Who is this?

Kris? Who in tar-nations is Kris?

Yeah, ok it’s been awhile. Alright, a long while.

So what have I been up to?

Whelping 10 puppies.              Planning a community outreach event for our church. Over 500 people came.

Having another sleep study, changing meds, fighting with insurance, being frustrated!

Graduating my oldest from high school.

Dealing with a family member dying and hubby going to TN to help take care of him.

Hubby going to the night shift and becoming like a single parent again.

Living life.

And getting FAT!

It’s like I never lost weight. It’s all back and I hate it!

Going into this month, my boss (pastor) came to me asking if I would be interested in a gym membership. There was an opportunity to get a corporate rate at his gym. They needed 5 and after he and his wife, the worship pastor and his wife, they needed one more. I’m not sure what reaction he was expecting, I think he just asked me out of courtesy, but the look of surprise was unmistakable as I blurted out “YES!” without any hesitation at all.

It’s conveniently located blocks from work (the church) and they have great machines. The locker room is the nicest I’ve seen in a gym with a changing room, so insecure people like me can get dressed. Although, I have been the only one in the locker room every time I have been there so far.  What I don’t like is the check-in.

It’s an easy tag on my key ring that I just scan and go on my way. On a computer screen pops up my picture and a lovely “Hello Kris” greeting. Under it though, are the mocking words, “This is your 4th time here.”

Thank You, Thank You very much for reminding me how hard it is to get back in the habit. That I’ve had the membership almost a month and have only made it there 4 times. That 4 times is not enough to see results. I feel like it laughs at me when I check in. Four is better than none though right? The important thing is that I am there. (I have to keep telling myself that!)

The first visit was brutal. Half hour of cardio was not happening, it still isn’t but it’s getting easier. Today I even tried doing some running. I’m sure I looked like a blob, but it was encouraging that I could go faster starting out than I did the last time I started training. Guess I haven’t completely lost all the good effects. Each visit has gotten a little bit easier though. Soon it’ll be the 14th visit, then 40th, then 400th, right?! I’ve just got to get in the habit again.

In the meantime. Enjoy this video. This is so me and I have had every one of these thoughts!

Temper tantrum

When I weighed in Monday I was ticked. I went sugar free. I did my ab challenge. I worked out when it was inconvenient. All of this in an effort to push past this weight plateau and what was my result? I HAD GAINED. It wasn’t much weight but it WAS defeating.

I started pouting, cursed every stinking sit up and then I just stopped doing them. I let myself stay up late and even indulged in some treats. Why should I work so hard if I wasn’t getting results? I’ve been stuck at this dagnabit weight for weeks months. Why try?

Funny thing is none of the treats were as good as I expected. I was craving fruits. Then yesterday afternoon I felt….gross.

What fun are treats that aren’t that good and feeling awful? None.

I woke up this morning and wanted to work out. So I did. And I weighed in:

Didn’t significantly gain or lose as a result of my week of pouting but I learned/reminded myself there is more to these lifestyle changes I am making than just what that darn scale reports.

Here’s to a week of working hard and trying not to focus on what the scale may or may not report next week.

Wish me luck!

Starting Over… Again

I’ve heard so many inspirational quotes over the years about weight loss, starting over, succeeding, planning, failing, and all the other things that have to do with weight loss. But the bottom line is, when you don’t stick with it, when you don’t follow the plan… you start over again and again and again. And that’s what I’ve done. Again.

3 weeks ago I had my lap band taken out. It was a huge decision, one I’m still not 100% sure of. But I did it. It wasn’t serving me any good and I was having some pretty awful side effects that I won’t share with you in case you have a weak stomach. So many people have asked me if I’m planning on another surgery or what my plan is from here. Here it is: I plan to succeed. I plan to work out, to eat better, to drink my water, to get sufficient sleep, stop making excuses, and stop cheating myself. If that means I do this on my own, fabulous! If that means that I decide to have another surgery, perfect! But either way, I have the same plan.

This week I have been focusing on eating “clean”. I’ve been eating way more fruits and veggies and whole foods. I’ve been working out daily and I’ve been loading up on water. I feel GREAT! I’ve been sleeping great and have energy like none other! And I’ve lost 5.5 lbs! Motivation right there, huh?! I’ve already made a plan for tomorrow- 4th of July– I’m not setting myself up for failure. I’m planning on allowing myself a little something extra and I’m not going to make myself feel bad for it!

I feel good knowing that I’m moving forward again. After my Dad passed in February, my mom sold her house, Bryant had surgery, Bryant got a new job that is relocating us to Utah, I had surgery, my Mom had surgery, I’ve been packing our home, and taking care of 4 crazy kids. I was spread so thin. I was sinking fast. This week I’ve given myself a half hour a day to work out. It’s made all the difference in the world on my mood and my energy. I finally feel like I’m getting back to me.

Have a safe and happy 4th!

xoxo,

Autumn