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I HATE THE SCALE

WARNING: This post contains the rantings of a woman spurned by a scale.

I exercised hard core this week. I not only met my goal of getting three workouts in and eating lunch every day instead of snacking but I did FOUR workouts. Not only did I participate in those four workouts but I pushed myself in every single one. I swam laps for an entire hour. I could barely catch my breath between songs during spin class. Mandy had us doing so many pushups that I lost count. And other than the two Krispy Kreme donuts -which were part of my motivation to push myself harder in my exercising – I ate really well. Not only that but I think I got plenty of sleep and I know I’ve been downing water like it’s going out of style.

So why? WHY? WHY? did the scale (stupid, dagnab scale) say this to me today:

This is 1 whole pound up from last week! Not only that but I just checked pictures in my archives and this exact weight has been rather popular lately. 3 of my last 5 weigh in results were exactly 228.6!

I was looking forward to getting on the scale today. I wanted to love the results of my hard work this week. I was hoping to shout out that I’d reached a new low weight since starting this blog.

I hate the scale.

And so help me if even one of you suggests that it’s muscle weight gain from all the work I’ve been doing you will be banished from the land of scalematters forever! (I may have been watching too many season 1 episodes of Once Upon a Time lately). All that muscle I’m gaining is supposed to be burning the fat away.

Clearly my body likes this particular weight.

I. Do. Not.

I can’t even say that I’m going to take drastic measures because I’m not sure which area of nutrition and exercise I need to fine tune. It feels so elusive. One thing I do (or don’t do) can make a huge difference on the scale, but what is the mysterious one thing…this week?

I’m going to pray about it.

Wish me luck.

 

 

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I Feel Sick

…but it is a different sick than when I paid $4.08/gallon for gas this morning. Is it just me or are gas prices getting out of hand?! (Would it make me a bad mother to put my 6 year old on his bike with training wheels and tell him to ride the 5 miles to school? Come on! Big brother will be right there by him on the busy road with hills which crosses a freeway. No big, right?)

But I digress. Labor Day was a family party where we celebrated my cousin’s birthday, I drank way too much diet soda, and ate a few too many carbs. I woke up on Tuesday feeling nauseous. I tried to blame it on the heat and not drinking enough water, but I know better.

Saturday I went to a baby shower where they had such lovely food! I totally lost my ability to pass on the things I should have. I really want to describe the beauty and deliciousness of it, but I fear that would be counterproductive…for all of us. It was stupid, especially when the day before (my regular Friday weigh in) the scale showed almost a pound more than the week before! Gah!!! Of course, I drowned my sorrows in whatever I felt like eating yesterday.

Will I ever learn?!

I woke up in the night with a sour stomach, feeling like my belly was in knots. I think my body is revolting. I think I need to listen! Sugar = BAD! BAD! BAD!

I had time to post on Friday. I thought about it, too. After my weigh in and knowing that I only had 1 workout and 1 sugar free day I felt like I had nothing to say. This morning I am of a different school of thought, I need to record it when I make the wrong decisions and how it makes me feel. This will be my reminder of why I’ve been trying to hard to make these changes! I don’t want to feel like a slug or have to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

This feeling in my stomach today makes me hyper aware of my size. I hate being fat. How do I embrace that hatred and extricate the problem? One big answer (Do THIS everyday and you’ll be in better shape in no time!) would be easier, but it’s a dozen little decisions all day every day. When/how can I fit in my workout? Can I get up early enough to make time for me? Which sandwich bread should I use? Should I snack on a cookie or a handful of snap peas?

It never ends!

BUT! The more bad decisions I make the longer I have to live with this fat. I’m tired of the fat.

Each good decision is like faith. I can decide to read my scriptures, say a prayer, go to church, sing my kids a song about the Savior, or a hundred other things relating to increasing my faith or that of my kids without having to see the immediate blessings that come from those good decisions. Sometimes the blessings are obvious and rapid, but mostly I know it is for overall goodness and happiness. Every cookie I turn down, every time I head to the gym when I want to do something else, all the times I make a good, healthy decision can do the same thing for my general well being and weight loss.

In both my attempts at weight loss and in my spiritual life I know I’ve hit a point where I had to make a decision and just didn’t care which one was right. I took the easy, bad choice. I thank my Heavenly Father for repentance! But let me tell you: repentance is hard. Harder than making the right choice in the first place would have been.

This week I am going to work on my faith. I will have faith that the little things I do will each effect and contribute to helping me reach my weight loss and fitness goals.

Wish me luck.

the hungry games

I’ve totally been MIA the last few weeks, so first, I want to reassure you all I’m still alive! 🙂 I didn’t not become a tribute, nor did I have to fight to the death! I did however go to the midnight showing of The Hunger Games and got total motion sick, but LOVED it and thought I should start training like a tribute…that thought only lasted a few seconds, don’t worry! 🙂 

I have been doing pretty decent the last few weeks, but its hard to stay good during certain occasions, a co-workers last day, celebrating my 5 year wedding anniversary, Monday night… Those occasions are hard. I feel like I’ve made progress and am pretty sure I now drink my weight in water on a daily basis but there is still room for improvement. 

