Don’t let it creep up on you again

The title of this entry is a note to myself. When I started this blog I was devoted. I was not eating sugar/candy/cake/treats. Soda? Rarely. Healthy snacks and gum were my weapons against cravings for all those things I was skipping out on. I was working out at least 3 times per week and I was dropping the lbs in a nice steady manner. Since that first 4 months I gained back 10 of the 15 pounds I lost. How did that happen?!

Here a little and there a little.

“They make the best root beer here. I have earned a night of drinking soda!”

“I have to sample these treats before we deliver them. It’s a new recipe!”

“This is the only chance I have to taste this particular delicious looking dessert.”

“Gah. My kids need me. I don’t have time to go to the gym.”

“Tomorrow will be a better day for getting my workout in.”

You get the idea. Slowly, all those good habits I was building justified themselves right out of existence. The only thing I have been consistent about for the past year is working out, but even then it was only twice a week at the most.

Overcoming my own short comings is the biggest challenge in losing the weight.

I had been avoiding a real weigh in, but on Feb 1st I weighed in, not out of habit, but because I knew I needed a reality check.

More than 2 months since I stepped on the scale and my weight was still in the range of Yuck. I had to be realistic. At best what I was doing was not helping me lose the pounds. My knee had started being sore. My cute jeans were more tight than comfortable. I was tired way more often. I started to blame my clothes for the way they looked on me. Between the scale reading and the way I was feeling, I knew I had to stop making excuses.

So for the next 2 weeks I indulged in nearly everything. The week of Valentine’s Day I did not work out once. I ate everything I felt like eating. I wasn’t trying to lose weight. I just was. Last Friday I had my last lazy day. I went to the store with my husband to get, among other things, ice cream. He asked, “Are you sure you want to get a pint to yourself?” (He is a sweet, subtle man who knows how to talk to me without becoming the target for my anger)

“It’s my last one. After tonight I am not going to indulge myself any more.” Was I justifying? Did I mean it? Honestly, I was not sure. Saturday I woke up resolved. I stepped on the scale again.

That doesn’t even make sense. Does it? I ate like a pig, didn’t work out and lost 2 lbs. But maybe that was fuel for my fire. Imagine what the scale might have read if I had tried that week?! I was ready to go. Then a dessert that I enjoy appeared. I had to decide right then and there if I was going to stick with my plan to avoid treats. Could I?! I managed to walk away but didn’t stop thinking about it.

My weakness is late at night after the kids go to bed, so I concentrated on that battle. If I needed a snack that time of night it was going to be roasted almonds or string cheese or something with protein. It doesn’t make late night snacking as fun, but it was effective. After I eat them I always regret eating desserts late at night. The next temptation in my path was a little easier. Each day I have a little more strength and a little more motivation to eat right.

Monday was President’s Day and I took advantage of not getting any kids ready for anything and went to the gym! I don’t know why but Mondays and Tuesdays are the hardest days for me to figure out how to get a workout in. I’ve managed three workouts this week and I hope to find some active thing to do with my family tomorrow afternoon. If I can plan ahead for then when & where of my workouts next week I know I will be succesful again.

Things are looking up! And my weight…

my weight is down another pound. Thank heavens. I don’t know if all this newfound (re-found) determination could have handled anything less.

I know I’m going to have days when being good is more difficult than others, but I don’t want to let one bad day give me permission to go downhill again. This blog post is titled so that I can find it easily when I’m having one of those difficult-to-stick-to-my-goals days. Losing weight really does feel like a battle…or a war. I need to win it.

Wish me luck.

Hate/Love

HATE

Getting Dressed

Beside the fact that I haven’t had time to fold the laundry that I have washed and there are at least 5 loads yet to be done, my jeans are a little tight

Compliments

I know they are well intended, but I have not been working toward my goals and my weight is creeping back up. How could I possibly “look great”? Which brings me to…

Weighing In

Speaks for itself

Feeling so lame

LOVE

My Amazing Husband

When I mentioned that I hate getting dressed, his response was, “You don’t have to get dressed on my account.” No matter how I look he makes me feel like a blushing bride.

