I Feel Sick
…but it is a different sick than when I paid $4.08/gallon for gas this morning. Is it just me or are gas prices getting out of hand?! (Would it make me a bad mother to put my 6 year old on his bike with training wheels and tell him to ride the 5 miles to school? Come on! Big brother will be right there by him on the busy road with hills which crosses a freeway. No big, right?)
But I digress. Labor Day was a family party where we celebrated my cousin’s birthday, I drank way too much diet soda, and ate a few too many carbs. I woke up on Tuesday feeling nauseous. I tried to blame it on the heat and not drinking enough water, but I know better.
Saturday I went to a baby shower where they had such lovely food! I totally lost my ability to pass on the things I should have. I really want to describe the beauty and deliciousness of it, but I fear that would be counterproductive…for all of us. It was stupid, especially when the day before (my regular Friday weigh in) the scale showed almost a pound more than the week before! Gah!!! Of course, I drowned my sorrows in whatever I felt like eating yesterday.
Will I ever learn?!
I woke up in the night with a sour stomach, feeling like my belly was in knots. I think my body is revolting. I think I need to listen! Sugar = BAD! BAD! BAD!
I had time to post on Friday. I thought about it, too. After my weigh in and knowing that I only had 1 workout and 1 sugar free day I felt like I had nothing to say. This morning I am of a different school of thought, I need to record it when I make the wrong decisions and how it makes me feel. This will be my reminder of why I’ve been trying to hard to make these changes! I don’t want to feel like a slug or have to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes.
This feeling in my stomach today makes me hyper aware of my size. I hate being fat. How do I embrace that hatred and extricate the problem? One big answer (Do THIS everyday and you’ll be in better shape in no time!) would be easier, but it’s a dozen little decisions all day every day. When/how can I fit in my workout? Can I get up early enough to make time for me? Which sandwich bread should I use? Should I snack on a cookie or a handful of snap peas?
It never ends!
BUT! The more bad decisions I make the longer I have to live with this fat. I’m tired of the fat.
Each good decision is like faith. I can decide to read my scriptures, say a prayer, go to church, sing my kids a song about the Savior, or a hundred other things relating to increasing my faith or that of my kids without having to see the immediate blessings that come from those good decisions. Sometimes the blessings are obvious and rapid, but mostly I know it is for overall goodness and happiness. Every cookie I turn down, every time I head to the gym when I want to do something else, all the times I make a good, healthy decision can do the same thing for my general well being and weight loss.
In both my attempts at weight loss and in my spiritual life I know I’ve hit a point where I had to make a decision and just didn’t care which one was right. I took the easy, bad choice. I thank my Heavenly Father for repentance! But let me tell you: repentance is hard. Harder than making the right choice in the first place would have been.
This week I am going to work on my faith. I will have faith that the little things I do will each effect and contribute to helping me reach my weight loss and fitness goals.
Wish me luck.