Stress & Surprises

Okay, so TECHNICALLY today is Thursday. I am actually banking on the fact that my West Coast contributors to this blog are all still fast asleep in their beds, that I can sneak this in virtually unnoticed. LOL. Okay, let’s start off with a quick Q&A.

1. Where have you been the last few weeks?

      Alive. Not wanting to face the firing squads, I went into hiding a bit. Actually, the stress of end of school, a bit of FRG craziness, and sick kiddos filled my plate.

2. Have you been keeping up with your goals?

      Yes, actually I have. Maybe not as well as I would have hoped (or had anticipated). However, I have lost more weight..dropped another dress size, and am getting really jazzed about the incredibly shrinking me.

3. What results have you seen?

   I went to see my bariatric surgeon last week. My overall weightloss percentage (meaning total that I have lost of my excess weight.. looking at the # he wants me/ the charts say I am suppose to be at)  is 47% lost. Which is amazing considering I don’t reach my 1 year post-surgery mark until end of July. He is very no-nonsense and wants me over the 50% mark by then. I am sooo gonna meet that goal..and SURPASS it!!

4. Break it down.. can you show me the Numbers?

Yes. Here we go, nuts & bolts details of where I am at. LOL. Actually, I will preface it to say that I hit an amazing milestone that I a pretty happy about. I. Bought. A. Bathing Suit. AND I LIKE IT!!! It still is weird shopping in the “skinny section” of the stores. You know what I mean. The area that doesn’t have a “W” behind any of the sizes!! My new found awesome swim attire is a red little number in a size…wait for it, 14!! woohoo. It is awesome to be able to put it on and actually see a glimpse of a figure that won’t scare little children at the pool. LOL. You asked for a number. Heehee. Okay, here’s another. Another part of me has shrunk… MY FEET!! I used to wear a size 11W. Well, I was looking for shoes for my Virginia escape this weekend, and I kept laughing. All of the size 11W’s were sliding off of me, and making me look like I had clown shoes on. Heehee. So..long story short, I am totally digging the size 10M sparkly, strappy pair of shoes that found their way to my home.

 

That is my story, and I am sticking to it. Heehee. I am working out for 40 minutes a day at LEAST 4 times a week. I am seeing changes. I am experiencing results. I am trying my best to stay in this good mojo frame of mind!! Later my weightloss peeps.. have a great weekend. I am sooo going to. My skinnier self is boarding a plane. Virginia bound for a wedding (and meeting a very sweet little princess for the very 1st time.) I LOVE icing on cakes of awesomeness!). 

Where oh where did I go?

 So last week was insane. We had several amazing events for our Church that kept me running. It was all worth it , and I enjoyed spending time with my family as we all shared the experiences. The spiritual rejuvenation also gave me a renewed goal to better myself. For me, for my family, as an example so my kids don’t head down my path.

  I started this week with that goal in mind, and decided to change a few things up. I take my daughter to an early morning class that gets me back home at 615am. That gives me a full hour before the 3 other monkeys need to be awake for the day. Usually I let my laziness get the better of me and I dive for my pillow. Not this week. I have grabbed my running shoes and popped in a workout DVD. The soreness in my re-awakened muscles have just reaffirmed the fact that I am doing something right. So, I have continued the pattern each morning this week. Amazingly, I haven’t died…I haven’t eaten my arms off either. LOL. I …*GASP* FEEL.GOOD. I know, weird isn’t it. I also decided I wouldn’t look at the scale until next Monday. That way I can see (hopefully) a big change, rather than the 1/2 a pound. Best thing that happened…the capris I got that were too tight, THEY FIT!!! Woohoo. They are definately not the size I want to stay in (resale shops are excellent for that very issue), but they are a step towards where I want to be. At this point, I have 65lbs to go before I reach awesome, 30+ before I get to see a “1” as the initial number in my weight, and less than 10lbs before I reach my 100 pound loss. Yowza. Breaking it down like that seems more acheivable.

