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Wanna race?

After 45 minutes of a very heavy spin class (my tush and quads are gonna be screaming), my friend leans over and asks, “Do you wanna race?!”

Ummmm…..no! Is she crazy? Beside the fact that I needed to go drag my boys out of bed and get them ready for school, I was wiped out by that class!

Then she clarified, “First one to lose 10 lbs. wins.”

Well, that changed things. I’ll take all the help/motivation/friendly competition I can get, so here’s my weigh in after spin:

2014-03-24 weigh inWhen I hit 10 lbs. then I will be the lowest weight I’ve been (a) since starting this blog, and (b) since before my last baby…who turns 8 in less than a month. That is a little embarrassing to admit.

222 is the magic number we are looking for. Guess I’d better start a meal plan and stop making excuses.

Wish me luck!

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Convicted? Maybe. Denial? Perhaps. Avoiding? Absolutely!

I have started a post soooooo many times in my head on so many a Sunday and yet, nothing! I have written nothing for a while. Been accountable for nothing for far too long! I know it too. This isn’t a surprise. “Oh my! I had no idea it had been so long since I posted. Wow! How time really flies!”

WHATEVER!!

Out of sight, out of mind is more like it. Don’t have to want to  deal with it. Honestly, the fact that no one else is posting has made it easier to ignore. I guess if everyone else jumped off a bridge I would too, eventually. Not blaming any one else for my own choices, it’s just amazing how I can use others as a reason to justify it. Not right at all! Then out of the blue…a post. A post to remind me why we all are doing this. A post from a poor sleep deprived, new momma willing to talk about her weight. And after having a baby! All us mom’s know that’s when you feel the worst about your body!

We started all this to encourage, help, commiserate, cheer, cry, gripe, and push each other until we get to where we want to be with our health. It’s time I started climbing out instead of wallowing in the muddy valley of despair and pity!

I saw this recently from another blog and for a couple days it got me moving and then I stopped looking at it so I wouldn’t feel guilty. How did I allow myself to fall so far again! UGH! I’m in this circular pattern of disgusted with myself  must do something about it, good for a day, oh why bother, disgusted again. Must stop the cycle. Hopefully, this is the first step. Having to answer for what I did or didn’t do this week will maybe get that motivation going again.

Here we go……………again.

I don’t know where my weight is exactly except that it has inched up a few pounds. I think I will just start with trying to get moving again, regularly, rather than focus on the scale just yet. So that’s my plan.

Get Moving!!

Until next Sunday……………………………….

New Year’s Resolutions

Go in one year and out the other!

Here we are at the end of 2012. Are you thinking of your new resolutions? How did you do with the ones you made last year? I am ending the year weighing less than I started by 20 pounds and wearing a size 16 jean, and having competed in a mud run obstacle race. Not where I wanted to be at this time, but better than I was and having accomplished things I never dreamed of.

I did not start out my new birthday year with a workout. I had been fighting a sickness when I last blogged and hopeful I could beat it. Illness had other plans and I celebrated Christmas hacking up a lung without a voice. Best laid plans right. I’d like to say I will ring in the new year with a workout, but as I sit here and think of all I need to do and the plans we have I don’t think it will happen. It is still on my “To do” list though.

I do want to end this year with a huge “Thank you!” to Miss AB! Because you started this blog I have had the accountability to follow through with my goals to the best of my ability. I have surprised myself this year with what I can do. I never would have even considered a 5k let alone an obstacle course had it not been for you. And here I am starting the next year by putting race dates on the calendar!

It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.- George Sheehan

For Christmas I gave my husband a gift from his bucket list. A half day zip-line tour and surprised him again with the fact that I was going with him. I never would have done it before. There are weight limits for zip-lines and I have either exceeded them or been close enough that I was too embarrassed to try. I have avoided many things in my life due to my weight. I am on my way to enjoying life more with my husband and kids and getting off the sidelines.

You have also been a dear friend outside of this blog. Thank you for everything!

My new goals for 2013……

Lose more weight this year than I did in 2012.

