Don’t let it creep up on you again

The title of this entry is a note to myself. When I started this blog I was devoted. I was not eating sugar/candy/cake/treats. Soda? Rarely. Healthy snacks and gum were my weapons against cravings for all those things I was skipping out on. I was working out at least 3 times per week and I was dropping the lbs in a nice steady manner. Since that first 4 months I gained back 10 of the 15 pounds I lost. How did that happen?!

Here a little and there a little.

“They make the best root beer here. I have earned a night of drinking soda!”

“I have to sample these treats before we deliver them. It’s a new recipe!”

“This is the only chance I have to taste this particular delicious looking dessert.”

“Gah. My kids need me. I don’t have time to go to the gym.”

“Tomorrow will be a better day for getting my workout in.”

You get the idea. Slowly, all those good habits I was building justified themselves right out of existence. The only thing I have been consistent about for the past year is working out, but even then it was only twice a week at the most.

Overcoming my own short comings is the biggest challenge in losing the weight.

I had been avoiding a real weigh in, but on Feb 1st I weighed in, not out of habit, but because I knew I needed a reality check.

More than 2 months since I stepped on the scale and my weight was still in the range of Yuck. I had to be realistic. At best what I was doing was not helping me lose the pounds. My knee had started being sore. My cute jeans were more tight than comfortable. I was tired way more often. I started to blame my clothes for the way they looked on me. Between the scale reading and the way I was feeling, I knew I had to stop making excuses.

So for the next 2 weeks I indulged in nearly everything. The week of Valentine’s Day I did not work out once. I ate everything I felt like eating. I wasn’t trying to lose weight. I just was. Last Friday I had my last lazy day. I went to the store with my husband to get, among other things, ice cream. He asked, “Are you sure you want to get a pint to yourself?” (He is a sweet, subtle man who knows how to talk to me without becoming the target for my anger)

“It’s my last one. After tonight I am not going to indulge myself any more.” Was I justifying? Did I mean it? Honestly, I was not sure. Saturday I woke up resolved. I stepped on the scale again.

That doesn’t even make sense. Does it? I ate like a pig, didn’t work out and lost 2 lbs. But maybe that was fuel for my fire. Imagine what the scale might have read if I had tried that week?! I was ready to go. Then a dessert that I enjoy appeared. I had to decide right then and there if I was going to stick with my plan to avoid treats. Could I?! I managed to walk away but didn’t stop thinking about it.

My weakness is late at night after the kids go to bed, so I concentrated on that battle. If I needed a snack that time of night it was going to be roasted almonds or string cheese or something with protein. It doesn’t make late night snacking as fun, but it was effective. After I eat them I always regret eating desserts late at night. The next temptation in my path was a little easier. Each day I have a little more strength and a little more motivation to eat right.

Monday was President’s Day and I took advantage of not getting any kids ready for anything and went to the gym! I don’t know why but Mondays and Tuesdays are the hardest days for me to figure out how to get a workout in. I’ve managed three workouts this week and I hope to find some active thing to do with my family tomorrow afternoon. If I can plan ahead for then when & where of my workouts next week I know I will be succesful again.

Things are looking up! And my weight…

my weight is down another pound. Thank heavens. I don’t know if all this newfound (re-found) determination could have handled anything less.

I know I’m going to have days when being good is more difficult than others, but I don’t want to let one bad day give me permission to go downhill again. This blog post is titled so that I can find it easily when I’m having one of those difficult-to-stick-to-my-goals days. Losing weight really does feel like a battle…or a war. I need to win it.

Wish me luck.

New Year’s Resolutions

Go in one year and out the other!

Here we are at the end of 2012. Are you thinking of your new resolutions? How did you do with the ones you made last year? I am ending the year weighing less than I started by 20 pounds and wearing a size 16 jean, and having competed in a mud run obstacle race. Not where I wanted to be at this time, but better than I was and having accomplished things I never dreamed of.