Treats

Especially the fun, seasonal things everyone brings out just for the holidays. Yet, last year I was pretty good at resisting. My willpower this year has been dictated by feeling lame.

My Gym

This week a new branch opened just a hop, skip, and a jump from my house. Fewer excuses!

Repentance

I’m wiping my slate clean this morning and starting again. I will forgive myself for this lapse.  I am letting go of the past month (or so), eliminating excuses, and making time for me. It is a must.

Resolve

I will not give in to the temptation of swedish fish (or any other candy), late night eating,  or distractions from the important. Planning will be my friend. Every opportunity to work out is a must, because YES, just this one workout will make a difference, Self! It is time to stop the pity party/looking for more time in the day lameness. It is time for discipline and to give myself what I really want for the long run by not giving in to the right now.

My friend (a fitness warrior) posted this and I am borrowing it as my inspiration

I can do faithful!

Been doing it for 17 years and counting with my Amazing Husband. If only fitness was as accomodating.

Wish me luck!

Pace Yourself

Ever have one of those days where there just isn’t enough time in the day? Or weeks? Or decades?

Yeah.

Last Saturday was my “free” day. Didn’t have any sporting events, church activities, parties or meetings planned. Usually my hubs is home on Saturdays but he was working so it was just me and the kids. I was free to sleep in…

Does that say 7:29 am and is Little Man ever going to sleep in…ever?!

I was free to tackle the laundry

Don’t judge me. It’s almost finished….YES, it’s 4 days later, but no one will agree to my idea of one outift per month.

I was even free to weigh in. It wasn’t my “normal” weigh in day and I didn’t stick to my routine, but I braved it and got on the scale anyway.

I don’t know what is more disturbing: my weight or my toenails.

I didn’t want to share this picture, because it requires a difficult admission: When I don’t workout and I eat whatever I want I gain weight. No that isn’t earth shattering news, but it is still hard. The deeper difficulty is that all of the weeks of hard work were only helping me to maintain my weight. I need to make some real and new changes.

Tomorrow is The Feast. Thanksgiving. Perfect time to make change? Ummm…

Well, I have a two step plan for all of us which applies to both the Thanksgiving feast and the insanity that is Black Friday shopping.

Step 1: Have a plan

• Thanksgiving: If you know cousin Sandra, is bringing her sticky buns for dessert and you won’t be able to resist then maybe you should skip the dinner roll, drink water/skip the beverages full of empty calories, and load up on veggies.
• Black Friday: Know where the deals/door busters are that YOU want. Do not wander aimlessly.

Step 2: Stick to your budget

• Thanksgiving: It is perfectly acceptable to calorie count (if that is your thing), to politely pass on Aunt Molly’s weird gelatin “salad”, and to save some of your favorites for later to keep yourself from gorging.
• Black Friday: Do NOT spend more money than you have. Cute little Riley will be just as happy with the cheaper option as she will with the one that will contribute to the breaking of the bank. If you can, stick to cash. You will thank me in January.

If you want to know how the weekend is going you can follow me on Twitter! Yep, I took the plunge. My handle is @scalemattersABC. Hopefully, this should get me through the weekend and give me time to regroup/come up with a real plan for the rest of the holiday season.

Wish me luck!

“Healthy” is Not a Bad Word

My mid-week decision to stop eating sugar seems to have made all the difference. I did pretty well this week! The day after my no sugar decision I came home from grocery shopping with some of my favorite healthy eats…

Being prepared with healthy foods I enjoy makes a big difference. The past few days I have also done well at not making exceptions to my no sugar rule, exceptions like “…but I’m at Disneyland” or “…it’s late and I haven’t eaten yet” or “…but I organized this ice cream social” or “…hey look, there’s a delicious cookie within reach”. The other thing that helped was my friend, Heather. She volunteered to keep me accountable and I’ve been reporting in to her (and she to me for that matter). Knowing that someone is paying attention to my sugar intakes ensures that I pay more attention to what I’m eating.

