Green is my favorite color and these are my favorite pants

I planned and I lost….weight that is. I lost more than 2 pounds. Now just under 4 pounds to lose before I can reward myself with a pedicure to beautify these horrendous looking toenails.

I put on my favorite pair of pants on today. I bought them on a whim at least 5 years ago. These pants are so comfy! They are flowy. They feel good on freshly shaved legs. They can be dressed up or dressed down. They have an elastic waistband to accomodate my changing size. I love these pants and yet, I cannot wait until they don’t stay up and I have to get rid of them. It’s getting close! I hike them up a little because they’re falling down my body enough now when I put them on that I tend to step on the bottom. The last 3 times I wore these pants I nearly killed myself tripping over the flowing fabric at the bottom of the pant leg.

Honestly, I want them to not fit, but I will miss these pants dearly. Finding clothes you love is rare when you have to search and search and search (and then search some more) through stores for something that fits well and then pray that it looks good.  The only thing that encourages me is the smaller the size I’m in the more variety of clothing there seems to be in stores…and there’s a greater variety of stores I can shop at!

Here’s to another week of planning, hoping to reach my next goal so I can make my toes pretty, and shrinking like Alice in Wonderland!

Wish me luck!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since my weigh-in on Friday, I have been rattling around this week’s blog in my head. Before I tell you how it went, let me recap this week. As I said last week I gave myself a pass for a get away with the hubby. We left early afternoon on Sunday. We ate out and enjoyed ourselves immensely. I didn’t go crazy but I also didn’t say no to the fried macaroni and cheese triangles. Why is cheese so much better when it is fried? We stayed in a 4 star hotel(Thank you Living Social Coupons!) and had breakfast at a place we were told we had to try. On the way home we went to the Ikea store for the first time. That place is evilly designed to not let you escape without spending money and after walking around their maze for 2 hours, despite my best efforts to keep us moving, we did spend money. Next stop was an outdoor outlet mall and another hour of walking before getting home before dark. I go through all that because that was it for exercise this week. Not one workout made it in my schedule. Nothing else! I came home to a flurry of messages and emails from my job and spend the next 2 days in meetings about budgets and taxes. Then have been working at fixing things late into the nights. We ate out 3 more times this week for lack of time. More than we would have in a month! I had no misconceptions about the number the scale would show, but still did my weigh in. Now they use your “base” weight (from the first weigh in) to  determine how much you gain or  lose. From my base weight, I lost. that’s right I said lost, 4.4lbs. Now when you also consider that my weight last week was up 2.4lbs it means that from last Friday to this I lost, LOST, 6.8 pounds! Seriously! Seriously!? As this has been going round and round in my head I went back over things and have found something interestingly frustrating! The weeks that I have lost the most and I am talking about before I was blogging about it as well, have been the times that I did nothing right! When I eat right and keep my calories around 1200,workout faithfully, and sleep better, I lose nothing and often gain. What is that about! It makes no sense what so ever!! Watch me get in my workouts this week, watch what I eat and be sensible and have a gain at the end next Friday. I have no inspiring story this week or helpful tip. This week is ridiculous! Guess I need to vent! I know this is crazy.You are probably thinking she lost, and not just a little. A significant loss. Why is she upset? It’s this conflicting thought process going on in my head. Thoughts of why bother with all the exercise and proper eating. Why don’t I have these losses when I have worked hard all week and deserve to see a reward? How is this suppose to help keep my motivation for going to the gym when my best results come when I avoid it? I can’t make sense of it. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Friday

I was enjoying spending time with my kids and husband so much that I forgot to post yesterday! I did not forget to weigh in though. That wasn’t good news, but I’m not posting it. I’m calling it my bye week. Weighing in the day after Thanksgiving even when I added a workout to my week was a depressing idea.

In other bad news Aim’s husband was playing two hand touch football on Thanksgiving day and wound up in the hospital with a cracked rib and collapsed lung instead of at their dinner table…after waiting for him to come home from Iraq! He’s expected to go home soon, but we would all appreciate prayers, happy thoughts and good wishes on their behalf.

Aim didn’t get to go Black Friday shopping. That doubles the sadness of her weekend! Me? I dabbled in some shopping yesterday, but did not do my normal up at the crack of dawn shopping. Got one Christmas present. I’m learning to love Internet shopping lately. How about you? What was the highlight of your holiday weekend so far?

This week…I have to crack down on my bad habits. I have been getting exercise in and plan to add 2 jog/walk sessions each week in addition. What I have not been doing is paying attention to my calorie input. I DETEST counting calories, and it seems to push through this set point some drastic measures must be taken. My eating schedule has been horrible. I barely get a piece of toast in the morning then I’m hungry at school all day and maybe snack on a bag of chips. Then come home and eat way too much at night and before bed. Not healthy! I’m working on getting a good breakfast, packing my lunch and exercising restraint in the evening time this week. If that doesn’t work (ie – I don’t lose weight this week) then I may have to do the thing I have been dreading in this effort to lose weight and spend some time counting calories. {insert self pitying whimper}

Wish me luck!