I did not start out my new birthday year with a workout. I had been fighting a sickness when I last blogged and hopeful I could beat it. Illness had other plans and I celebrated Christmas hacking up a lung without a voice. Best laid plans right. I’d like to say I will ring in the new year with a workout, but as I sit here and think of all I need to do and the plans we have I don’t think it will happen. It is still on my “To do” list though.

I do want to end this year with a huge “Thank you!” to Miss AB! Because you started this blog I have had the accountability to follow through with my goals to the best of my ability. I have surprised myself this year with what I can do. I never would have even considered a 5k let alone an obstacle course had it not been for you. And here I am starting the next year by putting race dates on the calendar!

It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.- George Sheehan

For Christmas I gave my husband a gift from his bucket list. A half day zip-line tour and surprised him again with the fact that I was going with him. I never would have done it before. There are weight limits for zip-lines and I have either exceeded them or been close enough that I was too embarrassed to try. I have avoided many things in my life due to my weight. I am on my way to enjoying life more with my husband and kids and getting off the sidelines.

You have also been a dear friend outside of this blog. Thank you for everything!

My new goals for 2013……

Lose more weight this year than I did in 2012.

Read more books than I did in 2012.

Run a 5K in under 30 minutes.

Have more dates with my husband than I did in 2012.

I hope you all begin the new year with your loved ones, ready for great blessings this new year!

Happy New Year’s Scalematters!

We all have dreams, in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline and effort.
-Jesse Owens

Here.

I’ve started this blog post a hundred times in my head….maybe more. It’s been three weeks since I wrote anything. I’ve been mulling over what is next for me/weight loss and what changes I can make. Or maybe it has been more about what changes I am willing to make.

Anyway…haven’t figured that out yet.

Had a horrible week where I only worked out once, did not have healthy treats on hand so I ate everything. I even drove through the golden arches with my son and ordered something for myself. I was completely prepared for and expecting a 5 poundish gain. Instead…

 

I am pretty much in the same place I have stayed the last 4 weeks. Seriously?

That is so annoying. I mean…I probably should be grateful for the week of indulgence with no significant change in my weight. Instead I feel powerless. I bust my buns, eat really well and my weight stays the same. I spend a week fostering my unhealthy habits and my weight stays the same.

You know what else is annoying? Since I’m already in a mood I will tell you:

• Needing a belt to hold up your pants (to save money on buying new pants) and the largest belts at your first stop are not big enough. Thanks for raining on my parade, Target.
• How all clothing stores put “women” sizes (aka – fat lady) right next to maternity.
• 100 degree farenheit weather in OCTOBER!
• Teenager daughters…sometimes. (Other times they are super duper awesome…like right now when she is fixing my hair for a night out…while I type)
• Democrats. Republicans. Politicians.
• People who throw trash out their car windows. I actually saw someone do that this week. I thought we had evolved past littering. Don’t you remember the crying Indian Native American man?
• Having to pee in the middle of the night.

I need to stop before I get myself in a cranky mood since I am getting ready for a big birthday party. Can’t you tell by the way I’m writing my blog post?

My goal this week is to figure out what I’m really going to do to get out of this cranky weight loss rut. As I find answers I’ll do some bonus posts. Maybe I can redeem myself for the weeks of neglect.

Wish me luck.

 

I Feel Sick

…but it is a different sick than when I paid $4.08/gallon for gas this morning. Is it just me or are gas prices getting out of hand?! (Would it make me a bad mother to put my 6 year old on his bike with training wheels and tell him to ride the 5 miles to school? Come on! Big brother will be right there by him on the busy road with hills which crosses a freeway. No big, right?)

But I digress. Labor Day was a family party where we celebrated my cousin’s birthday, I drank way too much diet soda, and ate a few too many carbs. I woke up on Tuesday feeling nauseous. I tried to blame it on the heat and not drinking enough water, but I know better.