Today I had a dr appointment and he was going over my lab results with me and told me that my T3 was crazy low and my TSH was “a tad abnormal”. Insert mixed emotions here. The dr told me that this was why I was struggling so much to get weight off and now I would take a magic pill every morning and the Earth would be round again. I felt relieved knowing that my slow metabolism was partly to blame for my weight, but I also felt so frustrated that I even had to deal with it. I have been trying and felt like my hard work didn’t matter because my body was fighting against it. Ok, rant is over…I’ll start taking my pills in the morning and report back (this dr loves me so much he didn’t want to wait a whole month until my next appointment, he requested a follow up in 2 weeks…I’m that awesome).

I’m exhausted. This has been a long week. I had ice cream tonight and didn’t even feel guilty cause I felt like I deserved it! 😉  I have my lap band dr appt in the morning and I think I’m down about 8lbs since my last visit. Slow and steady… But here’s hoping my new pills make me thin quick! 😉 

 

xoxo,

Autumn

Ah-HA

I missed last week. Sorry about that. I can’t even tell you what happened last week though, so you’ll just have to forgive me and move on with it like I did! 😉

Moving on… last Thursday I was talking to the hubs about my weight {seriously I do talk about other things than this, I swear} and telling him how frustrated I was with it. I told him I wanted to do anything to get that scale moving. One of my sweet co-workers is doing HCG so I was talking to Bry about that when I had an “Ah-Ha” moment. I don’t need a tool to help me, I HAVE a tool to help me! So the next morning I put on my Big Girl Pants and decided I was going to become a patient again at my work. I made an appointment, filled out the paperwork for 2012 {we had 2009 paperwork on file…oops}, and talked to the dr. I think that was the hardest part for me. I told him that once a month I needed him to be my Dr. I needed him and I to have that Patient Dr relationship that was completely disregarded when I started working there. I told him that I needed him to hold me accountable and treat me like any other patient. He agreed he would do that on 2 conditions. 1. I had to recognize that I had a lot of stress in my life and that 2. I needed to take time for myself. I was fine with #1 but #2 has never been my strong suit. But I agreed. He told me he was proud of me for coming to him and that this was a sign to him that I was ready again to lose the rest of my weight. The he gave me a fill. 1cc. That’s a pretty aggressive fill for someone who hasn’t had one in nearly 2 years. I stood up and I knew it was too full. However, I saw this as an opportunity to try and restrict myself and thought that I would “get used to it”. By Saturday morning I couldn’t hardly swallow. I interrupted my poor doc in Synagogue and told him what was happening. He met me at the office and took out a 1/2 cc and suddenly my world was so much better!

This week has been so nice. I eat about 1/2 c- 1cup and I feel satisfied for 4-6 hours. I’ve been making good choices and this morning I weighed. I crossed my everything and stepped on the scale. I had lost 4.5 lbs!!!!! I was sooooo excited! A little hard work and a fill really paid off! 🙂

At this point, I would like to add for any of you who thinks that I’m a cheater by having a lap band for losing weight… you try eating a cup of food and not wanting more. Even if you know that you can’t physically do it. You try not having sweets. It’s not easy. I’m working hard. And you know what, if you want to call me a cheater then that’s what I am! I work hard and track my every bite and every step. My way of “cheating” isn’t easy!

Anyways, here are the goals I was given for the month by my doc….

1. Walk 1 mile nightly.

2. Consume no more than 1500 cal/day

3. Track every single bite I put in my mouth.

So that’s what I’m working on. It’s not easy, but I know that it will be worth it. And you know what… I’m proud of myself.

Hope everyone has a good week!

xoxo,

Autumn

M.I.A

I am as shocked as you are to see myself typing. I seriously cannot put my head around the fact that days are flying by me and I have no idea where they are going. “Busy” is a term used for the occasional full-schedule that throws you off your game. “Insane” is the term I like to use to describe my life lately. I finally called a “pause” this week and hit the brakes on my running around like a crazy woman..to an extent, because let’s face it..do Mom’s ever truly slow down??

 To be completely honest, my goals have been “less than achieved” these days. I haven’t been working out, my eating has been on again off again, and the scale HATES ME. In a nutshell I feel like I have gone completely MIA on everything I am trying to work on, and I am ready for an “easy” button. Since I live in reality and not the staples store, I really need to put my big girl panties on and step up!! Which is what my intentions are, now..today..as we speak.

  Do you dread meals? I do. I dread having to think in-depth about every little carb, calorie and protein I am ingesting. So, I haven’t been, well for the most part. Lately I have taken the ..”.I am too tired t fix a complex meal, I’ll just do this” route entirely too often. “This” consists of old stand by’s that are easy to fix, sometimes easy to eat (I do have lapband after all), and entirely the wrong direction to make my scale become my friend again. Time to climb up out of the dust of this wagon that I fell from. Ready..let’s go!

 This morning I am having a protein shake for breakfast..not late morning like I usually do because I am not hungry yet. I am going to attempt to stay one step ahead of the hunger. I may go the same direction for lunch, or go crazy and have the tuna I have seen staring me down in my cupboard as I (insert head drop of shame here) made COOKIES yesterday!!  I know..I know..what is this world coming to!!

Exercise. Hmmm..now that one is a bit trickier. Bob has been on his own for a while, no speaking, no face time. If I am going to stay in again today and keep with my “seclusion and no running around” promise, then I think we may get re-aquainted. I have also realized. I can do a push up. I can. No seriously. They aren’t pretty, and the Army PT people would eat me alive..but they are push ups none the less. And, my goal for the day is 20 of those little puppies before my protein shake, along with these nasty little things called sit ups (40 is my goal there). starting slow, and easing my way back. That’s my story and I am sticking to it!!!

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