I ate better this week and did good at skipping treats, but my workouts…not so great. For several reasons I didn’t get to a spin/cycling class and I haven’t gone to Mandy’s Friday workout in too long. I went ten days between my last 2 workouts. Yesterday at Mandy’s class was so much more difficult than usual…and I think she may have been going easy on us! I was prepared to step on the scale (a day late) and be disappointed again because of my lack of exercise these past 2 weeks. Instead I was pleased….

I lost FOUR POUNDS this week!!!

The morale of my story this week is: It matters what you eat! Sometimes I think we (well, I) pretend that as long as I/we exercise then we’re doing fine. My month or so of gaining weight shows that is not the case. It’s the basic principle of calories in versus calories out. Simple as that. Miserable as that.

My semester starts on Monday and my boys go back to school, too. I’m already trying to plan out my workouts and packing lunches. Stupid planning. Losing weight is so much more work than gaining weight, but I suppose if it was easy there’d be a lot less fat people. I’m working on decreasing the number of fat people by one.

Wish me luck!

getting help

My goal was to have a better week this week than last. However, it was equal parts the same and different which are working toward “better”….it makes sense in my head. I didn’t weigh in this week. Partially because of the week and partially because it’s that time of the month. It could be depressing…or induce crying to step on the scale.

I saw my doc this week. He referred me to a new podiatrist for my foot problem. Walking from my classroom to my car hurts let alone trying to do a couple of miles for exercise. I am looking into accupuncture as a way to relieve the pain of or maybe even fix my platar fasciitis, too.

Doc also referred me to a nutritionist. I met Sarah this morning. She was more helpful than I expected. I feel prepared to have a better week nutrition wise! She got me excited again. I did not realize until I was sitting across the desk from her talking about my life how much I avoided eating in general and carbs specifically because of my fear that I would be eating what was wrong for me. I have been going between days where I do not eat enough and days where I eat whatever and probably too much of it. She gave me some encouragement, guidelines, and motivation to be consistent.

This week I need to make some time to do yoga early in the morning which will require a whole snowball of events to get there. But I want to make the changes (especially dropped weight) and I need to plan. My resistance to planning ahead is beginning to wear down.

Wish me luck!

Green is my favorite color and these are my favorite pants

I planned and I lost….weight that is. I lost more than 2 pounds. Now just under 4 pounds to lose before I can reward myself with a pedicure to beautify these horrendous looking toenails.

I put on my favorite pair of pants on today. I bought them on a whim at least 5 years ago. These pants are so comfy! They are flowy. They feel good on freshly shaved legs. They can be dressed up or dressed down. They have an elastic waistband to accomodate my changing size. I love these pants and yet, I cannot wait until they don’t stay up and I have to get rid of them. It’s getting close! I hike them up a little because they’re falling down my body enough now when I put them on that I tend to step on the bottom. The last 3 times I wore these pants I nearly killed myself tripping over the flowing fabric at the bottom of the pant leg.

Honestly, I want them to not fit, but I will miss these pants dearly. Finding clothes you love is rare when you have to search and search and search (and then search some more) through stores for something that fits well and then pray that it looks good.  The only thing that encourages me is the smaller the size I’m in the more variety of clothing there seems to be in stores…and there’s a greater variety of stores I can shop at!

Here’s to another week of planning, hoping to reach my next goal so I can make my toes pretty, and shrinking like Alice in Wonderland!

Wish me luck!

Where is the unpause button?

Emergency trip to the dentist. Girl Scout cookies. 5-year-old with a double ear infection. Lack of sleep after staying up with the crying 5-year-old. Three exams. Waiting on pins & needles for my nephew to come home (big family drama). The combination of those things (along with my regular crazy/fun life) sabotaged my week. I remember at one point thinking that I needed a pause button to catch my breath or at the very least to not worry about my fitness goals for a little while. Then almost immediately after the thought came to me that I cannot pause if I want to succeed.

