Since February I have:
- finished my Associates degree in Psychology (it sounds so unimpressive in a bullet point but it has been a long and rocky road…not the kind with almonds and marshmallows either)
- had surgery (which seems to have improved a “girl problem” I was having)
- went with my daughter on a campus tour of her dream school, Brigham Young University (two short years away…if I think about it too long I will cry)
- celebrated (mourned?) my baby’s 7th birthday (I will call him “my baby” no matter how old he gets)
- prayed in gratitude for friends who do the work of angels (if you don’t have any, let me know…I can hook you up)
- prayed for medical miracles (for both my dad and my step-dad)
- turned 42 (yesterday…but I still don’t
actfeel like I am in my 40s)
- gained 7 pounds (SEVEN!)
Today was the last day of the school year for my two boys. SUMMER! My daughter and I were finished last week but I have been looking forward to when we were all here – out of school – and without commitments to really start prioritizing me. Instead, I feel like I’m wandering around the house not sure of what I should do, afraid to eat anything that isn’t a vegetable, and the only “workout” that sounds good is going to the pool for a few hours with my boys.
Is there such a thing as an end-of-the-school-year-funk? Because I think I am in it.
Or maybe it’s an I-just-turned-42-and-still-haven’t-gotten-rid-of-this-weight-funk.
Either way, I’m trying to climb out of it.
I want to start logging my blood sugar levels regularly, keeping a food journal (Really? Do I?), and recording my workouts. Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that I want to want to do all of that.
I’ve been in this weight loss battle before. I know how hard it is. I think that is what is holding me back from jumping in with both feet, ready for the icy plunge. I haven’t had a lot of success. How many times do I have to be unsuccessful before I just accept that I will always be fat? I don’t want to always be fat. I
hate HATE this body. My dad’s health problems have given me a front row seat to my future if I cannot get a handle on this now!
In the New Testament, more than once, Paul preaches about finding strength in our weaknesses through Christ. Perhaps, many believe this only refers to a spiritual strength, but I believe that every weakness we have, whether it is a penchant for sweets or for shoplifting doesn’t matter, but all our weaknesses are an opportunity to lean on the Lord. He gave me this body as a gift. He has even given me guidelines on how to treat it. He has given me weakness so that I can learn to depend upon Him instead of on the hand of flesh (which is a fancy way of saying not to be a slave to physical cravings and desires).
I used to have a great love of Diet Coke. My body was dependent upon that cafffeine every single day. I didn’t really want to give it up. I loved my habit, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord’s counsel to not be addicted to anything. I needed to. I tried and gave up several times. Then something clicked and I stopped. Now it’s been about six years since I have had caffeine. I feel better and I don’t really miss it.
Part of me whispers that if I can replace my love of Diet Coke with a love of drinking water, then I can definitely make the sacrifices and changes I need to get rid of this weight. But it is a whisper and sometimes there are really loud doubts trying to get my attention, too.
I am going to trust in the Lord. Trust that He loves me, one of his spirit daughters, and that He will help me to find the strength I need to overcome my weaknesses, those weaknessess that keep me from getting rid of my fat. Prayer and scripture study is my goal for this week. If I rely on the Lord then everything else will come naturally.
Wish me luck…or better yet, I’d appreciate any prayers on my behalf.
Posted on June 7, 2013, in AB and tagged addiction, associates degree in psychology, blood sugar levels, brigham young university, BYU, caffeine, in a funk, medical miracles, mom, New Testament, prayer, scripture, still small voice, summer, weakness, weight gain. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.