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feeling funky

Since February I have:

  • finished my Associates degree in Psychology (it sounds so unimpressive in a bullet point but it has been a long and rocky road…not the kind with almonds and marshmallows either)
  • had surgery (which seems to have improved a “girl problem” I was having)
  • went with my daughter on a campus tour of her dream school, Brigham Young University (two short years away…if I think about it too long I will cry)
  • celebrated (mourned?) my baby’s 7th birthday (I will call him “my baby” no matter how old he gets)
  • prayed in gratitude for friends who do the work of angels (if you don’t have any, let me know…I can hook you up)
  • prayed for medical miracles (for both my dad and my step-dad)
  • turned 42 (yesterday…but I still don’t act feel like I am in my 40s)
  • gained 7 pounds (SEVEN!)

Today was the last day of the school year for my two boys. SUMMER! My daughter and I were finished last week but I have been looking forward to when we were all here – out of school – and without commitments to really start prioritizing me. Instead, I feel like I’m wandering around the house not sure of what I should do, afraid to eat anything that isn’t a vegetable, and the only “workout” that sounds good is going to the pool for a few hours with my boys.

Is there such a thing as an end-of-the-school-year-funk? Because I think I am in it.

Or maybe it’s an I-just-turned-42-and-still-haven’t-gotten-rid-of-this-weight-funk.

Either way, I’m trying to climb out of it.

I want to start logging my blood sugar levels regularly, keeping a food journal (Really? Do I?), and recording my workouts. Maybe the more appropriate thing to say is that I want to want to do all of that.

I’ve been in this weight loss battle before. I know how hard it is. I think that is what is holding me back from jumping in with both feet, ready for the icy plunge. I haven’t had a lot of success. How many times do I have to be unsuccessful before I just accept that I will always be fat? I don’t want to always be fat. I hate HATE this body. My dad’s health problems have given me a front row seat to my future if I cannot get a handle on this now!

In the New Testament, more than once, Paul preaches about finding strength in our weaknesses through Christ. Perhaps, many believe this only refers to a spiritual strength, but I believe that every weakness we have, whether it is a penchant for sweets or for shoplifting doesn’t matter, but all our weaknesses are an opportunity to lean on the Lord. He gave me this body as a gift. He has even given me guidelines on how to treat it. He has given me weakness so that I can learn to depend upon Him instead of on the hand of flesh (which is a fancy way of saying not to be a slave to physical cravings and desires).

I used to have a great love of Diet Coke. My body was dependent upon that cafffeine every single day. I didn’t really want to give it up. I loved my habit, but I knew it wasn’t good for me. I knew that I needed to follow the Lord’s counsel to not be addicted to anything. I needed to. I tried and gave up several times. Then something clicked and I stopped. Now it’s been about six years since I have had caffeine. I feel better and I don’t really miss it.

Part of me whispers that if I can replace my love of Diet Coke with a love of drinking water, then I can definitely make the sacrifices and changes I need to get rid of this weight. But it is a whisper and sometimes there are really loud doubts trying to get my attention, too.

I am going to trust in the Lord. Trust that He loves me, one of his spirit daughters, and that He will help me to find the strength I need to overcome my weaknesses, those weaknessess that keep me from getting rid of my fat. Prayer and scripture study is my goal for this week. If I rely on the Lord then everything else will come naturally.

Wish me luck…or better yet, I’d appreciate any prayers on my behalf.

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I HATE THE SCALE

WARNING: This post contains the rantings of a woman spurned by a scale.

I exercised hard core this week. I not only met my goal of getting three workouts in and eating lunch every day instead of snacking but I did FOUR workouts. Not only did I participate in those four workouts but I pushed myself in every single one. I swam laps for an entire hour. I could barely catch my breath between songs during spin class. Mandy had us doing so many pushups that I lost count. And other than the two Krispy Kreme donuts -which were part of my motivation to push myself harder in my exercising – I ate really well. Not only that but I think I got plenty of sleep and I know I’ve been downing water like it’s going out of style.

So why? WHY? WHY? did the scale (stupid, dagnab scale) say this to me today:

This is 1 whole pound up from last week! Not only that but I just checked pictures in my archives and this exact weight has been rather popular lately. 3 of my last 5 weigh in results were exactly 228.6!

I was looking forward to getting on the scale today. I wanted to love the results of my hard work this week. I was hoping to shout out that I’d reached a new low weight since starting this blog.

I hate the scale.

And so help me if even one of you suggests that it’s muscle weight gain from all the work I’ve been doing you will be banished from the land of scalematters forever! (I may have been watching too many season 1 episodes of Once Upon a Time lately). All that muscle I’m gaining is supposed to be burning the fat away.

Clearly my body likes this particular weight.

I. Do. Not.

I can’t even say that I’m going to take drastic measures because I’m not sure which area of nutrition and exercise I need to fine tune. It feels so elusive. One thing I do (or don’t do) can make a huge difference on the scale, but what is the mysterious one thing…this week?

I’m going to pray about it.

Wish me luck.

 

 

Again?!

A topsy turvy week and my eating goes to pot!  No excuses except that I didn’t plan and didn’t prepare and really didn’t care.  I stand here 2 lbs heavier.  I yo-yo these pounds over and over again.  I am thankful that I have this blog to confess to so I regroup.  I know I said I was going to before, but obviously I’m on a decline right now.  I am in a funk! I even made a cake – what was I thinking?!  And even had a couple of bites after I weighed in…now what kind of thinking is that? The kind that will throw me into a complete tailspin. I am overwhelmed!  I need to step back and take things from the beginning again…again.  

I am back into my still-tight but at least I can button them pants.  I am an emotion eater it seems.  So what can I do when things get me down, set me back, upset me to the core? Well, being Christian, I have to acknowledge the He is the way…but practically, what does that mean?  I haven’t included my diet in my prayers…I wonder why I decide this is an area I don’t need Him.  Why would I think I could handle it all on my own when it’s obvious time and time again I cannot.  So in starting over, I will start with a daily prayer to help me in this area.  To get to know me even better; that God would reveal to me the way to a healthier me.  I think it’s an area I would rather just brush over but I think deep reflection is the only answer, since this circular trip I am taking isn’t the path I want to stay on.  

I am heading to the treadmill to do a little walking (still congested so no running).  If I do no other exercise I will get at minimum 30 minutes on the treadmill (or other location) every day .  I have an extremely busy week, so even 30 min is going to be hard to get in.  I know I should do more, but this is what I’m holding myself to.  

I will have a shake every morning…so no special pumpkin french toast because I found it on pinterest and really want to try it.  (yes I did last week).  I will include fruits and veggies as my snacks every day. I will have a sensible meal for dinner – this might be harder than working out every day because, like I said before, it’s going to be a crazy week.  I am looking for crockpot recipes to fill in my week planner so I will have no need to hit fast food (which I also did many times last week).  

I will get going on the projects that are overwhelming me to the point of doing nothing.  I will step back with them and make out a plan of action and take it day by day. 

This is my plan for this week.  Next week I hope to take it to the next level.  

I have one area that I did succeed in…no candy!  I have been tempted but I have said no!  I think that’s kept my gain to only 2 lbs.  So I sit at 173.  I would sure love to see the 170’s disappear for good.  May God help me through it!

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