Here.

I’ve started this blog post a hundred times in my head….maybe more. It’s been three weeks since I wrote anything. I’ve been mulling over what is next for me/weight loss and what changes I can make. Or maybe it has been more about what changes I am willing to make.

Anyway…haven’t figured that out yet.

Had a horrible week where I only worked out once, did not have healthy treats on hand so I ate everything. I even drove through the golden arches with my son and ordered something for myself. I was completely prepared for and expecting a 5 poundish gain. Instead…

 

I am pretty much in the same place I have stayed the last 4 weeks. Seriously?

That is so annoying. I mean…I probably should be grateful for the week of indulgence with no significant change in my weight. Instead I feel powerless. I bust my buns, eat really well and my weight stays the same. I spend a week fostering my unhealthy habits and my weight stays the same.

You know what else is annoying? Since I’m already in a mood I will tell you:

• Needing a belt to hold up your pants (to save money on buying new pants) and the largest belts at your first stop are not big enough. Thanks for raining on my parade, Target.
• How all clothing stores put “women” sizes (aka – fat lady) right next to maternity.
• 100 degree farenheit weather in OCTOBER!
• Teenager daughters…sometimes. (Other times they are super duper awesome…like right now when she is fixing my hair for a night out…while I type)
• Democrats. Republicans. Politicians.
• People who throw trash out their car windows. I actually saw someone do that this week. I thought we had evolved past littering. Don’t you remember the crying Indian Native American man?
• Having to pee in the middle of the night.

I need to stop before I get myself in a cranky mood since I am getting ready for a big birthday party. Can’t you tell by the way I’m writing my blog post?

My goal this week is to figure out what I’m really going to do to get out of this cranky weight loss rut. As I find answers I’ll do some bonus posts. Maybe I can redeem myself for the weeks of neglect.

Wish me luck.

 

Giving In

This was last Friday’s weigh in.

Last Saturday afternoon while I was mad studying for a test I realized I hadn’t even blogged on Friday. That is how crazy the last month of school is for me. I only have 13 days left until my semester is over. Between now and then I have 5 exams, 1 project and 2 presentations. Of course, in my spare time I can wave at my children from a distance and hope they are eating more than goldfish and chicken nuggets while I ignore them. This is what the laundry looks like at my house

…and there’s another similar hamper in another room. One of my children may have turned his shorts inside out so he could wear them a second day. Heaven help me.

The last few days I’ve been thinking about how I just never got a handle on balancing my workouts & eating healthy with all the other stuff in my life.  I had pretty much decided that I won’t care for the next two weeks about what or when I’m eating and if I can get a workout in or not. I’ll pass go, collect my $200 and exchange it for a do-over when my semester is over on June 1st.

And then…

I had a really awesome workout this morning. I led the workout for a few ladies at our church building, because the Awesome Mandy is on her way to Utah to run a marathon tomorrow (which is where I’d be going to run the half marathon if my foot was healed). It was sweaty and stress relieving. I came home and stuck to my neurotic routine. When I reluctantly stepped on the scale this happened…

This is almost 2 pound less than lasts week. It is my lowest weight since starting to blog by 1/5 of a pound, too (significant to me when I am struggling). Am I ever going to break this 226?!?!?

I am.

I may only get my Friday morning workout in again this week, but I will try for at least one more workout. I am watching what I put in my mouth. I will not give in to the excuse of the end of my semester for the next two weeks.

DAGNABIT! I just want to be 225 point something next week! I can. I will.

Wish me luck!

…and wish my friends “Good luck!” who are running the Full or Half marathon in Ogden this weekend while you’re at it!

 

 

psychology + biology =

I’m taking a class called physiological psychology. I know…why don’t I challenge myself more. Ha! We just finished a chapter with a section called, “Hunger: Regulation of the Body’s Nutrients”. If I wanted to bore you I’d give you all the details about insulin and glucagon and fat and about the lateral hypothalamus plays a role in getting you to start eating or how a neurochemical called, CART, plays a role in getting you to feel full and stop eating…

…but really, would that help us in our quest to lose weight? Maybe.

Apparently, there is a group of scientists who believe that obesity should be classified as a brain disorder. Pros: insurance might pay for counseling and other treatments to help obese people lose weight. Cons: If you’re fat, you’re crazy.

One intersting fact that affected me personally from this chapter is the BMI scale. Since I’ve lost some weight I have downgraded from being “morbidly obese” to only being “obese”. I’ll take it as good news!

Everything else I’m learning in this class just backs up all the info we hear all the time: get a good night’s sleep, less calories in, more calories out, don’t starve yourself or puke up what you just ate, drink water, blah, blah, blah….