       Tomorrow my son turns 8. That is the number I am working on losing before his baptism on the 20th of this month. Crossing my fingers and keeping my chin up that I will be able to continue on my path. It only leads to a better me…and that is TOTALLY worth this journey!!

yep…

I love the show “Storage Wars”, not sure why, its a guilty pleasure I guess. There is a guy on there, super annoying, but smart at the same time. When he bids he has this long drawn out, “Yeeeep” It cracks me up. It also is kinda how I am feeling lately, Just a “Yeeeep.” on life. Long. Drawn-out. Nothing fancy or over-rated. I am just here. Life has not been sunshine and daisies for me lately, so I am not going to pretend that it is here either.

 It’s tough. I am struggling. I don’t know what I expect when I eat ok, exercise rarely, and then just saunter my way through the mix of everything else. It’s actually obnoxious, but getting on the scale is like an annoying..”Yeeep” in my head. Nothing has moved very far either way. My husband reacted with a , “You’re maintaining, that’s good.” Ummm…is it? I don’t think so. I am stagnant and bored and need to change it all up. I want to change it up. I think I can change it up. So, yesterday was GORGEOUS here in dorothy-ville. Allan had a dental appointment that I would need to drive him to and from because the meds would be a bit much for driving. So, I got this wild streak and thought ..hey, I’m gonna (wait for it) WALK today. Careful, the jaw dropping that far can be harmful. I KNOW, it is an epiphany, but I actually got out and walked the 2.5 mile path around the Custer Hill Golf course on post. There is a butt-kicking hill midway through that I basically told myself was punishment for being lazy. Not to let the fat-girl mentality push back…I decided one lap around wasn’t enough…let’s do TWO!!! You know what, I survived. I may not feel bright and cheery this morning, and my legs are a bit achy…but I did the flippin’ thing. TWICE even. How ’bout them apples.

So I have decided when the fat girl mental game starts coming into play, I need to check myself and have a way to push back. If I am ever going to get to my goal weight..it is what HAS TO happen. No more games and silliness, or even more so..excuses. So, in a nut shell. I am no longer going to “maintain”. I want to push back and make the fat girl disappear…along with all the mental games and baggage she brings along with her. Wish me luck..I amy really need it. LOL.

 

Measuring Up

Today I decided not to look at the number on my scale. Not because it was going to be bad, I had no idea..I thought I had a decent (not outstanding, but decent) week. Instead, I pulled out my notebook that my surgeon had given me when I started my journey, and recorded my measurements. It was impressive to see where I had made improvements since the last time I measured, back in February. What really got me was looking at the numbers, both weight and measurements from when I began. Then I decided to push my luck even more, and I tried on the fitted shirt in the cute little size that is my motivation for the summertime trip. It fit, not necessarily as flattering as I want, but it doesn’t look like I am trying to squeeze into one of my teenage daughters shirts any longer. LOL.

Different things can either defeat or motivate me. I decided it is also the way I look at them that determines my attitude as well. My close battle buddy that I have known since our husbands went to Basic Combat Training together, sent her husband off on a 9-month deployment to Afghanistan last weekend. It broke her heart to watch her little people emotionally distraught over their Daddy having to leave them. My heart broke right along with her. As I was looking at her page and his, I stumbled upon an event he did. I thought it was amazing then, and reaffirmed those feelings seeing it again. Little did I know that I would come full-circle and that event be my moment of clarity…until today. Today, I stumbled upon a link from another friend..http://www.epicmudrun.com/ and I investigated. I realized, this is what Greg had done, but this time I wasn’t terrified at the thought. It actually motivated me. I WANT to do this. I NEED to do this. For Greg, because I think he is an amazing hero..and this is my way of saying “Thanks”. For me, because I want to prove to myself that I have come full circle. That running 3 miles through obstacles and mud flinging in my face is the perfect way to surmise the last year of my journey. September 1, the day of the run…falls 4-days after my 1 year anniversary. So, after I chat it over with my hubby (and convince him AND my teenager that doing it with my would be AWESOME)..I want to commit. I want to have a new goal.I want to make sure I am measuring up to the person I want to be!!!

So, on that note..here are my lucky numbers. I am doing a then & now, a little reality check to let myself know that I AM doing good things for my body and me.

July 27, 2011 DAY OF SURGERY:                                                  April 4, 2012

Neck: 14.5 ”                                                                            Neck: 12.25″

Chest: 52.25″                                                                          Chest: 41.5″

Hips: 59″                                                                                  Hips: 47″

Waist: 52″                                                                                Waist: 36.5″

Arm: 10.5″                                                                                Arm: 9.5″

Calf: 19.5″                                                                                Calf: 13.25″

Ankle: 9.25″                                                                              Ankle: 7.75″

BMI: 46.5                                                                                  BMI: 34

I’m baaaaaack!!

