This has been a stressful week for me consumed with this…
These are hand made and colored out of gumpaste(sugar).
The wedding was being held at “THE” place to have your wedding in the area. (If you have the money.) It was a big deal to me so my anxiety level was through the roof.
Couple that with dealing with side effects from a new medication and it has not been a fun time. I had an appointment with the sleep clinic before last post. I scored worse on my tests showing I am even more tired and not adjusting well with the CPAP. I just have to keep going with the mask torture at night, but they put me on a medication to “wake” me up during the day. I was assured it is not addicting and not speed. Apparently our troops “pop them like candy on patrol,” said the doc. Hubby was with me and thought it was a good idea. He also liked that it has a mild antidepressant in it.
I was not thrilled with the idea of being medicated all day 24/7. A pill to make me sleep, a pill to keep me awake and alert. I became even less thrilled when nearly every side effect on the list became my friend. Doc told me at the appointment that he’s really only seen patients with headaches from it.
I feel wired. My hands shake. I’m jittery. Headaches, stomach pains, dizziness, nausea, and trouble sleeping. I also have no appetite and I mean none. I could go all day and not even think about food. I have to force myself to eat, because you do need fuel, but I have a very hard time getting through half of the serving. It has been just over a week and it’s only mildly getting better. But, I am definitely not falling asleep behind the wheel and I am staying on top of things at home. I should go visit AB and take care of her laundry for her ;-P
I think if I were used to caffeine it might be different. I hate coffee, do not drink pop, and only have raspberry tea a few times a year. It’s my special occasion drink.
I have gotten in some kind of a workout everyday except one because of the above but I probably still could have done it that day too.
I don’t know where my weight really is right now. At the dr appointment I was up 5 lbs from when I saw him 6 weeks ago, up 8 pounds from where I weighed in at 2 1/2 weeks ago for my weight loss challenge, and on my home scale now I am down 13 pounds from the dr visit last week. Obviously none of our scales match. I think I will just weigh in this week on the Kaiser scale for the challenge and go from there. All I know is my pants need belts.
Wish me luck. I must go swimsuit shopping this week before our trip. Oh the horror!!!!!
First, I would like to thank Autumn, my fellow blogger, for her encouragement. I had been frustrated for so long that I figured something had to be wrong with me. Finally I know what it is, but it seems lame. I mean really. Who doesn’t have sleep issues when they have kids. I know the effects Apnea has on the body, but not many people understand. It sounds like a cop-out, so outside of cyberspace, I do not talk about it. It also makes it easier at 2am when the mask is bugging me to take it off. It’s just sleep. Lots of people are tired. (Never mind the fact that I stop breathing in my sleep and my hubby tells me he is glad he never woke up to a blue wife laying next to him.) It was a wake up call to have someone who understands remind me why it is important to keep trying. I have had more determination to wear the CPAP mask all night. Thank you Autumn!
I feel a little guilty posting results this week since it seems like a down week for my fellow weight warriors. We must remember though that we will not win every battle. Do not let it stop you from fighting the war. I hope we can be there for each other and celebrate the victories and encourage through the defeats.
You may have noticed I hadn’t posted a weight loss/gain the past couple weeks. That’s because I hadn’t weighed in. I have been so sick of having a gain or just a maintain that I just didn’t want to step on that scale. I was done with having disappointments to write about. I started out the week with 2 co-workers asking if I had lost weight. They could see it in my face. ( I am usually behind a high desk when they see me.) Boost to my confidence #1. I ordered a new sports bras that finally arrived off of back order. I have to send it back for a smaller band and cup size. Much to the chagrin of DH! Confidence boost #2. Wednesday I was feeling lucky, sort of, and did my official weigh-in. I nearly squealed when I saw the 5 pound loss! It had to sink in and wasn’t quite believed until I saw the email confirmation. Five more pounds and I am out of the 230’s.
