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Therapeutic New Year

I have been anticipating a week when I will have enough time to go to the gym, to plan our family meals, and when my kids stop needing me to mediate/entertain/prepare food for them. First it was going to be in the weeks between my semester and when the kids got out of school. Then it got pushed back to being the week after Christmas…the week of New Years…when my step-dad gets out of the hospital….when my youngest graduates college and we win the lottery.

Yesterday I took matters into my own hands.

I woke up my teenage daughter, put her in charge of the early bird 6 year old, donned my workout clothes, decided the world could wait an hour for me, and went to the gym for spin class. A setback or two later and I got to class when it was half over. I worked hard and stayed an extra 10 minutes after the class was over to make up for being late. I walked out of that room, toward the front door of the gym, out into the cold sunshine and to my car feeling relief. Stress had melted away. Guilt for not going to the gym was no longer valid. I was motivated to eat better so as not to have wasted my sweat. It was totally worth neglecting my family and finding the kids had made a mess in the kitchen with their “breakfast”. Exercise therapy.

This week…this year I will not be waiting for my to do list to be checked off, for the laundry to be finished, or for my kids to not need me (that might not ever happen – I’m pretty awesome). Instead, I will put me first…at least a few times a week. Life happens. My only goal/resolution for 2013: Stop waiting for the situation to be perfect and give myself some priority.

Wish me luck!


New Year’s Resolutions

Go in one year and out the other!

Here we are at the end of 2012. Are you thinking of your new resolutions? How did you do with the ones you made last year? I am ending the year weighing less than I started by 20 pounds and wearing a size 16 jean, and having competed in a mud run obstacle race. Not where I wanted to be at this time, but better than I was and having accomplished things I never dreamed of.

I did not start out my new birthday year with a workout. I had been fighting a sickness when I last blogged and hopeful I could beat it. Illness had other plans and I celebrated Christmas hacking up a lung without a voice. Best laid plans right. I’d like to say I will ring in the new year with a workout, but as I sit here and think of all I need to do and the plans we have I don’t think it will happen. It is still on my “To do” list though.

I do want to end this year with a huge “Thank you!” to Miss AB! Because you started this blog I have had the accountability to follow through with my goals to the best of my ability. I have surprised myself this year with what I can do. I never would have even considered a 5k let alone an obstacle course had it not been for you. And here I am starting the next year by putting race dates on the calendar!

It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.- George Sheehan

For Christmas I gave my husband a gift from his bucket list. A half day zip-line tour and surprised him again with the fact that I was going with him. I never would have done it before. There are weight limits for zip-lines and I have either exceeded them or been close enough that I was too embarrassed to try. I have avoided many things in my life due to my weight. I am on my way to enjoying life more with my husband and kids and getting off the sidelines.

You have also been a dear friend outside of this blog. Thank you for everything!

My new goals for 2013……

Lose more weight this year than I did in 2012.

Read more books than I did in 2012.

Run a 5K in under 30 minutes.

Have more dates with my husband than I did in 2012.

I hope you all begin the new year with your loved ones, ready for great blessings this new year!

Happy New Year’s Scalematters!

We all have dreams, in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline and effort.
-Jesse Owens

Not there yet!


Photo: For some people it's about getting 1st place at a Spartan Race, for others it's about finishing the race.</p><br /><p>Challenge Yourself.  Challenge Your Friends.


217.2 Official weigh in this week.

I only got in 2 workouts this week. I’m starting to get frustrated with my consistency, but I saw this picture and realized how true it is. No matter how little I do it is still more than doing nothing. It also means if I want to get there sooner, to my goal of being healthy and thin, then I need to do more! Double edged sword. hurumph!

Because I have too much free time, HA!, I have taken on another job at my church. It is going to take a lot of time at first as there is much “housecleaning” to do. This will make for some creative scheduling to get the gym in. This may not be so bad as I have been nursing a foot injury. An injury that in my hubby’s medical training would sideline me should I go to the doctor. There is much pain when I move it  certain ways so I try to not move it that way. LOL! I am very afraid that should I be told to take it easy, and running would be out, then I will take it a step farther and do nothing. An excuse is all I need. I know from past behavior.

I wish motivation was easier to come by.

Maybe if I have a plan and can do something where I truly feel like I am “working” I could ease up without just flat-out stopping.

Anyone have some ideas? Swimming laps are out as there isn’t any lap pool around. Maybe spinning?

Have to think about that.

How are you all doing?

What’s the real reason?

I downloaded a free Kindle book this week not really thinking I would read it, but hey, free is FREE and I needed something new to read on the eliptical! (I haven’t managed to learn to read while running yet LOL) It’s a weight loss book. I have read a lot of diet books. A LOT! You hope maybe this one will have the magic formula. Maybe this one will make it click. Maybe! To my surprise it was not a diet book, but deals with the mental side of losing weight. What our hang-ups are to losing weight that keep us on that roller coaster of a ride with the scale. There is a good exercise in the begining that I thought I would share this week.