Saturday I went to a baby shower where they had such lovely food! I totally lost my ability to pass on the things I should have. I really want to describe the beauty and deliciousness of it, but I fear that would be counterproductive…for all of us. It was stupid, especially when the day before (my regular Friday weigh in) the scale showed almost a pound more than the week before! Gah!!! Of course, I drowned my sorrows in whatever I felt like eating yesterday.

Will I ever learn?!

I woke up in the night with a sour stomach, feeling like my belly was in knots. I think my body is revolting. I think I need to listen! Sugar = BAD! BAD! BAD!

I had time to post on Friday. I thought about it, too. After my weigh in and knowing that I only had 1 workout and 1 sugar free day I felt like I had nothing to say. This morning I am of a different school of thought, I need to record it when I make the wrong decisions and how it makes me feel. This will be my reminder of why I’ve been trying to hard to make these changes! I don’t want to feel like a slug or have to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

This feeling in my stomach today makes me hyper aware of my size. I hate being fat. How do I embrace that hatred and extricate the problem? One big answer (Do THIS everyday and you’ll be in better shape in no time!) would be easier, but it’s a dozen little decisions all day every day. When/how can I fit in my workout? Can I get up early enough to make time for me? Which sandwich bread should I use? Should I snack on a cookie or a handful of snap peas?

It never ends!

BUT! The more bad decisions I make the longer I have to live with this fat. I’m tired of the fat.

Each good decision is like faith. I can decide to read my scriptures, say a prayer, go to church, sing my kids a song about the Savior, or a hundred other things relating to increasing my faith or that of my kids without having to see the immediate blessings that come from those good decisions. Sometimes the blessings are obvious and rapid, but mostly I know it is for overall goodness and happiness. Every cookie I turn down, every time I head to the gym when I want to do something else, all the times I make a good, healthy decision can do the same thing for my general well being and weight loss.

In both my attempts at weight loss and in my spiritual life I know I’ve hit a point where I had to make a decision and just didn’t care which one was right. I took the easy, bad choice. I thank my Heavenly Father for repentance! But let me tell you: repentance is hard. Harder than making the right choice in the first place would have been.

This week I am going to work on my faith. I will have faith that the little things I do will each effect and contribute to helping me reach my weight loss and fitness goals.

Wish me luck.

Jane!! Get me off this crazy thing!!!!!

Do any of your kids know that quote? Youth today. So sad!

What an emotional mess it has been. The bad thing about technology is that no matter how hard you try to word something to be taken one way, someone will always think you mean it a different way. Sarcasm, joking, genuine concern or sorrow, whatever it is never quite comes across that way. Does it?

I was never a “blogger” “bloggie” “blogist” that certainly doesn’t sound right. Hmmm Anyway, didn’t read ’em, didn’t write ’em. Now it is my crack! My motivation comes from Drink, Run, Yoga and Run Fat Chick Run! I wish I was hip enough to know how to make it so you can click on those and go to their blogs. I chant “Run Fat Chick Run” in my head as I run. How can you not adore that title? LOL! I loved having  something to read each days from the ladies here. Now I am freaking out if my lone dealer (AB) is a day late with my fix! Co-dependent enough for ya? “Don’t ever leave me!!” (Said whinely, dripping in sarcasm.)

Now to the reason I have gathered you all here today. I have withheld my dose of crack to you for long enough. I am tired of waiting for some pictorial proof of my accomplishment. After 2500 pics posted I am getting annoyed and I ain’t getting any younger and more forgetful by the day. (I blame this on children and even my husband a little bit.) So I had better recall my race while I still can.

When last we saw me, I was staring out over a hill…………

Let me not gloss over this. The race was held at an off-road park and the race was built in the area that is too steep and rocky for anything but the most extreme 4×4 races. The route was very strategic in that it dropped you down into the canyon and you had to climb to get back out. Little did I know what I was getting into. I looked at races before and after and most were held in areas with mostly flat terrain, maybe some rolling hills and only some mud here and there. One mud race only had it at the very end. Most had maybe 12 obstacles. Even the Warrior Dash. Big Dog had 22 and that was after having to scrap a few at the last minute. I was lucky to be standing next to a woman who had done 5 mud runs this year alone and proceeds to tell me that this by far looks to be the hardest one. Craptastic!!

