feeling funky

Since February I have:

  • finished my Associates degree in Psychology (it sounds so unimpressive in a bullet point but it has been a long and rocky road…not the kind with almonds and marshmallows either)
  • had surgery (which seems to have improved a “girl problem” I was having)
  • went with my daughter on a campus tour of her dream school, Brigham Young University (two short years away…if I think about it too long I will cry)
  • celebrated (mourned?) my baby’s 7th birthday (I will call him “my baby” no matter how old he gets)
  • prayed in gratitude for friends who do the work of angels (if you don’t have any, let me know…I can hook you up)
  • prayed for medical miracles (for both my dad and my step-dad)
  • turned 42 (yesterday…but I still don’t act feel like I am in my 40s)
  • gained 7 pounds (SEVEN!)

Today was the last day of the school year for my two boys. SUMMER! My daughter and I were finished last week but I have been looking forward to when we were all here – out of school – and without commitments to really start prioritizing me. Instead, I feel like I’m wandering around the house not sure of what I should do, afraid to eat anything that isn’t a vegetable, and the only “workout” that sounds good is going to the pool for a few hours with my boys.

Is there such a thing as an end-of-the-school-year-funk? Because I think I am in it.

Or maybe it’s an I-just-turned-42-and-still-haven’t-gotten-rid-of-this-weight-funk.

Either way, I’m trying to climb out of it.

I want to start logging my blood sugar levels regularly, keeping a food journal (Really? Do I?), and recording my workouts. Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that I want to want to do all of that.

I’ve been in this weight loss battle before. I know how hard it is. I think that is what is holding me back from jumping in with both feet, ready for the icy plunge. I haven’t had a lot of success. How many times do I have to be unsuccessful before I just accept that I will always be fat? I don’t want to always be fat. I hate HATE this body. My dad’s health problems have given me a front row seat to my future if I cannot get a handle on this now!

In the New Testament, more than once, Paul preaches about finding strength in our weaknesses through Christ. Perhaps, many believe this only refers to a spiritual strength, but I believe that every weakness we have, whether it is a penchant for sweets or for shoplifting doesn’t matter, but all our weaknesses are an opportunity to lean on the Lord. He gave me this body as a gift. He has even given me guidelines on how to treat it. He has given me weakness so that I can learn to depend upon Him instead of on the hand of flesh (which is a fancy way of saying not to be a slave to physical cravings and desires).

I used to have a great love of Diet Coke. My body was dependent upon that cafffeine every single day. I didn’t really want to give it up. I loved my habit, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord’s counsel to not be addicted to anything. I needed to. I tried and gave up several times. Then something clicked and I stopped. Now it’s been about six years since I have had caffeine. I feel better and I don’t really miss it.

Part of me whispers that if I can replace my love of Diet Coke with a love of drinking water, then I can definitely make the sacrifices and changes I need to get rid of this weight. But it is a whisper and sometimes there are really loud doubts trying to get my attention, too.

I am going to trust in the Lord. Trust that He loves me, one of his spirit daughters, and that He will help me to find the strength I need to overcome my weaknesses, those weaknessess that keep me from getting rid of my fat. Prayer and scripture study is my goal for this week. If I rely on the Lord then everything else will come naturally.

Wish me luck…or better yet, I’d appreciate any prayers on my behalf.

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Posted on June 7, 2013, in AB and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I love you AB and you are right, we are strong when we rely on him! I KNOW you can do it. Sending prayers your way!!

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