Only it isn’t “blah”. It’s scientific fact. Dang it.

Someone told me yesterday that I was brave for posting my weight (which is exactly the same today as it was 2 weeks ago, by the way). I told them I wasn’t brave. I had to. HAD TO. I cannot be accountable to myself. I lie to myself all the time (“This cookie won’t count”). The scale doesn’t lie and I am better at telling the truth to other people.

I’ve been discussing with my hubs (oh, yes, thank you, we had a lovely anniversary weekend in San Diego) that I’m at a set point (another scientific term from physio psych class) and I need to do something drastic to get passed it. My goal for this week is to make an appointment with my doc and ask for a referal to a nutrionist.

Drastic.

Clearly, what I have been doing isn’t getting the weight off, so I am looking for outside help. I’m probably going to have to start counting carbs or calories or some other annoying thing, but counting is not nearly as annoying as being fat. I want to feel better in my bathing suit this summer. I’m going to be spending a whole week camping at the beach!

SO! What drastic measures are you willing to take (or have you taken) to overcome your issues, friends?

I’m off to Disneyland for my baby’s 6th birthday. Wish me luck!

Sleeping Beauty

Do you realize how important sleep is? We have seen it mentioned time and again in this blog, in fitness articles, even TV shows tell you to get enough sleep. Do you know why? I didn’t until very recently.

Last month, after some convincing, I went to see my doctor. I had been working out faithfully for a year and a half and seeing very little results. Last summer I even increased my output by starting one of those beginner running programs and planned on doing the Turkey Trot 5k. Still not much happening except sore shins and a torn meniscus. I felt better, more stamina and was actually running more than walking. Something I had never in my life been able to do, but still the weight was painfully slow in coming off. At work one night, dear hubby was talking with the doctors about me and the consensus was that I should seek medical help. I fit the symptoms of someone with thyroid problems. The weight issues, I had become sensitive to cold, increase in depression and I was tired all the time. It was starting to be scary tired, trying to not fall asleep driving tired. I made the appointment.

I got the same skeptical questioning I have gotten from others, even on here. “Are you sure you aren’t eating more than you say?” “Are you really working out that hard?” He ordered some tests with a side remark that if I really was working out my tests would show it. He called me personally to give me the results which included a 40+ drop in cholesterol! Everything was perfect. He even said  “You are obviously doing what you say.” The extreme tiredness was worrisome though and a sleep study was ordered. I did that 10 days ago and it was miserable! My results came in on Friday and it turns out I have sleep apnea. I now must see a specialist and decide on treatment. Did you know that it is one of the most undiagnosed conditions and can affect anyone? A 6-year-old was being tested the same time I was and people who do not snore, like me, can have it too. (I’m not just saying that either. The test shows if you snore!)

I have learned a lot about how sleep affects weight even if you do not have sleep apnea. A woman needs about 7 hours of sleep for health. Weight changes, especially weight gain, are common sleep deprivation effects. The amount and quality of sleep affects hormone levels, particularly levels of leptin and ghrelin, which in turn affect physiological processes that depend on these hormone levels.

Leptin is a hormone that affects feelings of fullness and satisfaction after a meal, and ghrelin is a hormone that stimulates appetite. When people suffer from sleep deprivation, levels of leptin fall and ghrelin levels increase. This means that people end up feeling hungrier and may be less satisfied by eating, causing them to eat more and, consequently, gain weight. . When we don’t have enough sleep, our energy is very low. This can trick the brain into thinking it requires more food to replenish our energy stores. So we tend to eat more. Not only that we tend to crave high energy foods such as ice cream, cakes or sugar laden soft drinks.

To make matters worse, the effects of sleep deprivation can lessen the body’s ability to process glucose efficiently leading to an increased tendency to put on weight. This could also lead to an increased risk of diabetes. Lack of sleep also produce higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower the metabolic rate which means we burn fewer calories.

That’s not even to mention what sleep deprivation does to our moods and depression levels. If there is a choice between hitting the gym and getting an extra hour of sleep, doctors would tell you to go to bed earlier and get both, but if there was no other option, sleep is more important. Get the sleep and work minutes of exercise into your day. Take the stairs, park farther away, go for a walk after lunch, calf raises while brushing your teeth or squats while putting dishes in the washer. It is very important to get enough sleep so all your other hard work and sacrifice pay off to the highest levels.

