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i should be doing homework

…but I’d rather sound a little loopy and too tired to write well in homework for my online history class than I would here on my favorite blog. I’ve got my priorities! I’ve got to post before I’m babbling on incomprehensibly….like last week’s post…that I deleted a whole paragraph from after I read it the next day.

I made some big decisions and changes this week, but my weight stayed the same (affirmation that 2 good workouts and half heartedly watching what I eat is my maintenance formula). I joined a gym. I wanted to do this without having to put out big money for a gym or a trainer or any of those other things people invest in to help them lose weight. Low cost weight loss! But this week I realized that if I’m going to get my workouts in I need help. I need to diversify my workouts. I need more options than walking since my stupid foot thing hurts every time I walk/jog. I don’t own a bike. February is too cold to swim in an outdoor pool…even in California. So I joined the gym. I needed to recognize my limitations and increase my resources.

Now that my semester has started I have to seriously plan ahead. I don’t like to plan ahead. My goal for this week is to write down how I’m going to workout on each day that I plan to get exercise in and to get at least 4 workouts in. I’ve been filling the fridge and pantry with healthier snacks and foods that I can take on the run, but I haven’t been packing them to take with me. Someone reminded me this week that it’s best for metabolism if I eat 5 or 6 small meals a day. I’ve been sneaking in 2 meals and maybe a snack. My other goal for the week is to plan my food the night before for each day and on days when I’m going to be on campus for many hours (most days) that I pack plenty of healthy, happy, weight loss friendly food.

Ugh. Planning. Why do I have such an aversion to planning ahead? I guess if I could figure that out I wouldn’t be blogging instead of working on the homework assignment I haven’t started that is due in 2 hours.

Wish me luck!


not what good looks like

What is the best thing you remember about being a teenager? Go ahead and think about it for a minute. I really would love to know. (you can comment below)

If I’d asked 15 year old you that same question would you have given the same answer?

It’s been 25 years since I was 15. I won’t make you do the math. I’m 40. (What? I weigh myself each week and take a picture to share with you. You think I’m embarrassed about how old I am? Psh.) I’m so far from 15 that my oldest will be that age before 2012 is over…even if the Mayans knew what they were talking about.

Perhaps, I have a little perspective. If you are closer to that age maybe your answer would be different. Here is my answer to the first question in a picture…

Dang! She’s cute even without a tan…and in that lovely bathing suit. My elbows haven’t changed. Now they’re just flanked by flab. I still love the beach as much as she did. I still like my hair long. She and I have much in common, but there is one point on which I would vehemently disagree with her. This is what she wrote on the back of this photo in 1987…

It breaks my heart that skinny, teenage me did not recognize my own beauty.

In my theory on “how I let myself get so fat” one of my main points would be that I never thought I was fit or thin or healthy. Something embedded in my brain at a young age that I was always too big. I’d like to shake that girl, share my perspective and tell her to take care of herself!

Gah! This is depressing. It’s a good reminder that even constructive criticism can make a teenage girl feel defeated. Encouragement! Encouragement is what teenagers need in every aspect of their life. I need to be better at that with my beautiful daughter. She is ten times prettier than I ever was and more athletic and funnier and more comfortable in her own skin. I hope I contributed to that.

What does this have to do with me and my week? Good question. I’ve been getting a lot of, “Hey! You look good!” comments lately. While I appreciate the sentiment I don’t really believe them. I know I look better and I’m making progress, but “good” not so much. A few friends have said they can see the inches coming off. Me, too. Those compliments are easier to believe. But does my disbelief in the others show that I have the same problem that my 15 year old self did? Do I just need perspective?

Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that question. I am far away from reaching my goal, but I am making progress. I really appreciate the compliments and the encouragement. REALLY APPRECIATE! That’s one of the things that keeps me motivated when I have weeks like this one. My week? Oh, well I think I’ve discovered that 2 intense workouts and half heartedly watching what I eat will put me at maintaining my weight, because I’m at EXACTLY the same weight as last week (so why post a photo). Guess I forgot I was supposed to try harder this week.

I start classes on Monday. I’ll be taking 13 credit hours this semester. Things are about to get hectic. I need to plan. I hate planning (read that like the whiney 15 year old me is saying it), but I recognize that in order for my life and for my family to function I need to overcome my hatred.

Wish me luck!

A Dose of My Own Medicine

Well, I’ve somehow made it through another week. It’s been a long week, and I wasn’t good with my goals. I didn’t go walking with my neighbors once. Bry was in the hospital until Saturday afternoon and this week has been chalk full of Dr appointments.Intercaranial hypertension is the diagnosis he was finally given {after 7 months who would have thought a neuro ophthalmologist would be the one to diagnose him?} . Basically too much spinal fluid that’s causing him problems. So, a spinal tap and a shunt should take care of that!

While I’ve been going through all of these medical problems with my husband I realized how I have not been taking care of myself. I have been sleeping fewer hours than a human should. I’ve been grabbing food that was convenient, and there is no one to blame but me. So I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. I grabbed my favorite yogurt from the fridge {Kroger Carbsmart– 60 calories 8 grams of protein and like 3 grams of sugar! Vanilla Chai is to die for!}, a string cheese, and headed out to work. For lunch I went to Chipotle and had a burrito bowl sans the rice and added lettuce. For dinner, homemade chili. All great choices! When I logged my calories {the Lose It app is AMAZING} I stayed within my caloric intake {actually 200 calories below it!} and  I feel satisfied. It’s amazing how easy it is to get off the wagon, but how much better you feel when you get back on.

I’m making just one goal tonight. I want to register for a 5k by next week. I want to ultimately do the breast cancer 3 day, but one step at a time, right? So a 5k it is.

Oh, I totally forgot!!!! I weighed today….btw, working where there is a scale is not easy. At all. Anyways, I weighed… and I maintained. I’m not going to lie, my emotions were mixed. I was a tad relieved that I didn’t gain because it would just tempt me not to post tonight. But I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t even lose an ounce. Like, I was EXACTLY where I was last week. I wish I could blame it on hormones, or something but honestly, it was all my decisions that I made that effected my weight. So, as I was giving myself a guilt trip a patient came into my office and weighed. She had maintained… you know what I told her? “That’s great! It’s better than gaining, right?!” and I truly believed that for her. So, now I have to take a big, fat dose of my own medicine and remind myself “that’s great! It’s better than gaining, right?!” One day, I’ll believe that for myself.;)

BTW, my hubs just said the funniest thing about me blogging on here.. “it’s like your own personal weight watchers without paying for it. You blog once a week, and weigh in once a week” Kinda true though, so thank you, ladies {I’m assuming the other 6 who blog are the only ones reading my posts lol} for being my support! Have a great week!!



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