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Good Riddance 2014.

It was a tough year for me personally. I found some success improving my healthy habits which resulted in shedding a few pounds (I still have a ways to go), but other parts of my life were… challenging.

In the past few years I’ve been more involved in helping my dad out: doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, balancing his checkbook & paying his bills. This summer I found him on the floor and unable to get up which started nearly 6 months of being in & out of the hospital and nursing home with only a few short weeks in between where he was home…and fell again. He was pretty steadily getting crankier, needing more attention, and finally began to refuse treatments. I drove the 20 miles to see him at the nursing home 3 and 4 times a week. Because of his condition and refusing medical treatment he started getting confused easily, too, so we never knew what to expect when we went to check on him. The kids and I had a wonderful Christmas visit with him last week and then on Sunday he was no longer responsive. By Monday morning his breathing stopped and he was gone. My daddy died. He was only 73.

This is the hardest loss I’ve ever had to cope with. Yesterday, I spent most of the day crying at the drop of a hat and hiding in my room. But because I have children I put on a brave face and hung out with them to count down to the New Year. Perhaps all the yelling and throwing of Pop-Its was cathartic because as I got into bed I felt a little better. I felt ready to get to work.

Part of that work is getting back into my fitness routine that I abandoned as the holidays came. Healthy eating and exercise will be necessary to combat what I found when I stepped on the scale this morning.

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The pounds are creeping back on! NOOOOOO!!!!

My dad and I both have…had… Type II Diabetes. I was diagnosed younger than him. He never really changed his habits and that was part of the reason his health was so bad. I don’t want to make the same mistake. It’s going to be a tough battle to get rid of this extra weight but I know it will be worth it! Maybe I won’t get rid of the Diabetes but I will get healthy.

This morning I woke with the same desire to get to work and with a need to spend time with my family.  I suggested we go on a family hike. The closest hiking trail to us is a loop. My husband, our boys, and our cute doggy, Lula, hit the trail. About a quarter of a mile in the trail splits and you can take one of two trails: a 2 mile or 5 mile loop. The hubs and I agreed we were in the mood for the long loop.

I’d never done the long loop before and I’m not sure I knew what I was getting myself into (my legs are already sore), but the views were both a reward and a triumph. This is at the top of the trail before we started descending. I swear it was the highest point surrounding our valley. It was so fulfilling to stand up there and look how far away the car was parked!
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That hike was exactly what I needed.

The other part of getting to work is learning how to exist without my dad. I have lots to keep me busy (going through his stuff and getting his place on the market is not a small task), but I know I will miss him in unexpected moments.

This morning I wrote in my journal and when I was finished I turned the page. The sight of these clean, fresh pages coincided with exactly how I was feeling this morning.
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It is time for a fresh start and I am ready for the task. Coincidentally (or perhaps not so coincidentally) it came on the first day of 2015. I’ve only made one resolution for this new year and I think it fits nicely with all that is happening in my life right now: I will not give up on myself, on my goal of ridding myself of this excess weight. Happy 2015!

Wish me luck.

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Embracing the Ugly

 

 

You know those inspiring fitness memes? They say things like, “It’s better to be sore than sorry” or quote someone famous (like Buddha or Marilyn Monroe). There is usually a black and white picture of a super fit chick with sweat dripping off her muscles to accompany the uplifting words.

I don’t look like those when I work out.

In a yoga class recently I took a good look at myself in the mirror. It was difficult to accept what I saw. I think I’ve seen myself with some sort of mental filter in my mirrors at home. The mirror at the gym has no filters, real or imagined. It is unforgiving. I did not like what I saw, but I did not let the figure in the mirror get me down:

  • I was at the gym doing yoga!
  • I even went without a friend, on my own!
  • I have grossly cut back on the amount of crap junk food and snacks I was eating!
  • I have been intentionally adding more fruits & vegetables to my diet!

These changes to my behavior and working on improving my good habits have resulted in this

2013-12-20 weigh in

This is SEVEN POUNDS down from September. I’m trying to make a big deal out of it because I’m not really feeling accomplished. I’m still measuring myself against where I was before I started slipping back into nasty old habits (in case you’re wondering, I have four whole pounds more to lose to get to my lowest since starting this blog). It feels like I wasted so much time by gaining that weight back. I don’t want to waste time again.

Which is why I’m sticking to my anti-treat goals and set some specific exercise goals (2 spin classes, 1 yoga class and at least one additional workout each week).

Not wanting to waste my time losing the same lbs again is good motivation to work hard. Really wanting to get below my lowest weight (since starting scale matters) is an even bigger motivator. The desire to be too small for my smallest pair of jeans, to fit back into a favorite skirt from years gone by, to comfortably spend an afternoon on my feet, to  hike/swim/bike at pace with my family, those desires are all reasons I can look into those harsh gym mirrors and see this…

2013-12 spin selfiewithout crying and running from the gym. (This was an emotionally difficult selfie to share. I hope you appreciate my courage!)