Here’s proof.

I’m tired of looking at my ugly toes. I promised myself a new pedicure when I hit 20 pounds lost, and since then all I’ve done is gain 😦

My goal for this weekend is to get ahead of my school work. I felt like I was chasing deadlines this week. Consequently, instead of working out I was studying and doing homework. When I don’t work out, I forget to eat well. Not a good combination. (I don’t have the same problem resident blogger Kris does)

Tomorrow I am going to workout!!! My goal is to get to the gym and swim in the morning….before anyone notices I’m gone. After that I’ll spend some time with family and some time with the books. Balanced Saturday.

In this next week I need to reduce my stress. One way I plan to do that is to start my day with spiritual guidance. My day always goes better if I’ve read counsel from the Lord through scriptures and then pray and listen for His guidance. Some people call it meditation…a rose by any other name…

My big goal for the week is balance, and I know to balance I need to plan ahead. You know how much I LOVE to plan ahead (insert sarcastic eye roll). It’s just that whenever I do make a plan it seems something comes up to turn it upside down. So maybe I will make a plan and a backup plan.

Gag!

Ok, fine. I’m doing it. Each night if when I go to my room early (before 10…ok, maybe by 9:30) then I can assess the next day and make a plan for food and exercise. If I don’t break out in hives from having to plan ahead.

Wish me luck!

Planning

This week I’ve been trying to work on planning. Saturday I made a meal plan for the week and went grocery shopping. By the time I get home from work I’m so tired I don’t have the energy to cook dinner {sad, but true story} so the night before I’ve been prepping the meal and putting it in the fridge with foil and then the hubs pops it in the oven when I leave work and I get to come home to a hot, home cooked meal. It’s a win win here, folks! I can’t believe how much this little preparation has helped me this week. The bonus is that I have leftovers to take for lunch the next day, so I don’t have  to spend money on lunch. It’s great.  

Another thing I’ve been working on is not weighing. I told Bry I was only going to weigh on Thursday mornings, but that didn’t last. But I did only weigh 3 times this week, which is pretty good for me. This morning I weighed and I’m down 2 lbs. That’s a good, healthy weight loss. I’m proud of that. Especially after all the stress that’s been happening my life. Yesterday I had a bad afternoon…. I *may* have indulged in some chocolate dipped pretzels. I realize that they weren’t going to change the bad day, but they sure did taste good. And you know what, it’s ok that I indulged.It is not realistic for me to say that I will never have chocolate, or candy, or ice cream again. Everything in moderation, right?

So, my goal for this next week is to continue to plan my dinners and to add in some exercise. I did go walking on Monday, but I need to kick that up a notch. Also, to try and remember that emotions, happy, sad, whatever they may be, does not mean that it’s a chance for me to eat poorly.

Hope everyone has had a good week!

xoxo

Autumn

 

not what good looks like

What is the best thing you remember about being a teenager? Go ahead and think about it for a minute. I really would love to know. (you can comment below)

If I’d asked 15 year old you that same question would you have given the same answer?

It’s been 25 years since I was 15. I won’t make you do the math. I’m 40. (What? I weigh myself each week and take a picture to share with you. You think I’m embarrassed about how old I am? Psh.) I’m so far from 15 that my oldest will be that age before 2012 is over…even if the Mayans knew what they were talking about.

Perhaps, I have a little perspective. If you are closer to that age maybe your answer would be different. Here is my answer to the first question in a picture…

Dang! She’s cute even without a tan…and in that lovely bathing suit. My elbows haven’t changed. Now they’re just flanked by flab. I still love the beach as much as she did. I still like my hair long. She and I have much in common, but there is one point on which I would vehemently disagree with her. This is what she wrote on the back of this photo in 1987…

It breaks my heart that skinny, teenage me did not recognize my own beauty.

In my theory on “how I let myself get so fat” one of my main points would be that I never thought I was fit or thin or healthy. Something embedded in my brain at a young age that I was always too big. I’d like to shake that girl, share my perspective and tell her to take care of herself!