Read more books than I did in 2012.

Run a 5K in under 30 minutes.

Have more dates with my husband than I did in 2012.

I hope you all begin the new year with your loved ones, ready for great blessings this new year!

Happy New Year’s Scalematters!

We all have dreams, in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline and effort.
-Jesse Owens

“Healthy” is Not a Bad Word

My mid-week decision to stop eating sugar seems to have made all the difference. I did pretty well this week! The day after my no sugar decision I came home from grocery shopping with some of my favorite healthy eats…

Being prepared with healthy foods I enjoy makes a big difference. The past few days I have also done well at not making exceptions to my no sugar rule, exceptions like “…but I’m at Disneyland” or “…it’s late and I haven’t eaten yet” or “…but I organized this ice cream social” or “…hey look, there’s a delicious cookie within reach”. The other thing that helped was my friend, Heather. She volunteered to keep me accountable and I’ve been reporting in to her (and she to me for that matter). Knowing that someone is paying attention to my sugar intakes ensures that I pay more attention to what I’m eating.

I ate better this week and did good at skipping treats, but my workouts…not so great. For several reasons I didn’t get to a spin/cycling class and I haven’t gone to Mandy’s Friday workout in too long. I went ten days between my last 2 workouts. Yesterday at Mandy’s class was so much more difficult than usual…and I think she may have been going easy on us! I was prepared to step on the scale (a day late) and be disappointed again because of my lack of exercise these past 2 weeks. Instead I was pleased….

I lost FOUR POUNDS this week!!!

The morale of my story this week is: It matters what you eat! Sometimes I think we (well, I) pretend that as long as I/we exercise then we’re doing fine. My month or so of gaining weight shows that is not the case. It’s the basic principle of calories in versus calories out. Simple as that. Miserable as that.

My semester starts on Monday and my boys go back to school, too. I’m already trying to plan out my workouts and packing lunches. Stupid planning. Losing weight is so much more work than gaining weight, but I suppose if it was easy there’d be a lot less fat people. I’m working on decreasing the number of fat people by one.

Wish me luck!

My 6 year old wouldn’t let me workout today

No, really.

Who can say, “No” to a boy who is growing up too fast and wants you to stay home and “play the tickle game” instead of leaving him behind? Last week his position would have been different. Last week his friends hadn’t started back to school yet. His school doesn’t start for another 9 days (oh, yes, we are BOTH counting the days), but all his buddies from the workout whose mom’s are there too…they started school this week. He lost his motivation for motivating me to workout.

Who hasn’t felt like that? No one is there to play/run/lift weights/workout/swim with…why go? Friends make all the difference. If it wasn’t for two of my friends, Rae and Aims as you know them, then I would not have had the courage to start this blog or to really try to lose weight.

If it wasn’t for my friend Mandy teaching that free workout a couple of times a week then I wouldn’t be losing weight. If it wasn’t for my friends Tami & Charlotte then I wouldn’t have ever tried a spin/cycling class, let alone gone back regularly.

Do you need a friend? I posted before about being nice to the skinny chick. Now I’m telling you to go ask her how she does it and invite yourself try her method with her next time. Make a friend or increase an existing friendship. I am telling you, knowing that someone is planning on you working out with them makes all the difference. Having someone to chat (commiserate) with when you feel like your legs are going to fall off and you are sweating from every pore makes it more bearable, too.

I am a scaredy cat when it comes to trying new workouts, but I can do it if someone who has done it before is there to encourage, explain, and (*gasp*) enjoy it with. Charlotte is young enough that I could be her mother. She’s also fit and would exercise  for 6 hours every day if she could. She doesn’t let me off the hook and I love it! Working out with her makes me feel like I really can lose the weight. She’s going back to college this week and I won’t get to workout with her for a few months. I’ll miss you, Charlotte!

My advice – if working out is where you seem to need help: get a workout buddy…or 2 for that matter. Easier said than done? Maybe. Do it anyway.

For 9 more days I’ll be trying to fit workouts in that don’t interfere with tickle time. Then we’ll have a whole new set of problems.

