Is it selfish?

The past six weeks have not been the relaxing summer days I had hoped for …and that is putting it mildly. Where I’d hoped to spend time with my kids I was spending it taking care of my dad who was sick (and super cranky about it). When I did have opportunity to play, usually the kids had other plans or weren’t interested. Most days that I planned on going to the gym were up ended by some stressful event which required my attention. The money I had hoped to save by not driving kids to & from school (and Scouts and other activities) was gobbled up in unexpected auto repairs. I could go on but I don’t want to drive you away with all the negativity.

I used to think that when I went to the gym I was being selfish. Maybe it is sometimes because I can escape the chaos and stress for an hour or so. But! This summer I craved the stress relief. When I did manage to go it was usually yoga and I ALWAYS feel more relaxed after yoga.

I’m grateful for the change of mindset.

When I look at my time spent exercising as helpful (increasing my energy, reducing my stress level) instead of selfish (alone time) it makes it easier to go even when other things are pulling me away.

A few friends kept telling me over the last six weeks that I looked like I had lost more weight. I balked at them. Psh. I hadn’t been eating what I should. Workouts were few and far between. When I looked in the mirror what I saw grossed me out. No way was I weighing in when I felt huge.

On the other hand I did feel good. Even with all the stress I wasn’t as tired as before. I absolutely positively attributed that to the supplements I’ve been taking: the Long Life Vitality pack from dōTERRA. I was resistant to them because it’s TWELVE pills (three kinds, four of each), but I heard great things and wanted to give them a fair try. I am convinced they helped me get through one of the toughest months of my life without spending hours curled up in a ball of weepy mess.

Things are calming down some. My dad is doing better and is back home on his own. All three of my kids are back in school. The other stressors have started to work themselves out, too. Yesterday after dropping my youngest off at his first day of third grade I went to a spin class. It felt good. Well, it was harder than I remember and at one point I was afraid I was pushing myself so hard that I was going to fall off my bike, but it was good.

I came home feeling empowered and like I finally had the confidence to step on the scale again.

I couldn’t believe what I saw. This weight is four pounds down from my last weigh in (July 11th) AND it is the lowest I’ve been since starting this blog.

That feels good to say.

I finally broke through that stinking plateau! Maybe it was the stress. Maybe it was the supplements. It can’t possibly have been how I was eating. This weigh in was the boost I needed. I dusted off my Spark People app and recommitted to skipping the sweets. I am hopeful for the next week!

Wish me luck!

Who is this?

Kris? Who in tar-nations is Kris?

Yeah, ok it’s been awhile. Alright, a long while.

So what have I been up to?

Whelping 10 puppies.              Planning a community outreach event for our church. Over 500 people came.

Having another sleep study, changing meds, fighting with insurance, being frustrated!

Graduating my oldest from high school.

Dealing with a family member dying and hubby going to TN to help take care of him.

Hubby going to the night shift and becoming like a single parent again.

Living life.

And getting FAT!

It’s like I never lost weight. It’s all back and I hate it!

Going into this month, my boss (pastor) came to me asking if I would be interested in a gym membership. There was an opportunity to get a corporate rate at his gym. They needed 5 and after he and his wife, the worship pastor and his wife, they needed one more. I’m not sure what reaction he was expecting, I think he just asked me out of courtesy, but the look of surprise was unmistakable as I blurted out “YES!” without any hesitation at all.

It’s conveniently located blocks from work (the church) and they have great machines. The locker room is the nicest I’ve seen in a gym with a changing room, so insecure people like me can get dressed. Although, I have been the only one in the locker room every time I have been there so far.  What I don’t like is the check-in.

It’s an easy tag on my key ring that I just scan and go on my way. On a computer screen pops up my picture and a lovely “Hello Kris” greeting. Under it though, are the mocking words, “This is your 4th time here.”

Thank You, Thank You very much for reminding me how hard it is to get back in the habit. That I’ve had the membership almost a month and have only made it there 4 times. That 4 times is not enough to see results. I feel like it laughs at me when I check in. Four is better than none though right? The important thing is that I am there. (I have to keep telling myself that!)

