my treatments or meds seem to be working any more. The doctor was pleased when he saw my weight. “You’ve lost!” “No, actually I’ve gained!” I’m down from where he last saw me, so he’s pleased, but I know how much better it could have been. I still left not only with another year worth of prescriptions, but a new one as well. It feels like a defeat to be put on more pills. Pills for nighttime. Pills for daytime. This is stupid!

Honesty, right? We are suppose to be honest. Well this is the yucky side of the yo-yo. I don’t think I am the only one that goes through this. But, Maybe I am.

I spent 20 minutes on the eliptical this morning. That’s all I had time for and I really didn’t want to be doing that at 6am, but I did. And something is better than nothing. Hopefully I can get something done every day!

I love ya Autumn! I am proud of you! You go and don’t look back!!!


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