Sometimes I wonder what goes through the instructor’s head or the other people’s heads when they see me in a spin class. Those classes are intense. I get pretty beet red and watching all that fat jiggle when I’m giving it my all…it doesn’t look anything like those sexy, inspiring memes. When I start to worry that people are mocking me in my head, I remind myself that I’m not at the gym to be their eye candy (ha!) or flirt (happily married for 18 years) nor does it matter what anyone else interprets from my working out.

I am there for me.

Going to spin class means afterward I don’t seem to crave sweets as much. When yoga class is over my stress has decreased and I can relax more easily. Every day that I workout makes me less anxious stepping on the scale for my weekly weigh in. Every week that I lose weight makes it easier to accept my results, reinforces those healthy habits, and brings me a little closer to seeing the me I expect when I look in the mirror… even the mean & nasty gym mirror.

5 days until Christmas and I’m planning to stick to my goals even during these holidays. (If Santa brings me a pair of spin shoes that clip into the pedals, it would be even more fun to stick to my goals!)

 

Wish me luck!

…and may your holidays be merry!

 

 

 

Mulligan

I am not a golfer but I love the concept (and the name) of getting a do-over. I have not failed in my attempts. I have let other challenges take priority so I stalled. But here I am again ready to get back on track. I will start from where I am.

MULLIGAN.

2012-12-28 weigh in

Last week I posted about drinking water and I have been. *pat myself on the back* One of my friend’s pointed out that when the weather is (California) chilly it takes more of an effort to remember to drink enough water. I made the effort and it paid off. I was peeing every 30 minutes during our family party, but it paid off.

This week I am taking some time to stragtegize. I want to set some goals for myself along with some rewards. I am going to plan specifics on how/when I will get my exercise. I wish I could say I am going to do some meal planning, but, being honest here, we will see.

There are still a few Christmas goodies hanging around. I’m avoiding them. I won’t be indulging in ice cream like I have this past week. My husband is taking me out to look for a bike today. I haven’t owned one in ages, but I am excited at the possibility.

Wish me luck.

 

Step away from the cookies……

…….and no one gains weight!

How are you doing with all the food that is EVERYWHERE!?

I have indulged a little more than I would have hoped I would. I am getting about 3 workouts a week, again not what I had planned, but I shan’t complain as that appears to be better than some. (No Judgement Ladies! Believe me, I know life gets in the way!) I plan to have hubby drop me off at the gym while he goes and does his annual waited-until-the-last-minute-and-must-go-shopping-now event.

The first years we were married he would try and pretend that he wasn’t shopping for me on Christmas Eve. ‘I’ve just got to get some wrapping paper.” “I ran out of ribbon.” “I hid your presents at a friend’s house and have to go get them.” It wasn’t long before I learned the “friend” was named The Mall. LOL! He doesn’t try to hide it now.

When we were engaged he tried to convince me that we should get married on Christmas. One day for him to remember, Christmas, anniversary, and my birthday all in one shot. (Yes, my b-day is on Christmas hence the name “Kris” as in Kringle. I was suppose to be a boy.) I have to remind him now how much more in trouble he would be trying to shop for 3 important dates at the last minute. He still thinks it would have been an awesome idea. Men!

This year I will begin my birthday with a workout! That’s my plan. I would prefer it be sleeping in but as I have  preschoolers, the excitement will not keep them in bed. Hubs will not be home from working the ER until afternoon, there will be no opening of presents until then. Since I will be up, I might as well start a new year of life off right.

I hope you all remember the reason for the Season and spend some wonderful time with loved ones!

Merry Christmas!!

happy hydrated holidays

I know I’ve been MIA the last month. Life just keeps happening and my fitness goals are taking a backseat. I will take the opportunity to renew my commitment with the new year. In the meantime, my one goal (and advice I would share) is to make sure I am drinking my 8 glasses of water each day. When I make sure I’m drinking water it helps my skin (which is dying from this crazy unusual California cold), my appetite (oh so many plates of hand delivered, homemade treats!), and keeps me away from those unhealthy beverages.

May your Christmas be merry, bright, and full of love!

Happy New Year!

I fell so far off the diet wagon I almost hit the ground so hard it shattered every hope in my body. While I was doing it I kept thinking about a sign I had read at Target that said “Christmas Calories Don’t Count.”  However, looking back now, I still didn’t do as bad as I used to. I figure I’m improving and that’s all that matters. I filled my plates as full as vegetables as I thought was fair to the others who I was supposed to share the bowl with. I still tried to only take a little of what I thought looked delicious. Desserts can be so hit and miss with me it’s ridiculous.  Either I want to eat the whole plate or I can pass completely and Christmas is one of those times I can pass on most all desserts. The desserts I did partake of I feel like I did good at limiting myself to a few bites.

Anyway, Christmas is almost in the past (my family went out-of-town for Christmas so I still have some left to celebrate on Sunday). You can’t change the past so I’m going to try to stop living in it. The present is all I can do anything about.  It’s a new year, a new start, full of promising changes and comforting traditions. Do you make resolutions? I have a hard time making them because it’s almost expected that you wont be able to keep them all year. Goals. I seem to make them weekly if not monthly. They are almost always similar too. I obviously don’t enjoy cleaning, cooking, waking up early or working out because these are the areas I am always trying to make goals in. So this year I think I will try to find ways to make these things more fun or at least easier for me to do.