Well, here we go! Gun fires and down the hill we trotted and immediately back up only to make a sharp turn to go back down and it happens. It is steep and in trying to not go careening down the hill  uncontrollably my leg hyperextends from the hip. I felt a sharp pain that shot down my leg. I actually thought it was my knee. I had been having some knee pain leading up to the race and dosed up on Ibuprofen before the race in anticipation of it hurting. I think between that, the adrenaline and sheer determination to finish was all that kept me from realizing how bad I was hurt.

The mud started early. Before you were out over one bog there was another. More than once I was stuck, sinking and just laughing as I tried rocking back and forth trying to free a leg. What else could I do? At one the volunteer praised me for being the first to make it out with my shoe still on. It was at the 4th  obstacle that we saw the first victim have to be taken out by ATV. She just couldn’t do it. When we finished there were already 4 rescues and only one was an actual injury. We were the second wave with 1200 people who ran it. I don’t know how many total had to be taken out. Watching her get an easy ride out and seeing what I still had to endure, I will tell you I envied her a little bit.

I had thought I would have the same experience as AB’s mud run. She talked about the spectators all along the route, cheering and feeding your adrenaline. Motivating you on when you think you can’t take another step. Because of the rough terrain, there was no one except the volunteers at each obstacle and most of them just gave you a half-hearted “Good Job.” It made me glad my hubby was there after all. I was still ready to quit many a time and only kept going because what else was I going to do. I would not be rescued. I was very annoyed at the volunteers who told us we were half way there when we were sooooo not. Or the water guy who said it was all down hill from there. LIAR!!

Besides the constant up and down, the obstacles included a 40ft cargo net climb, 3 cliff climbs, two with the aid of a rope and only one of which where the rope hung low enough that you could grab it from the bottom. A 40lb cinder block that you pulled through a mud pit. Piles of tires, walls, seesaws, jumping across a mud pit on stumps of wood. All of which were so slimy with mud, plus all the mud on your shoes, made me sure I was going to break my neck. Pits that you would jump into and claw your way out of on the other slide and hope you don’t slide back down, which happened more than once.

There were areas where you would be running along a dry creek bed with sheer rock walls going up on each side and you would come to an obstacle and although they said you could go around any obstacle, there was no other way to go. One such area was the logs. Actually fallen trees they laid across the canyon and then filled the area with water for mud. This was one of two areas where I liked the volunteers. They were young (20’s) men standing on the ridge above us. There wasn’t anywhere else to watch. We hit the area the same time as another group of women. They were telling us ladies how good we looked in mud. How sexy the whole thing was, which my hubby wholly agreed with, too loudly to my embarrassment. I am sure it was aimed at the fitter ladies but it sure made me smile.

I got stuck on the suspension bridge. The slats of wood were spaced rather far apart for someone with a deficiency in the length of their legs. As we came to it hubby, 6foot 2inches hubby, thought it was no big deal to just run down the middle. Until he thought about his short wife. He would tell me later that he didn’t know how I was going to do it. In the middle the wood beams were the farthest apart and was where I ended up in the near splits trying to steady the swaying while attempting to get some forward momentum. Hubby thought I was going to fall, but some how I made it across.

The very last thing to do was climb out and cross the finish line. At least here up the smooth, solid rock they thought we deserved to have the rope the whole way. Thank you Big Dog! It sunk in a little later as I was waiting for a garden hose to try to get a majority of the mud off, and I was staring back out over the course as to what I had just done and the tears started.

I learned that I have more upper strength than I ever thought. That I truly do hate mud. That I need to remember sunscreen! Blisters, I was burned so bad. And I think I kind of like racing. Just for personal accomplishment, no record-breaking here folks!