Wish me luck!

My Very Best

Last weekend my husband rented three movies. I think he was trying to make up for all the weekends during the school year when I said I had homework and I couldn’t watch movies. He’s awesome like that. Facing the Giants was my favorite of the weekend. It’s from the genre of Christian films like Fireproof (which I still haven’t seen). This scene in particular moved me…

This is one of the things that motivated me to try and write every day this week (It just turned midnight, so I’m cheating on my Wednesday post by just a few minutes). I have not been giving my weight loss goals my very best. Have not. It’s not even my very best since starting this blog. Last fall I practically stopped drinking soda and had major willpower over treats and desserts. Lately, I have given in to both more often than not. I am recommitting myself to avoid soda – even the caffeine free Diet Dr Pepper and I am going to work hard and make conscious choices about desserts both at home and out (baby showers, get togethers, whatever!).

I’ve also been pushing myself in my workouts. I sweat more – which in my mind is the fat melting away and coming out my pores. (Is that too graphic/gross/TMI?) And I’m trying to fit more than 2 or 3 in each week. This week I’ve already done 3 and it’s Wednesday! Well, Wednesday-ish. I’m heading to bed now…again….since last time I was there I realized I hadn’t posted yet today.

Thanks for keeping me accountable, playing the role of coach, and caring enough to read my blog. Tomorrow’s workout is going to be at the pool and I have no menu plans yet.

Wish me luck!

Honest AB

I gained half a pound.

I was feeling so confident! I got 3 and a half workouts in. I felt like I looked better in my clothes. I pulled out a pair of pants from the dark recesses of the closet and remembered why I liked them before I had banished them for being tight. However, the outcome of my weigh-in was NOT what I anticipated.

So I thought I would measure. I hadn’t done that since February. I was sure it would show results that the scale did not. That I would be buoyed up when I saw those inches coming off.

Except I didn’t.

Instead of inches coming off I found that I had increased overall by about 3 inches since February. Talk about discouragement!!! Then I pulled classic AB out of my hat and started to justify what I was seeing, give it an outside cause, but after a few minutes I remembered my one blog rule: Be honest. I needed to begin with being honest to myself.

This past week I repeatedly justified eating unhealthy snack and treats. REPEATEDLY! Frequently this week as I was eating a cookie (or ice cream or straight up chocolate chips) I wondered what happened to the AB of last September/October. She could turn down treats. She could avoid the kitchen when she was tired. She had determination.  Where did that come from. It must still be inside me! I just need to find that AB again. I’m going to spend time this weekend looking at my earlier blog posts, reading my personal journal, and praying. Maybe by next Friday I will find the AB who can stand in a circle of friends and watch while they eat pretty cupcakes. Maybe then I can hold my head up high, because right now I’m feeling a little ashamed of myself. I don’t want to lie to anyone, especially not me. Yet I seem to continually set myself up for failure.

Well! Failure is not an option this time around. I’m confronting this nasty bad habit head on….tomorrow. Because tonight I’m falling asleep at the desk.

Wish me luck!

psychology + biology =

I’m taking a class called physiological psychology. I know…why don’t I challenge myself more. Ha! We just finished a chapter with a section called, “Hunger: Regulation of the Body’s Nutrients”. If I wanted to bore you I’d give you all the details about insulin and glucagon and fat and about the lateral hypothalamus plays a role in getting you to start eating or how a neurochemical called, CART, plays a role in getting you to feel full and stop eating…

…but really, would that help us in our quest to lose weight? Maybe.

Apparently, there is a group of scientists who believe that obesity should be classified as a brain disorder. Pros: insurance might pay for counseling and other treatments to help obese people lose weight. Cons: If you’re fat, you’re crazy.

One intersting fact that affected me personally from this chapter is the BMI scale. Since I’ve lost some weight I have downgraded from being “morbidly obese” to only being “obese”. I’ll take it as good news!

Everything else I’m learning in this class just backs up all the info we hear all the time: get a good night’s sleep, less calories in, more calories out, don’t starve yourself or puke up what you just ate, drink water, blah, blah, blah….