The first visit was brutal. Half hour of cardio was not happening, it still isn’t but it’s getting easier. Today I even tried doing some running. I’m sure I looked like a blob, but it was encouraging that I could go faster starting out than I did the last time I started training. Guess I haven’t completely lost all the good effects. Each visit has gotten a little bit easier though. Soon it’ll be the 14th visit, then 40th, then 400th, right?! I’ve just got to get in the habit again.

In the meantime. Enjoy this video. This is so me and I have had every one of these thoughts!

I lost the race

It’s been a while so you probably don’t remember that my friend and I were racing to lose 10 pounds. Winner gets $10. She won. I’m excited for her and don’t mind paying up!

At the same time it’s another one of those “If I had just…” then I would be in a better place right now. Instead I’m kicking myself (figuratively…I’m not THAT flexible).

This past few weeks I think I’ve had some mental/emotional breakthroughs. I am talking to people about my goals again. Heck, I’m setting goals again! I’m finding motivation and new workout buddies.

My weight is hovering at the plateau I can’t seem to break through again! My goals include
1) Be consistent! A friend reminded me of the importance of this. I do tend to have a really good week or 10 days of workouts then “take a break” for any number of reasons. This morning I was in that mindset. I was ready to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep, but my goal popped into my head. I reluctantly got my tired booty out of bed and went to the 5:45 am cycle/spin class during summer because I knew if I didn’t then I would get my workout in today. Now that I’m home and sweaty I’m glad I did it.
2) Eat my veggies! I’m being purposeful in snacking on veggies and making sure they’re in every meal. It isn’t easy but I want it to be. Working on changing my habits.
3) Complete an ab challenge. I’m on day 8. My hubs is doing it with me for support and because he wants “to get ripped”. It won’t be that hard for him. Part of that goal i started today: checking in on twitter everyday. Need a daily dose of AB? Find me @ilovehar

I may have lost the race but I think I’ve found my focus. Now I’d better hit the shower before the masses wake up and want things like breakfast and to play games.

Wish me luck!

feeling funky

Since February I have:

• finished my Associates degree in Psychology (it sounds so unimpressive in a bullet point but it has been a long and rocky road…not the kind with almonds and marshmallows either)
• had surgery (which seems to have improved a “girl problem” I was having)
• went with my daughter on a campus tour of her dream school, Brigham Young University (two short years away…if I think about it too long I will cry)
• celebrated (mourned?) my baby’s 7th birthday (I will call him “my baby” no matter how old he gets)
• prayed in gratitude for friends who do the work of angels (if you don’t have any, let me know…I can hook you up)
• prayed for medical miracles (for both my dad and my step-dad)
• turned 42 (yesterday…but I still don’t act feel like I am in my 40s)
• gained 7 pounds (SEVEN!)

Today was the last day of the school year for my two boys. SUMMER! My daughter and I were finished last week but I have been looking forward to when we were all here – out of school – and without commitments to really start prioritizing me. Instead, I feel like I’m wandering around the house not sure of what I should do, afraid to eat anything that isn’t a vegetable, and the only “workout” that sounds good is going to the pool for a few hours with my boys.

Is there such a thing as an end-of-the-school-year-funk? Because I think I am in it.

Or maybe it’s an I-just-turned-42-and-still-haven’t-gotten-rid-of-this-weight-funk.

Either way, I’m trying to climb out of it.

I want to start logging my blood sugar levels regularly, keeping a food journal (Really? Do I?), and recording my workouts. Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that I want to want to do all of that.

I’ve been in this weight loss battle before. I know how hard it is. I think that is what is holding me back from jumping in with both feet, ready for the icy plunge. I haven’t had a lot of success. How many times do I have to be unsuccessful before I just accept that I will always be fat? I don’t want to always be fat. I hate HATE this body. My dad’s health problems have given me a front row seat to my future if I cannot get a handle on this now!

In the New Testament, more than once, Paul preaches about finding strength in our weaknesses through Christ. Perhaps, many believe this only refers to a spiritual strength, but I believe that every weakness we have, whether it is a penchant for sweets or for shoplifting doesn’t matter, but all our weaknesses are an opportunity to lean on the Lord. He gave me this body as a gift. He has even given me guidelines on how to treat it. He has given me weakness so that I can learn to depend upon Him instead of on the hand of flesh (which is a fancy way of saying not to be a slave to physical cravings and desires).