After getting home the anguish of a torn hip flexor sunk in. I could barely move. I have had to go back to the beginning of my training programs and ease back to where I was, but it is awesome that I am doing it at a faster speed. Enough so that I am thinking 10 minute miles by the Turkey Trot! Insanity!

Hubby has already made plans for next years race. He is still not convinced of doing the Tough Mudder with me. That is on my fitness bucket list, but we’ll see.

So there you have it. Perhaps some day I will have pictures too!

 

Hey?!?……

Let me admit that when I read AB’s post I got a little defensive. “What am I? Chopped Liver?” Maybe, my thighs jiggle like they are, but still. I have done my best to post faithful for the whole 2 of you that read my posts. (Sarcastic, but I am a numbers gal and have seen the statistics. Not winning any records for followers.) There are certainly times when I think, this week for example, “Why bother? No one is reading my stuff.” I have begged asked for some updates in the past. Just something to know I am not alone is very motivational.

I read the latest post on my phone while trying to make sure my teenage driver doesn’t kills us all in a horrific car accident and playing hide-and-seek with my 2-year-old in the back seat who is convinced that  her hands covering her face is the best camouflage and listening to the latest dino facts my 4-year-old has learned while feigning interest. It is too hard for this less than tech savvy gal to reply on my phone, so I stewed over my feeling slighted while at the gym. If it is one thing treadmills are good for, it’s for thinking.

I haven’t been the best at commenting back. Rather than doing this journey together it has been more like we are on parallel lines. Friendship should be more intersecting. I went through all my excuses. I think of comments I want to make when reading from my phone and tell myself that I will post them as soon as I get to my computer. Then the distractions set in and soon the time has gone by and I worry if it is too late to say something. So I don’t. I have never really had close friends and have never done the proper rituals. Then it is very funny that I am on here. I have never met you AB. I only know you through your sweet hubby and the friendship we have has never been “official.” I think I give myself a pass because of it. “She doesn’t expect me to respond, we’re not “real” friends.”

It’s all excuses!! You and the other ladies have been my inspiration to not give up. There is no excuse for not being a cheerleader to those who have kept me going. So what if we have never been in the same room? Thanks to social media, I certainly know a whole heck of a lot about you. Possibly more than the ladies that are in my physical life. I get no pass!

I am sorry! What a hypocrite I have been, begging asking for our long-lost comrades yet not nurturing the one that is still here. Struggling right along with me. I only have awesomeness because of your encouragement. My awesomeness has certainly waned this week, by the way. Too many carbs, vanilla ice cream, and a +1lb on the scale. For lunch, I ate 4-FOUR pieces of pizza. Big ole FAIL for this holiday weekend already!

I have another post planned for tomorrow. The long-awaited play by-play of the race. Again for all 2 of you. (Little more sarcasm) I just needed you to know, Miss AB, that you are so not alone!! I do not understand why all mirrors and window reflections outside of my head insist on showing me what is not the way I am so sure that I look like. Did they not get the memo? I have lost weight, I should look awesome. Nothing like leaving the house thinking that you are looking cute, maybe even a little, dare I say, sexy, perhaps a little skinny and then seeing yourself in the glass sliding doors of the store and wondering who that slug is!

I know as mothers we have sarcasm in our daily lives and that your post certainly had some. I also know that often there is hurt underlying it or disappointment. You are special! You are fantabulous! You will reach your goals! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Believe in yourself.
Believe in your ability.
You are a powerful person.
You can and will achieve your goals… when you believe… I believe in you!

Abandonment Issues

I started this blog with friends, but I was the writer (I use the term loosely). I encouraged some of them to just type what they felt when they were nervous, because I was afraid to blog alone. They did their friendly duty, got excited about the new venture, and wrote their posts beautifully.

Now I’m quite comfortable sharing my thought processes, stuff you never wanted to know,  the numbers on my scale, and much more. It seems, however, that my friends have better things to do than (over)share about their fitness goals, failures and successes.

I’m totally fine with that.