Why do you want to lose weight? Seems like an easy answer doesn’t it? But what is the true reason? The one that is deep down inside? The one that will keep you going when all else fails that will help you achieve your goal? Sometimes we try to lose weight for the wrong or should I say the superficial reasons.

When you are faced with that piece of cake, bag of chips, package of cookies or carton of ice cream, what is going to keep you from eating it? We all get tired, depressed, bored and hungry and what is going to compell you to stick to the program? When those items are screaming your name and every fiber of your being is trying to sway you to give in, is your reason strong enough to prevent you from caving in?

Often it is not. The candy bar or cookies or whatever, are stronger than the idea of looking good for an event or fitting into an outfit. They are right there in front of you, in plain sight and all of your goals, the reunion, the outfit- whatever it is for you- is in the background by comparison. That’s not to say you won’t ever be able to say no, it just not a switch to just turn off.

If you haven’t already realized your true purpose for losing the weight, you should find it. Stop and get clear on why you are doing this.

I want to live a long and healthy life with my husband. I want to travel and not feel restricted in what I can do. I want to go to an amusement park with my kids and not panic at the weight limits or if I can fit in the seats. I want to look in a mirror and be proud of what I see. I could go on, but how about you? Is it something deeper than a New Year’s resolution, that will keep you going to reach your purpose so that the lure of the cake won’t even come close.

The exersice of the “5 Whys” is to ask a question 5 times, at least. You may even need to go deeper than 5 to get to the route of why you are trying to lose weight. Really listen to that inner voice.

Why do I want (or need) to lose weight?

So I can feel better about myself.

Why do I need to feel better about myself?

Because my weight hurts my self confidence.

Why do I need to increase my confidence?

So I am willing and able and not afraid to do all the things my husband and kids would like me to do with them.

Why am I afraid to do the activities with my family?

Because I know I won’t have the energy to keep up or to to it correctly, fit in the seat, or I’ll be laughed at for even trying.

Why do I want to have more energy? Why do I want to lose weight?

I want to be an active participant in my own life and not a spectator.

When you know your true reasons, write them down and look at them as often. When you are faced with a temptation, count backward from 100 and think of those reasons. By the time you get to 1 that ice cream will look less appealing. When you don’t really want to hit the gym, read your reasons again.

We can do this and when we know why  we have much more motivation to endure the struggle and reach our goals!

Exerpts from Weight Loss Made Simple by Rodrick Armstrong

I haven’t met you, but I appreciate you all and cheer for you everyday!

i might be crazy

I don’t feel like writing. Getting dressed for church today I felt fat in everything. Ok, so the skirt I wore was actually barely staying on. Still felt fat. Why does feeling fat make me want to eat my weight in chocolate?

I weighed myself on Friday…

This claims I’ve lost more than 12 lbs. total. I think it was kind of cheating since I had a stomach virus. And 12 lbs doesn’t feel like a whole lot. I know. I know. It is. It’s a big deal. 12 big deals. But I feel more like: big woop.

What? Oh, I’m sorry. Your distracted by what’s on my feet? They’re shoes. No, not water shoes….although, I’m pretty sure they’d be fine in water. They’re Vibram Five Finger shoes. My husband heard about them from a colleage and so we did a little research and decided they might be good for me because of some of the foot problems I’ve had. It’s almost like working out/walking/jogging barefoot except with grip & protection on the bottom of your feet. No padding. I love them. LOVE THEM. I’d been working out barefooted and not doing much walking/jogging, but I like both much better with these.

I don’t like running. I barely can make myself jog. Why get a pair of shoes that is meant to help one run more naturally if I don’t like running? Cuz I’m fat. Need to lose (more) weight. Doing lots of stuff I don’t really like. Hoping to start liking it more. You know it’s funny after a month (or so) of not eating candy that sweet stuff is almost too sweet. I’ve also noticed that my tendency is to reach for candy when I want a quick snack…or I’m bored….or tired. I’m hoping this period of abstinence helps me to retrain my way of thinking and keep avoiding candy. Sorry. Sidetracked. This is how my brain works.

So, I’ve got the fancy shoes, and I hate to run. So why not sign up for a half marathon. Well, at least that was the plan. Hiccup in my plan is that the race I wanted to run (same one my friend who just lost her husband is planning to do the full marathon) well, it sold out in an hour. Had the half marathon in my cart, walked away to help a kid get ready for school, came back, hit submit…SOLD OUT.

Maybe I should take it as a sign.

My sister doesn’t think so. She was going to do the half with me. Do you know how long a half marathon is? 13.1 miles. Crazy, right? Run that all at once. Well, crazy runs in my family. My sister is gung ho. We’re finding a half to do next Spring (Summer would be too hot – and let’s not add something else I don’t like into the mix or I might lose my motivation). So we are looking for a Saturday half marathon in May or June that isn’t too far away (although, I did see one in Ireland I liked)!