I used to have a great love of Diet Coke. My body was dependent upon that cafffeine every single day. I didn’t really want to give it up. I loved my habit, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord’s counsel to not be addicted to anything. I needed to. I tried and gave up several times. Then something clicked and I stopped. Now it’s been about six years since I have had caffeine. I feel better and I don’t really miss it.

Part of me whispers that if I can replace my love of Diet Coke with a love of drinking water, then I can definitely make the sacrifices and changes I need to get rid of this weight. But it is a whisper and sometimes there are really loud doubts trying to get my attention, too.

I am going to trust in the Lord. Trust that He loves me, one of his spirit daughters, and that He will help me to find the strength I need to overcome my weaknesses, those weaknessess that keep me from getting rid of my fat. Prayer and scripture study is my goal for this week. If I rely on the Lord then everything else will come naturally.

Wish me luck…or better yet, I’d appreciate any prayers on my behalf.

Chasing Summer

We’ve seriously been chasing summer.  My man and I just got back from a 7 night cruise in the Caribbean.  Jamaican sun, Grand Cayman snorkeling, Cozumel Mayan ruins, and a stop by a hurricane torn Bahama Island.  Have you any idea how impossible it is to be good on a cruise that long?!  I would like to say I was, but no, I wasn’t.  We had some seriously amazing fun and we ate too much tasty food so you can imagine my reluctance to get on the scale today.

3 pounds!  Surprise!  I can handle 3 pounds!

I took my break, now it’s time to do get back to it.  It’s been an adjustment to get used to placing my own napkin on my lap, and I miss the eggs benedict and chocolate croissant I had in the morning on the ship…but my regular protein shake today tasted like home…and good choices…and I’m glad to be working towards seeing the numbers drop back down and keep on’a droppin’.  Ya mon!

My Plan for September

I could burden you with all my excuses why I’ve taken such a long hiatus. I don’t even know what I weigh anymore and I’m seriously scared to pull one out and find out.

Like, terrified…

Ok I turned on Wii Fit, (which is the only “scale” I have)

deep breath…. .

and the results are….

Not so bad….Huh, I’m way weirded out currently. Well at least there hasn’t been much of a change in weight and I’m not 250. After a summer of not trying very hard to lose weight I’m happy to see I didn’t gain very much.

After living with my in laws so I could buy a house, I am now living in my own house that I am very excited about. All boxes are unpacked and my house has a lot less projects to accomplish. I will have time to exercise more and more freedom to eat what I want.

So, September is a good a month as any to try to change. I’m planning on doing a two week south beach diet so that I can reset my metabolism. I’m hoping that after the initial two weeks when I go back to more like a weight watchers diet that it will work better for me then the utter disappointment that my last diet ended up being.  By the way, I’m on day four of phase one of south beach. This diet is not for sissies. I have never been so not excited to eat before in my entire life.  If you don’t know what this diet is, it’s basically giving up all carbs for two weeks. Milk, bread, yougurt, fruit, corn, oatmeal, potatoes, all big no nos. You can have 90 ish calories a day from artificial sweetener type products. Here comes a lot of salads in my future.

September will also be the month that I will take the time to exercise. Hopefully I can make the most of my curves groupon one month long workout membership.

Here’s to lots of success this September. I can make this huge push this month and hopefully I will have formed some awesome habits out of all the work I will put into it. Oh and hopefully I can lose some wieght in the process.

Just Peachy

My husband is originally from Colorado. Near his hometown they hold the Palisade Peach Festival every year. Somehow we have never visited during the festival. Maybe it has something to do with the August heat and my in-laws not having air conditioning. I almost want to brave the heat, because I love peaches. Love them!

This is my favorite summer salad recipe. A distant but close cousin made it for us during a visit once. Some friends brought us a big box of peaches from their tree last week, so of course I made this salad. I took a picture to show it to you, but…it kinda looked like puke.

I promise it is super yummy!