Only it isn’t “blah”. It’s scientific fact. Dang it.

Someone told me yesterday that I was brave for posting my weight (which is exactly the same today as it was 2 weeks ago, by the way). I told them I wasn’t brave. I had to. HAD TO. I cannot be accountable to myself. I lie to myself all the time (“This cookie won’t count”). The scale doesn’t lie and I am better at telling the truth to other people.

I’ve been discussing with my hubs (oh, yes, thank you, we had a lovely anniversary weekend in San Diego) that I’m at a set point (another scientific term from physio psych class) and I need to do something drastic to get passed it. My goal for this week is to make an appointment with my doc and ask for a referal to a nutrionist.

Drastic.

Clearly, what I have been doing isn’t getting the weight off, so I am looking for outside help. I’m probably going to have to start counting carbs or calories or some other annoying thing, but counting is not nearly as annoying as being fat. I want to feel better in my bathing suit this summer. I’m going to be spending a whole week camping at the beach!

SO! What drastic measures are you willing to take (or have you taken) to overcome your issues, friends?

I’m off to Disneyland for my baby’s 6th birthday. Wish me luck!

Where is the unpause button?

Emergency trip to the dentist. Girl Scout cookies. 5-year-old with a double ear infection. Lack of sleep after staying up with the crying 5-year-old. Three exams. Waiting on pins & needles for my nephew to come home (big family drama). The combination of those things (along with my regular crazy/fun life) sabotaged my week. I remember at one point thinking that I needed a pause button to catch my breath or at the very least to not worry about my fitness goals for a little while. Then almost immediately after the thought came to me that I cannot pause if I want to succeed.

Here’s proof.

I’m tired of looking at my ugly toes. I promised myself a new pedicure when I hit 20 pounds lost, and since then all I’ve done is gain 😦

My goal for this weekend is to get ahead of my school work. I felt like I was chasing deadlines this week. Consequently, instead of working out I was studying and doing homework. When I don’t work out, I forget to eat well. Not a good combination. (I don’t have the same problem resident blogger Kris does)

Tomorrow I am going to workout!!! My goal is to get to the gym and swim in the morning….before anyone notices I’m gone. After that I’ll spend some time with family and some time with the books. Balanced Saturday.

In this next week I need to reduce my stress. One way I plan to do that is to start my day with spiritual guidance. My day always goes better if I’ve read counsel from the Lord through scriptures and then pray and listen for His guidance. Some people call it meditation…a rose by any other name…

My big goal for the week is balance, and I know to balance I need to plan ahead. You know how much I LOVE to plan ahead (insert sarcastic eye roll). It’s just that whenever I do make a plan it seems something comes up to turn it upside down. So maybe I will make a plan and a backup plan.

Gag!

Ok, fine. I’m doing it. Each night if when I go to my room early (before 10…ok, maybe by 9:30) then I can assess the next day and make a plan for food and exercise. If I don’t break out in hives from having to plan ahead.

Wish me luck!

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

I noticed this week that all my blog friends seem to be in the same state of slupdom as I am. What is up with us? Glad they/you are all still here and still writing. Persistence is key to success….at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I gave myself a bye last week. It’s time to face the music.

About a month ago I posted that I’d only lost 2 pounds in a month. In the same amount of time I’ve gained those stupid 2 pounds back. S.T.U.P.I.D. Why is it so much easier to gain weight than it is to lose it?! Because I really have to want it? This is hard work.

Hard work and persistence.

I’ve let myself succomb to stress lately. You don’t want to know all the details. I mean, I know you’ve heard about my period, deaths in my family, and seen me in a bathing suit but I think that hearing about the stresses in other people’s lives is too depressing to be interesting. “They” say that stress causes your body to hold on to the fat…and hold onto the bad fat that just sits around your middle. The kind of fat I am encumbered with.

Hard work, persistence, and don’t forget to relax.

Piece of cake…just as long as you don’t eat it.

Wish me luck.

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