No, really. I don’t feel like I’m the only person struggling this week because I gave in to sugar cravings while I was PMSing. I don’t mind that no one else seems to want to talk about how the numbers on their scale are exactly the same this week as last week. It doesn’t bother me at all that those busy friends haven’t even commented on my posts in forever lately let alone shared their own stories.

Honestly. I’m  ok.

Although…

I might feel better if I knew that someone else was struggling against their cravings for soda or if another friend (or two) was trying to get back into the groove of a new school year. Knowing that someone else also saw their reflection from a few yards away and realized she is not the shape she pictures in her head might improve my outlook, too.

But like I said…I’m fine.

This week I’ll read what Kris posts and give her another thumbs up for her awesomeness. The rest of the week I’ll avoid sugar while I try to figure out how to productively spend my time now that all my kids are in school all day. And if no one else posts about their holiday weekend and how it affected their goals I’m sure I can find something else to read. I did just borrow the Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society from a friend. When I don’t get any comments on this post I’ll just pretend I’m sweating from my eyes in spin class next week. It’s going to be a great week. Don’t you worry about me…at all.

Wish me luck…?

“Healthy” is Not a Bad Word

My mid-week decision to stop eating sugar seems to have made all the difference. I did pretty well this week! The day after my no sugar decision I came home from grocery shopping with some of my favorite healthy eats…

Being prepared with healthy foods I enjoy makes a big difference. The past few days I have also done well at not making exceptions to my no sugar rule, exceptions like “…but I’m at Disneyland” or “…it’s late and I haven’t eaten yet” or “…but I organized this ice cream social” or “…hey look, there’s a delicious cookie within reach”. The other thing that helped was my friend, Heather. She volunteered to keep me accountable and I’ve been reporting in to her (and she to me for that matter). Knowing that someone is paying attention to my sugar intakes ensures that I pay more attention to what I’m eating.

I ate better this week and did good at skipping treats, but my workouts…not so great. For several reasons I didn’t get to a spin/cycling class and I haven’t gone to Mandy’s Friday workout in too long. I went ten days between my last 2 workouts. Yesterday at Mandy’s class was so much more difficult than usual…and I think she may have been going easy on us! I was prepared to step on the scale (a day late) and be disappointed again because of my lack of exercise these past 2 weeks. Instead I was pleased….

I lost FOUR POUNDS this week!!!

The morale of my story this week is: It matters what you eat! Sometimes I think we (well, I) pretend that as long as I/we exercise then we’re doing fine. My month or so of gaining weight shows that is not the case. It’s the basic principle of calories in versus calories out. Simple as that. Miserable as that.

My semester starts on Monday and my boys go back to school, too. I’m already trying to plan out my workouts and packing lunches. Stupid planning. Losing weight is so much more work than gaining weight, but I suppose if it was easy there’d be a lot less fat people. I’m working on decreasing the number of fat people by one.

Wish me luck!

Isn’t talk about my blood sugar level exciting?

I’ve been playing the role of Swim Mom this summer since 2 of my 3 kids were on a city swim team. This last weekend was the big, final district wide swim meet. Am I glad it’s over? Yes and no. It was a great reason to leave the house every day and a required hour of exercise for them during the summer. But I’m ready to not have to schedule my day around evening practice. And we have less than 2 weeks before my oldest starts her school year. This is our one last stretch of relaxation and family play time.

So that’s sort of why I didn’t blog on Friday, but I did WANT to blog. Since Rae is coming home today from 3 weeks in Hawaii I didn’t think she’d mind if I crashed her day.

I weighed myself on Friday, but I think it is an unofficial weigh in. I didn’t do my normal routine and I weighed in with clothes on. Still…the scale claimed I lost a pound. If it had said I gained weight I might have cried.