Carma’s Peachy Salad

dressing

1/3 c – mayo (go ahead and use something super healthy like greek yogurt if you need to)

2 T – milk

1/2 t – salt

1/4 t – pepper

1/2 t – dried tarragon (or 1t fresh)

salad

2 1/2 c – cubed cooked chicken (if I cook it I season it with tarragon, too, but those roasted grocery store chickens work well)

1 c – red, seedless grapes cut in half

1 c – frozen peas

2 lg – peaches, peeled & cubed (I use more)

1 c – pecans halved (I chop mine up a bit)

If you want to be really super, uber healthy then you can serve it in a bowl lined with lettuce. Since I have diabetes I am trying to cut back on my carbs or eat more carbs from fruits instead of grains. This helps me do that easily! And…and there is no cheese in it. Every other salad I love has some sort of cheese in it. Cheese = fat.

I’m looking for a movie clip to share with you tomorrow (something to look forward to)…

Wish me luck!

 

I smell bad…and I earned it

I know I didn’t show up/post on Friday, but i was thinking about it. I’ve started my list of why I am motivated to lose this weight. I’ll share it later this week. BTW-since my bloggy friends seem to have jumped ship lately I am going to try to post something everyday this week.

I went to my second spin class this morning. I managed to be on the bike for the whole time, too! Walking out of that class I noticed that even the most fit people were dripping sweat. My little rag had no dry spots left on it and in the middle of the workout I looked at my hands and thought, “I didn’t know the back of my hands COULD sweat.” Seriously good workout.

Then I went to 3 different grocery stores in my quest for the best deals. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I smell bad. So if you stood behind me in a line or too close to me in the produce section today…SORRY!

Well… I’m not sorry that I smell bad. The workout was totally worth it. But I am sorry if my stench invaded your dance space.

Hope you are as excited as I am to get back to the task at hand (losing weight…or reading about me doing it…). Time to shake off the lazy summer and get to work!

Wish me luck!

“But you’re here now!”

I was lying in bed this beautiful Saturday morning and thinking about how I don’t have an exam to study for, homework to think about or a presentation to work on and I suddenly realized I did have an assignment due yesterday: my blog post! I guess I was reveling in the lack of expectations yesterday and completely neglected my promise to blog. So here I am a day late…this feels familiar.

Thursday was my last exam. It is so satisfying to look at all the things crossed off of my list (below) that I haven’t erased it yet to make room for summer plans.

my little magnet reads: You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool mom.

Summer, for me, is when I tend to make those New Year’s Resolutions. You know, the  unrealistic list of goals I want to accomplish. I feel like I will have SO MUCH MORE TIME and then crash and burn as I put them off for later or find other worthy causes where I spend my time. My goal for this summer is to be more realistic about my time and think short term.

This week is my birthday. Wednesday I will be forty-one. (Why hide it?) Just celebrated that same # with Rae last week (Yes, I’m totally outing you, my friend). She looks good, doesn’t she?

Rae, Rae’s “little” girl, AB

I will not use my birthday or “celebrating” as a reason to eat unhealthy. That is a big and difficult goal. I’m really good at justifying (I’ve had a See’s gift certificate since Christmas that I have not used because I am afraid I’ll “justify” my way into eating the entire pound in a relatively short period of time). This goal is my birthday gift to myself.

My daughter and I are finished with our school year, but my two sons will be in school this whole week. Another gift! While they are at school I will get my exercise in each day. Planning family meals will be a little easier this week, too, and I want to make dinner (a healthy dinner) every night.

The last two weeks of my semester was time consuming and stressful. (I’m grateful for a super understanding & helpful family). In those two weeks I gained 3 pounds. I’ve accepted it, forgiven myself and I’m moving forward. I also only got one workout in…which I lead while Mandy was running her marathon.

Yesterday was a return to my regular Friday workouts. Hooray! I hadn’t worked out with Mandy the magnificent in quite a while. During the class some of the girls were talking about how hard the Wednesday workout was and how sore their abs were. My comment was, “I’m glad I wasn’t here!”

The ever insightful and always kind Mandy responded, “But you’re here now!” I could not believe how much of a threat it sounded like coming from my perpetually sweet and effervescent friend!

Well, Mandy, my abs and shoulders heard you. And I thank you for never taking it easy on me. I am here now and ready to make weight loss a priority this summer!

Wish me luck!