 

Ok, off my soap box and on to how I did this week. Well, my grand plan for diet and exercise while the family was away turned into more meetings than planned, waiting in lines in government buildings in the free time I did have and just not be very motivated. I got in 1, ONE, workout and gave in to temptation a little more than I should have. There was one difference though. Without anyone else to keep me going I found myself falling asleep early and only once did I not go to bed before 10pm. I can not say that it was quality sleep, but it was quantity. I was worried when I had my official weigh-in on Friday and had resigned myself to seeing a bigger number. Not only did I lose the weight I had gained last week, but I lost on top of that for a total of 3.8lbs. Yeah! Crazy I know, but I will take it.

The family is back so are schedules and routines. I hear the gym calling loud and clear for tomorrow morning and I will greet it happily with a little motivation of the scale going down pushing me and the thought that if I can get everything working together, diet, exercise and treatment for quality sleep, I could really see some big changes this year! Sweet Dreams!

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.

John Adams

MIA

Sorry I was missing in action last week. Our computer had issues with charging and then my husband took it out of town all week. But everything is well and good now.

Last week I didn’t really want to post anyway. I’ve had three weeks of .5ish pound increases to my weight and I get so frustrated. This week I’ve lost 3 pounds. It’s like taking three steps back ward and five steps forward. It’s a little backwards but I guess I’m still glad it’s going forward a bit. Come on you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be frustrated too if this was happening to you. Especially if you write for a weekly blog for weight loss and you keep putting some on and then have one week of accomplishment. I swear I don’t do anything to terribly different from one week to the next. I feel a little weird about the whole you aren’t supposed to lose more than two pounds a week. The weight watchers ap lectures me every time I put in my results and I’ve lost more than two. Apparently no one has told my body the rules.

On a more fun note, I am ADDICTED to pinterest. If you need an invite just let me now. I’d be happy to share with you. I love it because I’m a crafter and DIY cuz we don’t have tons of money and I like being able to say I made it. Anyway. It isn’t just for crafters. I’ve found some very yummy recipes, some inspiration and some cool workout things on there. I’ll share a few with you.

This workout kicks my trash. I’ll do it and then some weight lifting and then do it again if I can. Gets me three to four activity points and I like how it boosts your metabolism for so long.

Yeah that’s right. I love this. I need to think about it like this more often. Because when I’m sweating I think I’m the one closer to tears.

Finding the light..

After attempting to post this last night, and having it deleted (twice), I am here on the morning after to spill the beans. LoL.

Lately, I have been trying to push through the rut my numbers have been showing me. If I have to be honest, “pushing” is maybe an exageration..maybe a slight “nudge” every now and again. My workouts, when I do them have been few and far between..and I am exercising EXTREME willpower where food is concerned (and not always winning). However, I did discover something I wanted to share. It has been really cold here is the middle of dorothy-ville where we are currently residing, and I have been unable to do my walks. So, I thought I would put on my “Biggest Loser” DVD and speak to Bob (we have been very silent lately, and I only have myself to blame). I am not sure what possessed me to do it, but looking at the workout options, I selected “High Impact Cardio Workout” and started my stretch. Wow! I did not know what a butt-kicking I was in for. Lots of one-minute “sprints” of all out-give-it-all-you-got-before-you-die kind of punishment. However..here is the great part, I MADE IT THROUGH. I am talking the ENTIRE work-out. It is amazing when you shed some weight, okay A LOT of weight, just how much more you actually are able to do. I am not in shape (yet), but I am in BETTER shape than I have been in years. And that workout let me know I was on the right path. I can do this..and so can you!

It really is not all numbers, to be honest, I am not weighing in this week. I don’t want to set myself up for a number that I don’t want to see. When I visited my surgeon last week, and had a fill, I was disappointed when they weighed me in. I wanted more loss. More results. Better outcomes in a quicker time frame. He knocked me off my weight loss high horse pretty quick and explained that it was a slower process, and to look at what I had already achieved. He showed me a number that made me a whole lot more humble. As of that day, I had loss 35% of my excess weight since I first met him. That is AMAZING. I just have to look at it his way, and stop emptying my glass all the time. LOL. I am finding my skinny-me…she just needs a bit more time. So that is what I am going to do. Try not to focus on the numbers, pounds and immediate results of the week. Instead I am going to take it day-to-day and focus on what I can do to improve my routine. This week I will talk to Bob at least 3 times, and stay away from the carb-monsters that haunt my appetite. I will park in the farthest parking spot (unless it is snowing..lets be honest here. LOL) when I shop. I am also planning Thanksgiving Dinner, and researching recipes to make it healthier..starting with LOTS of sodium free products =) and scaling down the amount of food on our table. Leftovers are awesome, but not if they sabotage my weight loss. I am in this for the long haul…and I need to find foods that will go the distance with me =)

                          Be kind to your body, and smile more…thats my advice and I am sticking to it!

