Thursdays Just Got A Little Better…

Hey everyone, I’m Autumn, I’m Amy’s little sister, so I’ve known AB and Rach forever, too… we’re pretty much family! 🙂 I’m so excited to be blogging on here with these amazing ladies who have influenced my life for many, many years. I am excited to re-gain control of my health and feel good about myself again.

I am a busy Mom to 3 fun kiddos ages 12, 9, and 7 and work full-time as an office manager in a busy surgeons office. I have a lot going on at all times, but I try to do my best to juggle it all and stay sane!

My weight loss journey is a crazy one. 3 years and 1 month ago I made a life changing decision {when I weighed in at a whopping 312lbs} to go see a surgeon about getting weight loss surgery. 3 years later {ok, it will be 3 years on the 16th} I lost over 100lbs in less than a year. I have told very few people my numbers so even saying what I weighed before makes me uncomfortable. I’m not yet to my stage where I’m ready to discuss my weight today, so I won’t bore you with that number! 😉

A year and a half after my surgery I found out that my husband and I were expecting our first baby together. We had been trying for so long {I suffer from PCOS and Endometriosys} we were so thrilled!! Sadly, 11 weeks into the pregnancy I miscarried. My world crashed and I gave up on pretty much everything, including my weight loss. Over the next 3 months I gained 40lbs. I ate everything and anything I wanted, thinking that it just didn’t matter anymore. One day a patient where I work {I now work for the surgeon who did my surgery} said to me, “Did your Lap Band stop working?” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I decided that day {after crying to my co-worker over FroYo ;)} I needed to get back to basics and get my health into check. Since then  my weight has fluctuated but I am down about 25lbs of the 40 I gained. My ultimate goal is to lose 30 more lbs.

A few things you should know about me… I get crazy obsessed with numbers, and weigh every morning {although, my husband would tell you that he’s caught me weighing every morning, before and after lunch, and once or twice before bed}.I set goals for myself on a daily basis because I get overwhelmed way too easily! I feel more self conscious about myself now than I did at 312lbs. I love sugar and carbs, which we all know were created by Satan himself. I was getting up every morning at 5:15 to work out before getting my littles up and ready for school but Christmas break really put a damper on that and am trying to get back into that daily habit.

I think that’s it… so here are my goals until next Thursday…

1. Work out 3 times {treadmill, bike ride, or P90X– I have a thing for Tony 🙂 }

2. Drink more water {refill my bottle at least 2x a day}

3. Plan ahead!!

4. No eating after 8

5. Go to bed earlier so I actually will wake up to work out!

K, so I’ll leave with a quote that my friend posted on New Years Day that gave me some motivation,

“A year from now, you will have wished you started today”  ~Karen Lamb

Have a good week, see ya next Thursday!!! 🙂

Looking Forward…

The last week of 2011. That seems so very strange to say, afterall so much has happened this year, it seems almost surreal that it is ending. HOWEVER, I am not sorry to see it go. 2012 will bring challenges, to be certain, and also amazing..wonderful..fantastic changes that I am more than ready for!!

So, I thought I would break down the highlights of 2011 with a “TOP 11 moments that made me go hmmm…” so here they are:

11. Moving across country from Virginia to Kansas

10. The love of my life leaving for a Deployment to Iraq

9. Getting LAP-BAND Surgery

8. My oldest starting HIGH SCHOOL, while another is starting KINDERGARTEN

7. My youngest getting rid of his binky, turning TWO and sleeping in a toddler bed. (made a Mom realize that I don’t have a “baby” any longer)