Wish me luck.


My grandmother (years ago) was told by her doctor that if she ate chicken, broccoli, and cauliflower, it would prolong her life;  So for the rest of her days, at least 5 days a week, guess what she ate for dinner?  Yep, you guessed it, chicken, broccoli and cauliflower.  I felt so bad for grandpa!!  I do have to admit, I believe that diet prolonged her life.There is also my dad.  Goodness how I love him!  He is amazing in so many ways AND he has his mothers ability to control his diet to a point that it is beyond admirable.  The doctor tells him to drink pomegranate juice… He drinks it EVERY DAY!  The doctor told him he needed to go on a low carb diet…Really, he did and totally sticks to it, he doesn’t even cheat!  The doctor tells him to drink 64 ounces of water a day….Seriously, I think he measures it.

So why, why do I have such a hard time persevering?   I think I should have been given the genetic “self control” marker, and not the “self indulgent” marker;  I do think somewhere in my making they were mixed up.   I find that I often times frustrate myself because of my total lack of perseverance and self control, but don’t know how to fix it.

I am going to persevere this time, I am going to make my grandmother, dad, husband, family, friends, kids and MYSELF proud.  I know in my mind that it is going to take time;  I just wish it was a little easier to stay encouraged.

Today, I was actually excited to “hit the scale”.  I fully expected that with the efforts this week I would have met my first goal….Well here it is, I didn’t.  I am 1.6 pounds away.   Wow, how I was hoping to hit it this week, but, well, STINK! it just didn’t happen.  Oh how I want to give up.  How dumb is that?  I have lost weight, just not as much as I wanted to.   I have, on the other hand, been able to stick to my other plans, so I will celebrate that, and hope I can continue into this week.

Until next week… Stick to it!!

Best laid plans…

It  is hard to come to the reality that you don’t have it all together.  I am an organizer (except for my home…don’t go checking too hard around there)  I like to be helpful, especially to my family and friends.  What is hard for me is to realize that I need as much help or more.  I have been in denial for a long time.

I thought I was so helpful going to nutrition classes with my mom -even if I was officially considered obese by my doctor.  It was just a minor thing…something easy to fix.  I actually did really well for a while and then for a reason I don’t know, I just stopped trying, stopped eating right, stopped exercising and then was somehow surprised when I found myself 30 pounds heavier and no end in sight.

Then my friend, my very best friend, sent me an email that I briefly glanced at and ignored because I didn’t want to face reality that I really needed help.  I was unhappy, unhealthy, and didn’t really care.  I’ve been fighting depression for years; not the suicidal type of depression – haven’t gotten there since my teenage years, but still, I just get really down.  Recently, that has been me…down.  Down on myself for getting to where I am now, down on myself for backing off on my plans, down on myself for not keeping all the balls I’m juggling up in the air.  Just down.  I’m realizing that I just expect too much of myself.  I’m not doing anything well…school, Awana, home…all is just so-so.  I’m not happy with so-so.  I’m an over achiever.  Do it great!  Do it right!  How do you change your mentality?  I’m not sure.

When I’m down, I notice way too many things that keep me down.  6 months ago or so my husband stopped looking at me.  I’m not saying he never looks at me, I’m just saying that when I’m getting dressed or getting out of the shower, he no longer sneaks a peak or makes any kind of comment that has been typical of him for years.  It hurts me deep…mostly because it’s all my fault.  I mean, who would want to look at what I’ve let myself become this past year.  Please don’t think I’m bashing my husband.  He’s a wonderful, kind, affirming man who truly loves me.  I don’t even think he knows the change…

I have great plans to change.  I draw out a plan and then for a while I keep up, I am so organized…for a while.  Life throws me a change and then I lose my concentration and off I go…

My goal was to be down 8 lbs by the end of the month….for our cruise.  I was hoping I would fit into some of my clothes again…well, those pounds didn’t come off the same place I put them on, so my body is not cooperating with my plan.  I am now 172.5 lbs.  Started at 181.5 so I’m down 9 pounds.  I have another week before we go…and I did awesome on reaching my goals… I should be celebrating, right?!

OK, let’s see what I can do this week…maybe there’s still hope in fitting into something nicer than the 3-4 pair of shorts I wear over and over not wanting to put any more money into a size I don’t want to be wearing.  Maybe doing a little more exercise would be a good place to start, eh?!

This week I haven’t hardly exercised. At the beginning of the week, I golfed and swam but being away from home, away from the routine I’d been working on, I just didn’t plan enough to work out a change for my exercise routine.  It’s been almost a week since we’ve been back home and my routine fell completely apart. I golfed again on Sunday; a nice time with just my hubby.  I’m trying something different this time… This time, I’m trying to catch myself before I fall too far.  I’m trying.  That’s where I am today folks, trying…starting by making plans for the rest of the week.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on tonight…

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