Hitting the Wall

It was only a matter of time, really, before it happened. I had been putting so many expectations on myself, I left no room for error. So when I woke up the other day to a blustery morning, I didn’t realize that my mood was just as much on edge. I had been busting my booty for weeks on end, exercising, eating good…and then came the ugly. The funny thing is looking back at it from a new days perspective..my ugly wasn’t really so bad. In the past if I had a day where I wanted to lounge in PJ’s and not work-out..it wasn’t even a big deal. Usually it was celebrated with a bowl of ice cream or by baking some calorie-filled carb-o-licious treat.

It all went south in the early evening. It was getting late and I hadn’t grocery shopped yet (after all it was payday-eve). The kiddos were hunger stricken, so we jumped into the car and found ourselves in the drive-thru of one of three places to eat in our tiny town. I ordered for them, caved, and ordered a chicken sandwich for myself. Plain, because you know those mayo calories are soooo much worse than the bread and patty inside the wrapper. LoL. We were on our way, and I took my 99cent heart attack and ate with my family. Hours later, little ones in bed, hours of on-line Army Wife training accomplished…I realized I was hungry. My sweet daughter had made muffins for the morning so we could get out of the house on-time. Not just any muffins, the taste-temping, amazing smelling blueberry variety. I indulged in one. (only after I had eaten a bowl of almond crunch cereal.) At this point, I felt like the world BIGGEST PIG. Sad, but true. My wall was hitting me in the face, and I didn’t care (yet).  I went to bed feeling like a weight loss loser.

Fast forward to this morning, as the Mommy-schedule-Gods would have it, I was booked and would not be able to work out (again). I dreaded even looking at the direction of my scale. It taunted me with its smug little shiny screen, “stand on me…c’mon, you know you wanna find out!” And I did. I wanted to discover how much damage I had done. Of course, I was NEVER going to get on that thing FULLY CLOTHED, are you kidding me. I waited until it was my turn to shower..and gave into the scale-temptation. Not once, nope, not twice..how could that number actually be right…but THREE times. Can we say “obsessing” oh yes, we can. 264.3. Ummm….SERIOUSLY. I was relieved, sort of. I now had an extra 2 lbs to get rid of (yes, I was staring the 250’s in the face my friends), but I wasn’t going to have to visit jaba the tentmaker for my old clothes anytime soon.

I realized the moral of this tale was not about the scale…but all about me. I obsess. I over analyze. I stress. I want to see the number drop so badly, that I make myself neurotic. I realized after my “episode” that I needed to just step-away from the scale and focus on me. My best cure…oh yeah, SHOPPING!! LoL. My oldest got braces on, and we had some time before picking up the little kids..so the mall beckoned us. She had her eye on a dress for homecoming, and I had the checkbook. We were a package deal. As she lamented over which of the 7 dresses to try on and in what color..I made my way over to a long-lost friend. The denim section. I LOVE jeans. I just don’t love the way I have looked in them for the past two years. A very cute pair were calling my name, and the sales lady handed me a size I hadn’t seen in a LONG time, saying I may just be surprised. I took a size or two bigger as well and headed to the dressing room. I thought I might as well hit the disappointment first, so I tried on the smallest size first. One leg, two legs…a couple well executed jumps and OH MY HECK…I WAS IN THEM!!! They were tight, they weren’t cutting off my circulation, and I could pull them away from my thigh, so no vacuum sealing. I did a turn and oh my gosh..I had a butt. Not a caboose trailing me..a BUTT. I almost cried. All the torture of the last day or so, and I was in a dressing room in jeans MULTIPLE SIZES smaller than when my husband left. I decided to press my luck even further and tried on the clearance cardigan (in a size smaller than the jeans), and a top to go with…NOT FROM THE plus size section. I will not lie..it all came home with me. I felt good, no..I felt SEXY. I was, for one day (gasp) happy with my body, and I was not going to reward myself with this outfit (thank heavens for military discounts and great sales).

My friends, it is truly all about perspective. Mine sucks, on a general rule. I am constantly putting myself down and allowing the proverbial “walls” in life to smack me head on. This time around, I am playing it different. This blog, for one thing has given me my voice back. Allowing me to share how I am feeling, and the guts to let you all read it. I am also, a work in progress. I have my great days..and my blustery days, even some moments in between. Through it all, I work, and I try. That’s all I can do.. and gosh darn it, I am getting pretty good at it. The outfit hanging in my closet says so, so there! As my awesome pal, Walt Disney said, “Keep Moving Forward!”