My suggestion to you at this time of year is to not dwell on the things you need to change about your life. You are AWESOME, how can you make your life more awesome?

I feel like at this time of year I can feel so down on myself and come up with twenty million things to change about the way I live my life.  For example: I don’t do a schedule so well. I have friends that are AWESOME at having scheduled playtime with their kids and cleaning days and the like.  But being flexible is something I like about me. I need to figure out some other way to make sure everything gets done before bedtime and I can accomplish just as much as my super awesome friends, Right?

RIGHT?

Best laid plans…

I just ate a cookie. It wasn’t even homemade.

This morning for breakfast I ate several sticky buns. Those were homemade…and delicious.

The sticky buns started me on a downward spiral. Maybe I should give myself a pass for Christmas, but I set a specific goal to weigh significantly less by the new year. In the crazy, busy prep for today I didn’t even weigh myself or blog on Friday. No wonder it is so hard to maintain, let alone lose weight during the holidays.

But I’m not waiting until New Year’s day to start again. I’m starting again right now.

This week is going to be tough. My regular workout is off for the next 2 weeks. We’re still partying with family for a few days. Kids and I are home and working on not driving each other crazy for at least another week. Luckily I’m going to stay with Rae for a couple of days. That should encourage some good habits…2 bloggers, both accountable to you lot, hanging out…we’d better control ourselves!!!

Other than hoping their is strength in numbers I need specific plans. Tomorrow my sis and I are going to go for a walk or a hike or just workout together. The rest of the week I need to get at least 20 minutes of exercise in each day to make up for everything I ate this weekend. And I really need to eat my vegetables!

I’ll report in for the last time this year on Friday. Until then…

Wish me luck!

Merry Christmas Wishes

Christmas is here!  As we celebrate Christmas, it wouldn’t be right not to have an account of Christ’s birth, the reason for the season. God Bless you all!!!                    Hey, put down that sugar cookie!  😉

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

No more excuses..

Before I get completely BUSTED by AB, I thought I better get my blog out early this week. LOL. “Crazy” does not even begin to describe all of the madness of my household at the moment, so I am taking a moment for me to catch you all up.

 A couple of blogs ago, I made myself a promise that by the time my in-laws arrived (last week) that I would be in the 230’s. I was weighing 241 and it was driving me insane. Eating has not been my friend. Visitors, while a welcome distraction, do not eat the same as someone like me. So I was worried when I hopped on the scale today. Did I totally blow my goal, or be too ashamed to admit my defeat and avoid weighing altogether??? I put on my big girl panties and approached the white witch aka..my scale. LOL. I literally got on and off FOUR TIMES to make sure what I was seeing was true… 237.0!! I succeeded, even with all the temptations and excuses for poor eating. I feel as though I am a superhero of the weight loss community.

 So now the next challenge lays ahead of me. We are moving. Ummm…this weekend. The stress and drama of it can sway eating to the dark side, and I am going to fight it with all the force I possess. I am not going to promise I will exercise more, because it has been insane packing and running up and down the three floors we are moving out of. BUT, I will not make an excuse to eat bad. It isn’t worth it. I feel better than I have in years, and I don’t want to lose sight of that. I am including a recent picture, taken at the Christmas Tree lighting on December 3rd. I actually LOVE it. And that is all the motivation a girl needs sometimes =)

Death still sucks

I lost my uncle this week. I know. It’s unreal how many people around me have died in the last 6 weeks. People are starting to think it’s dangerous to associate with me. I’m starting to think they are right.

I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of coping. I’m tired of starting to excited for something (like Christmas and a break from school) only to have my parade rained out. This week I was in finals and trying really hard to not think about how my amazing Uncle Bart will never give me that loving look of praise again or call me “AB”. He’s the one who gave me the nickname when I was a munchkin. There won’t be another holiday where we are all sitting around waiting to eat because he will be here “soon”. How boring is that?!

I didn’t step on scale this week. I didn’t even exercise. I did take 4 finals and go to my check up at the doctor’s office.

My weight loss was as expected and I won’t know until next week what my A1C is…but I have a feeling that he’ll be upping my medication. Because despite my efforts in both diet and exercise my blood sugar has still been high. My blood pressure was high, too, but he’s giving me a pass because of my week. I have to go back in a few weeks to have it checked again.

Please, please do not make me go on an additional medication for that!

Since my schedule will be freed up after tomorrow afternoon (services for Uncle Bart), my plan for the week is to exercise every day Monday thru Saturday for at least 30 minutes. Cleaning the house won’t count. I’m going to get lots of water in and watch my carb intake. More veggies. And I’m going to pray every day that it’s a long time before someone else I love dies, because I need a doggone break. I would like to spend this Christmas season enjoying the people I love and not stressing out about anything. I hope that is not too much to ask.

Wish me luck!

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