This week I’ve been making better choices when I eat, and I have been doing something my nutritionist called “testing in pairs”. I test my blood sugar before a meal and then again 1 – 2 hours after the meal to see the change. I can gauge which foods/meals cause my blood sugar to raise more than others and avoid those or modify them to be healthier for me. It helped some, but mostly caused me concern because my morning blood sugar has been hovering around 170 (should be between 90 and 120). This week I’m going to be testing more often. If I can eat so my blood sugars are under control then I will definitely loose weight. If I can’t get my blood sugars under control then it’s time to get back to the doctor for an adjustment of medication. I don’t want that.

Other than my kids swimming and blood sugar level…this week Aims, Rae and I will be together for a few days! We’ll be each other’s support group, I’ll harass them about blogging more, and we’ll try to get a picture of the three of us together. Wouldn’t that be novel. As a matter of fact I just looked through my pictures for the last 5 or 6 years I don’t have a single picture of the three of us together. I’ll have to change that this week.

Wish me luck!

Roller coaster ride.

Emotions are a crazy ride!!

So this is it. Next Sunday I will be post race.

I am glad that this is a VERY busy week for me and will not give me much time to think about what is coming on Saturday. This is a really good thing since this past week has been ridiculous!

So I left Sunday vowing to get a better attitude about this race. I started strong Monday until that night. It went something like this…

Girl has a puppy.

Puppy gets a hold of shoe.

Girl chases puppy.

Puppy zigs, girl zigs, knee zags!

Sharp, intense pain! The rest of the night spent with ice, elevation and hardly being able to walk. Seriously! Now? When I am just starting to get a good attitude about the race.

I got up Tuesday able to move, but with pain. I decided to try to walk it out. Two easy miles in the morning and two at night. Wednesday I was feeling better. Kept it a little easier  again and was feeling optimistic.

Thursday the race coordinators sent out some info and found out that it was decided to change the course (harder, little longer) and stop giving out info on the obstacles. They thought it would be so much better to step up to the starting line and have the anticipation of not knowing what lay ahead. Um NO! I am a planner. I plan out our vacations. Right down to the order we go on rides at Disney. It’s a sickness I know! I need to know what I am in for. Yes, I psyche myself out but I also try to figure out how I am going to do it. I was not digging this! Then I saw AB’s sneaky post from the night before. Such a great movie and I had totally forgotten about that scene. Sooooo needed that!  I announced to hubby when he got home from work that I knew how to get through the course….. BLINDFOLDED! I explained where my epiphany came from and he remembered the scene. It worked so well for the death crawl, it would work for me! He told me I was crazy and that I would not be blindfolded. I tried to tell him what a great test of trust in a marriage it would be and how good it could be for our relationship, but he wasn’t having it. Harrumph! Oh well!

I did feel better though. We are stronger than we think. More capable than we know!

Since I tried to take it easy this past week, I decided to do a 5k this morning. The rest of the week will be quiet from lack of time and wanting to be ready for Saturday. I chose the hilliest route I could. There is such a difference between the hills on a treadmill or elliptical and the real earthen kind. My knee was aching and I ran less than half of it. At one point I was crying. Not from pain but because my husband will be doing this race with me. I will be holding him back. The man’s legs come to my waist. Just walking with me is slow for his strides. Then there are the obstacles. I do not want to fail in front of him. He’s been taking notice lately of my efforts and telling me how proud he is. Honestly, it’s putting more pressure on me for this race. I am nowhere near as in shape as I want to be even though it is tons more than where I was. I really just want to tell him to do his thing and I will find him at the finish line. I am so afraid that he is just going to be embarrassed as I struggle on a wall, cargo net, up a hill and whatever other insanity there is. I don’t want to let him down.

I am such a mess.

When I signed up for the race I thought how great it would be if I could be below 220 for the race. It was a lofty goal for the time frame and I didn’t really think I could hit it. I just thought how nice it would be. I weighed myself three times today. Hubby thought it was because the scale was not my friend. I just couldn’t believe what it said. All three times it was the same 219.8! I am holding onto that achievement and hoping it helps propel me forward past my fears this week.

Maybe I will have some pictures to show next week of my spa day at the mud pits. LOL!

One foot in front of the other ladies (and gents), keep moving forward!