   Yes, I have been on a hiatus the last few weeks, and for that I apologize. We had an incident happen, we have very appropriately named, “The Flood of 2012″. Let’s just say my entire downstairs is gutted at the moment, and we have been a bit preoccupied. LOL. Combine that with a not so friendly flu bug that decided to make itself at home and we were in a world of yuck. We are mucking through it, and recovering.

” It” happened to be the day I went to my bariatric surgeon to face the music of my less than stellar performance the last month. I was NOT given a pat on the back for surviving, but a lecture and 6 week appointment to make sure I hadn’t “fallen off the wagon” Why? I GAINED 4 stinking pounds since I had seen him last. UGH. I had dropped to my pit of despair eyeore mode, only to walk in the door to two inches of water covering everything. Yay me.

Weighing in that day was an eye opener for me, and the flood made me aware of my less than active lifestyle. BOTH of which needed to change. Monday, yes two days ago, I took the steps I needed to push me back into where I belonged. I found my walking feet again. There is a trail outside of post that is beautiful. Because of the rain last week, it had been too muddy to attempt..until now. I grabbed my trusty jogging stroller and walking buddy Cwynn and headed out. The goal: 2 miles. What surprised me…I actually ended up doing 4.25 miles…and it felt GREAT!!! I mean, absolutely-this -is-what-I-had-been-missing phenomenal!!! Needless to say, I replayed the event yesterday…only this time I RAN the first 3/4 of a mile. Me + running have never really been a compatible duo. I have always been WAY to endowed up top, and it was uncomfortable. I still have my girls…just a smaller version now. LOL. Apparently that is all that was needed. I didn’t go the entire 4 miles. However I did go 2.5 and it again was great!!

 Now, on to the amazing part. I weighed this morning. Not expecting much, but hoping for the best.Ask and ye shall receive. My NEW WEIGHT: 236.2. Yes siree..I not only lost the new weight gain, I also said goodbye to the hovering number that had been haunting me for so long. Hooray!! Totally excited, motivated and ready for some more booty kicking!!

  At first, I let myself get swallowed up in the lecture, weight gain and flood..it literally opened up a lot more flood gates than I realized. I allowed it to envelop me, it marinated awhile and I let it stay. Now..eyes are open, mind and body are aware of what needs to be done. The goal is to go after it..and keep going after it until I have reached it. Where has this girl been the last few months?? I have missed her, and would really like the new me to stick around for a long time to come. More walking? YES PLEASE!!!!

I got nuthin’

It is a running joke in my house. My son was telling us about his day and he replied, “I got nuthin'”. So, sad as it seems my weightloss blogging compadres…”I got nuthin!” I have had a crazy sick-child infested week, and I am totally burnt out. We are all entitled to “those days” and I am calling mine in.

I will be back next week..same time, same place..with a better attitude and outlook. For now, I will go with one of my favorite quotes from a  Disney movie…

                                                            “Giving up is for rookies!!”

                                                                         ~Hercules

M.I.A

I am as shocked as you are to see myself typing. I seriously cannot put my head around the fact that days are flying by me and I have no idea where they are going. “Busy” is a term used for the occasional full-schedule that throws you off your game. “Insane” is the term I like to use to describe my life lately. I finally called a “pause” this week and hit the brakes on my running around like a crazy woman..to an extent, because let’s face it..do Mom’s ever truly slow down??

 To be completely honest, my goals have been “less than achieved” these days. I haven’t been working out, my eating has been on again off again, and the scale HATES ME. In a nutshell I feel like I have gone completely MIA on everything I am trying to work on, and I am ready for an “easy” button. Since I live in reality and not the staples store, I really need to put my big girl panties on and step up!! Which is what my intentions are, now..today..as we speak.

  Do you dread meals? I do. I dread having to think in-depth about every little carb, calorie and protein I am ingesting. So, I haven’t been, well for the most part. Lately I have taken the ..”.I am too tired t fix a complex meal, I’ll just do this” route entirely too often. “This” consists of old stand by’s that are easy to fix, sometimes easy to eat (I do have lapband after all), and entirely the wrong direction to make my scale become my friend again. Time to climb up out of the dust of this wagon that I fell from. Ready..let’s go!