Gah! This is depressing. It’s a good reminder that even constructive criticism can make a teenage girl feel defeated. Encouragement! Encouragement is what teenagers need in every aspect of their life. I need to be better at that with my beautiful daughter. She is ten times prettier than I ever was and more athletic and funnier and more comfortable in her own skin. I hope I contributed to that.

What does this have to do with me and my week? Good question. I’ve been getting a lot of, “Hey! You look good!” comments lately. While I appreciate the sentiment I don’t really believe them. I know I look better and I’m making progress, but “good” not so much. A few friends have said they can see the inches coming off. Me, too. Those compliments are easier to believe. But does my disbelief in the others show that I have the same problem that my 15 year old self did? Do I just need perspective?

Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that question. I am far away from reaching my goal, but I am making progress. I really appreciate the compliments and the encouragement. REALLY APPRECIATE! That’s one of the things that keeps me motivated when I have weeks like this one. My week? Oh, well I think I’ve discovered that 2 intense workouts and half heartedly watching what I eat will put me at maintaining my weight, because I’m at EXACTLY the same weight as last week (so why post a photo). Guess I forgot I was supposed to try harder this week.

I start classes on Monday. I’ll be taking 13 credit hours this semester. Things are about to get hectic. I need to plan. I hate planning (read that like the whiney 15 year old me is saying it), but I recognize that in order for my life and for my family to function I need to overcome my hatred.

Wish me luck!

Time alone can be a dangerous thing….

My husband and kids left today for a week of skiing. Yes, even the little ones. Everyone skis. I am not sure I count as a skier but I have been. Hubby started in Europe at age 8 and the teens started when they were 4 and 6. We started  our 3 1/2-year-old last year and now it’s time for the youngest(2yo) to start. My in-laws have a condo in one of the ski towns and we go up for a week  every year. This year a change in my work schedule made it impossible for me to go. I have mixed feelings about that. I have lucked missed out on skiing for the past 7 yrs. I have either been pregnant or had a child too young to join in so I had an excuse to not participate. That reason is over now that the last child will be on skis.

Skiing is a skinny person’s sport. Anyone with cankles trying to get into a ski boot can tell you that! It would make me cry trying to get the boot to buckle around my large calves. I would ski without them buckled it was so awful and that is not at all safe!  Heaven forbid you fall over in skis. You might as well be a turtle on its shell when you’re overweight! I like to ski too, but the humility of trying to get the equipment on and not falling over, or off the lift is more anxiety than it is worth! So in a way I was relieved when  my scheduled interfered. On the other hand I would love to not just hear the stories of their time on the mountain, but see it too. I love the snow, the mountains and although I haven’t gotten past the bunny slope, I like gliding down the slope and feeling, just a little bit, like an athletic person. Next Year!!

There are 2 ways I could go while being alone. Eat out a lot because, you know, that’s easier than cooking for one. That was what I have done in the past. Or eat really well because again, I am only cooking for me and there isn’t any temptation from others who love the carbs and sauces and sweets. I stocked up on protein drinks and shakes, lettuce, turkey, in anticipation of this week. Sent all the chips, bread, and cookies with the family. Make it to the gym more than the 4 times I did last week, after all I have no one else’s schedules interfering. First I am going to clean the house. It is the only time it will stay clean for longer than 30 seconds!

If I can have as good a week as what I am planning, then my next weigh in should be awesome, right?! This week’s was a little depressing. A gain of 1.4 lbs. I thought I had done ok and wasn’t expecting a gain! I only made it to the gym 4 times but they were for 1.5 hours each and I cut out several breakfasts and lunches for Biggest Loser shakes or meal bars and watched my portions and content of the meals I did eat. Sigh! It’s a process, I know. Ups come with the downs. I just want a whole lot less ups!

Let’s start the week off right together!

Eat our veggies

Get enough sleep

Drink water, lots of water

Exercise

You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

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