Hitting the Wall

It was only a matter of time, really, before it happened. I had been putting so many expectations on myself, I left no room for error. So when I woke up the other day to a blustery morning, I didn’t realize that my mood was just as much on edge. I had been busting my booty for weeks on end, exercising, eating good…and then came the ugly. The funny thing is looking back at it from a new days perspective..my ugly wasn’t really so bad. In the past if I had a day where I wanted to lounge in PJ’s and not work-out..it wasn’t even a big deal. Usually it was celebrated with a bowl of ice cream or by baking some calorie-filled carb-o-licious treat.

It all went south in the early evening. It was getting late and I hadn’t grocery shopped yet (after all it was payday-eve). The kiddos were hunger stricken, so we jumped into the car and found ourselves in the drive-thru of one of three places to eat in our tiny town. I ordered for them, caved, and ordered a chicken sandwich for myself. Plain, because you know those mayo calories are soooo much worse than the bread and patty inside the wrapper. LoL. We were on our way, and I took my 99cent heart attack and ate with my family. Hours later, little ones in bed, hours of on-line Army Wife training accomplished…I realized I was hungry. My sweet daughter had made muffins for the morning so we could get out of the house on-time. Not just any muffins, the taste-temping, amazing smelling blueberry variety. I indulged in one. (only after I had eaten a bowl of almond crunch cereal.) At this point, I felt like the world BIGGEST PIG. Sad, but true. My wall was hitting me in the face, and I didn’t care (yet).  I went to bed feeling like a weight loss loser.

Fast forward to this morning, as the Mommy-schedule-Gods would have it, I was booked and would not be able to work out (again). I dreaded even looking at the direction of my scale. It taunted me with its smug little shiny screen, “stand on me…c’mon, you know you wanna find out!” And I did. I wanted to discover how much damage I had done. Of course, I was NEVER going to get on that thing FULLY CLOTHED, are you kidding me. I waited until it was my turn to shower..and gave into the scale-temptation. Not once, nope, not twice..how could that number actually be right…but THREE times. Can we say “obsessing” oh yes, we can. 264.3. Ummm….SERIOUSLY. I was relieved, sort of. I now had an extra 2 lbs to get rid of (yes, I was staring the 250’s in the face my friends), but I wasn’t going to have to visit jaba the tentmaker for my old clothes anytime soon.

I realized the moral of this tale was not about the scale…but all about me. I obsess. I over analyze. I stress. I want to see the number drop so badly, that I make myself neurotic. I realized after my “episode” that I needed to just step-away from the scale and focus on me. My best cure…oh yeah, SHOPPING!! LoL. My oldest got braces on, and we had some time before picking up the little kids..so the mall beckoned us. She had her eye on a dress for homecoming, and I had the checkbook. We were a package deal. As she lamented over which of the 7 dresses to try on and in what color..I made my way over to a long-lost friend. The denim section. I LOVE jeans. I just don’t love the way I have looked in them for the past two years. A very cute pair were calling my name, and the sales lady handed me a size I hadn’t seen in a LONG time, saying I may just be surprised. I took a size or two bigger as well and headed to the dressing room. I thought I might as well hit the disappointment first, so I tried on the smallest size first. One leg, two legs…a couple well executed jumps and OH MY HECK…I WAS IN THEM!!! They were tight, they weren’t cutting off my circulation, and I could pull them away from my thigh, so no vacuum sealing. I did a turn and oh my gosh..I had a butt. Not a caboose trailing me..a BUTT. I almost cried. All the torture of the last day or so, and I was in a dressing room in jeans MULTIPLE SIZES smaller than when my husband left. I decided to press my luck even further and tried on the clearance cardigan (in a size smaller than the jeans), and a top to go with…NOT FROM THE plus size section. I will not lie..it all came home with me. I felt good, no..I felt SEXY. I was, for one day (gasp) happy with my body, and I was not going to reward myself with this outfit (thank heavens for military discounts and great sales).

My friends, it is truly all about perspective. Mine sucks, on a general rule. I am constantly putting myself down and allowing the proverbial “walls” in life to smack me head on. This time around, I am playing it different. This blog, for one thing has given me my voice back. Allowing me to share how I am feeling, and the guts to let you all read it. I am also, a work in progress. I have my great days..and my blustery days, even some moments in between. Through it all, I work, and I try. That’s all I can do.. and gosh darn it, I am getting pretty good at it. The outfit hanging in my closet says so, so there! As my awesome pal, Walt Disney said, “Keep Moving Forward!”