That is my goal. Small bites. I need to try to focus on small increments. I get focused on the big goals, like the 20 lbs before the June 3rd wedding, and get upset as the time shortens and the attainability of that goal seems too hard. Then it becomes easier to throw in the towel. Five pounds is not towel worthy. It can be done. I can do it. You can do it!
Let’s Do It!
First, I have a question for the runners out there. About a month ago I got new running shoes, Asics, and the salesgal put me in a 1/2 size larger than what I have been in. Now before this I was working in a pair of Nikes. When I ran I felt my toes hitting the end of the shoes. I hadn’t worn them since getting the new shoes. When running around I have just been throwing on an old broken in (literally my toes poke out of holes in the ends) Saucony tennies. All of that to get to this, I didn’t get to the gym much this week and was working out at home and wanted to save my running shoes for running. I put on the Nikes and just stood up and found my feet were uncomfortably squished. Like my feet had elongated, or my toes at least. Is this normal? Maybe the running is stretching out my feet? Any ideas would be great? It was just weird.
I hate my CPAP! I hate my CPAP! Have I told you I hate my CPAP?
It’s interesting AB brought up doing drastic things in her Friday post. I had been thinking all week how much determination it has been taking me to put that mask on every night.
The one on the right is supposed to be the most comfortable. They both look medieval if you ask me. It has been just over a month and I am still not use to them. The sleep meds help to make it a large portion through the night and occasionally I do feel like I have gotten some rest, but I hate them! I see the doctor in a couple of weeks, maybe something will get better. It is supposed to make a huge difference so I will keep it up. Drastic indeed! (at least for me)
I would bathe in sugar-water and sit outside at dusk everyday!
It’s a new week. Time to forget about what I didn’t get done last week and to make goals for what I want to get done this week. And DO IT!
My day has not been great!
We have an older lady at church who brings toys for all the kids every Sunday to play with while the adults socialize. Nothing fancy, you know the kind of stuff you get from Oriental Trading Company. The beaded necklaces, small clacker thingys, those slap-it wrist bracelets, that kind of thing. This week were glow-in-the-dark bracelets. My daughter handed hers to me to bend into a circle and with the slightest bend of my wrist….SPLATTER! Orange goo hits me in the eye, splashes across the front of my favorite white shirt, light pink cami and up my neck and face. Awesome! I have to sit through the whole church service with orange spots and a damp shirt from my failed attempt to scrub it out in the ladies room. As the day has gone on the orange color has changed to a hot pink and now a pastel. I am hopeful that it will just come out in the wash.
While standing in front of the sink for so long, debating whether to just go home, I decided that not all mirrors are created equal. I have thought this other times as well. I don’t know what it is, but I look better, slimmer in my mirror at home. I leave the house feeling pretty good about myself. Even if no one else notices, I seem to see differences in my body. Slimmer hips, a smaller waist, a little more definition in my cheeks, but then I go out and catch a glimpse in a window reflection or public restroom and suddenly the confidence I had leaving the house is popped like a balloon. The church bathroom mirror seems to be a magnifier!
Is it just me or do you have a mirror that you look better in too?
The last week was a good one. I worked out 6 of the 7 days, even twice on one day. I had hoped to make it 7 today, but am not sticking too closely to that goal as the day wears on. Drank enough water for a long trek through the Sahara and did pretty well with my eating. I saw downward movement on my home scale but didn’t get to my “official” weigh-in. I have been on my CPAP machine for 9 nights now. I can’t make it the whole night before I am ripping that thing off my head. I am starting to think that everyone who told me I’d get use to it, or that people love it so much they won’t even take a nap without, were just blowing smoke! I wear it because I have to, but hate it so far and really am not seeing a difference. I am still tired all the time and I am sure it doesn’t help my sleep to be fidgeting with the mask all night long. The doctor said to give it 4-6 weeks. It’s going to be a long month and a half!
Anywhoo…. How was your April Fool’s? Any good jokes played out there?