6. Watching my son put the bases on the field at a Royals game

5. My 1st experience with a Tornado siren going off, and heading to the basement.

4. The love of my life COMING HOME from deployment.

3. Reaching my 6th month post-op and having lost 90lbs!!!

2. Buying our 1st Home!!!!

1. Trying on a formal gown for my husbands Military Ball…and fitting into a size 14/16!!!

As I typed this list I realized just how much I really did this year, and a lot on my own. It really opened up my eyes to what I am truly capable of. No excuses, no whining. I CAN do this. The #1 item on my list happened last night when I went ball gown shopping with my husband. May of last year I was wearing a size 24/26 to his OCS formal. It was such an amazing feeling having the sales lady actually tell me the sizes I was trying were too big, and getting smaller dresses. WOW. I had to keep myself from crying. Looking at that girl in the mirror, I realized I was within 15lbs of where I was when I married my wonderful husband..16 years ago this Friday. That made me really feel like I had come a complete 360 from the start of this year. I am not “skinny”. I am not “obese”. I am in between and HEALTHY. I have given myself and my family the gift of years, together, because of the weight I have lost. 328 lbs is where I started 2011, and I am leaving it at 235lbs. 93lbs..GONE. Never coming back!!! As Walt Disney said..”we should Keep Moving Forward..” that is exactly what I intend to do. MOVE Forward. Afterall..there are LOTS of roads near my house I have yet to walk and explore. Happy New Years everyone. Dream big, and become those dreams!!!

As you wish…

Do you remember the movie “The Princess Bride”? I love the line that her beloved Wesley says time after time, “As you wish..” For a long time I felt like that was what I was telling myself. “I just moved away from my friends, and I need that piece of cake ..as you wish.”“My husband is leaving for boot camp/OCS/the field, and I deserve to go out to dinner…as you wish” My brain was just letting me misbehave. I played all the games, social eating, comfort foods, celebratory meals all excuses for enticing myself with things that weren’t exactly diet praiseworthy. As time wore on, I started dreading shopping for clothes, and I poked fun at my own expense to cover my discomfort.

I put an end to all of that with a shock to my system. I stepped on a scale two weeks after my husband left for Iraq, and I saw the most disturbing number glaring up at me. Gulp… (insert me stepping out of comfort zone here),328 lbs. Wow. I couldn’t believe it. With all my pregnancies I hadn’t reached that number, and now my baby was turning two in just a few short months. Privately, I started investigating a procedure. I looked at the risks involved, and made the phone call that has changed my life. I decided to have lapband surgery. When asked why I would put myself at risk, my answer was one that dawned on me the day I looked at that scale…”I am already putting myself at risk by being so overweight”. The hardest part of my decision process was knowing that I was doing it while my husband was thousands of miles away. He had nothing but words of encouragement. Below is what he wrote on my Facebook page when I told my cyber friends the news (the day before surgery):

• My wife has always been beautiful to me. She has a beautiful mind, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful personality, a beautiful testimony, a beautiful way of being a mom, a beautiful set of brown eyes, a beautiful way of seeing life and all its riches, a beautiful touch to everything creative, a beautiful heart full of love, a beautiful way of looking at life, a beautiful strength, a beautiful passion for life, a beautiful desire to serve others before herself, and a beautiful way of expressing her feelings.
  There is one more thing that she has that is beautiful, and that is her outward beauty that all people see everyday. This outward beauty radiates from her soul and transcends through her, shining for all to see. And the vessel that carries her soul is just as beautiful as her soul. This time away has reminded me of the beauty that I took for granted while she was beside me. Maybe I didn’t often enough step back and visually and verbally acknowledge the beauty by my side.
  Amy, you are beautiful and have always been beautiful. You don’t need to have the surgery to change the way I see you. However, I do look forward to your renewed spirit and energy that you will have as your body transforms into an even more celestial form. You will be able to do so much more which you have always wanted to do. I can’t wait to be back in your arms and look forward to looking at you as you would always want and deserve for me to look at you. Baby, I am proud of you and love you elevendy billion times infinity.

   Yep. I am a lucky girl indeed. It was all the motivation I needed, and as of today I am 6 weeks post surgery. It has not been easy. For those of you who think it is “cheating” at losing weight, you have never been in my shoes, so please refrain from judging me. This was the best decision FOR ME. As my doctor told me in post op. “The surgery was the easy part..now it’s up to you”. My answer.. “As You Wish”. Because my sweetheart is so far away, I decided to refrain from posting pics of my weight-loss.  I have good days, and I have want-to-eat-my-arm-off days.(who doesn’t?) LOL. I have a way to go, but it is going. Everytime I look at a snack or treat, I try to think of my husbands eyes popping out of his head when he sees me for the first time in 9 months. I want to look the way he see’s me. I want to see myself the way I have always dreamed of. Oh, and by the way… in case you were wondering, as of last week the scale gave me a new number. 265. ” Keep on with my routine..As you wish…”