 This morning I am having a protein shake for breakfast..not late morning like I usually do because I am not hungry yet. I am going to attempt to stay one step ahead of the hunger. I may go the same direction for lunch, or go crazy and have the tuna I have seen staring me down in my cupboard as I (insert head drop of shame here) made COOKIES yesterday!!  I know..I know..what is this world coming to!!

Exercise. Hmmm..now that one is a bit trickier. Bob has been on his own for a while, no speaking, no face time. If I am going to stay in again today and keep with my “seclusion and no running around” promise, then I think we may get re-aquainted. I have also realized. I can do a push up. I can. No seriously. They aren’t pretty, and the Army PT people would eat me alive..but they are push ups none the less. And, my goal for the day is 20 of those little puppies before my protein shake, along with these nasty little things called sit ups (40 is my goal there). starting slow, and easing my way back. That’s my story and I am sticking to it!!!

Choice and Accountability

   In my church, we have a Young Womens program for girls ages 12-18. They have a theme and in it are the words “Choice and Accountability”. I have been thinking a lot about my own choices lately, and how I have sidestepped being accountable for them. This week has been a mix of crazy and amazing, and as I reflected on the crazy…along with the amazing, I started thinking about my choices..and who I am ultimately accountable to.

     Tuesday night I was literally speechless as I was presented an award (that I had no idea was coming) for “Commanders Award for Civil Service”. It is a pretty big honor(especially for a civilian) and was accompanied by a medal and ribbon. I was nominated for my volunteer work as FRG (Family Readiness Group) leader for my husband’s Company. basically, I try my best to take care of the families. As the Battalion was deployed this past year, it was a big task..and I tried my best. I realized that recognition is awesome, as long as it is deserved. While I don’t know that I deserve what I received, I do know that I am looking a lot closer at my actions and choices..and trying to be accountable for them.

This led me to an awesome conversation with my baby sister. We are planning a trip this Summer, and that was our initial reasoning for chatting. Then came the accountability check when she asked, “How’s your eating going?” For someone with lapband, that is the million dollar question. For me, that is the equivalent of the walk of shame lately. I have not been doing well. I have snacked. I have given into the carbolicious wonders that graced my table at Superbowl Sunday. I have completely lost my mind, self-esteem has gone down the tubes, and the scale started movement in the wrong direction. All of this has led me to a bit of a spiral, and I needed that call from my sis-wu to make me accountable for what I had been doing. The greatest part, was I wasnt alone. She was struggling too, and we immediately came up with goals and a game plan. We are, starting Monday, having daily accountability checks with each other. I am excited about it. I realized that I cannot do this alone, and she and I have so much in common, that we will be able to understand (and be harsh), because we know how far we can push. We also decided on a goal. We WILL be well under the 200lb mark when we see each other this Summer. It is achievable. I have not struggled, cried, sweated, starved, and endured unspeakable pain for NOTHING. I want this too badly. I want to be healthier. I want to be HOT gosh darn it. LOL. The only person holding me back is me…how unfair is that? No more. No thank you. It’s fatgirl kicking time!!!!!

 

24 hours

   I just said “Goodbye” to my hubby for the next 24 hours. He gets the “privilege”, LoL of staff duty, and I get to play Super Mom. My cape had been collecting dust on a shelf since he got back from deployment, I almost forgot what it felt like to have it on my shoulders once more. It had an eerie comparison to how I feel about my weight-loss. I was not “skinny” when I met my husband. I was not obese either. I had a bit more junk in my trunk than I would’ve liked, but overall I was pretty healthy. Looking back at those years, I realized how active I was too. I would literally walk everywhere. I loved it. I have never been a go-to-the-gym type of girl. I don’t have the discipline, nor the guts to flaunt my flab in front of others. LoL. Walking was my escape. I was able to clear my head and pounce on the pounds with every step.

  I did the same thing over the past year while Allan was deployed. My trusty jogging stroller and I became inseparable as Cwynn became my walking partner. I recaptured my love of walking..pushing my distances further and further until I was reaching 5 miles a day. I realized this morning as I dusted off my Super Mom cape, that my running shoes were also looking a bit forlorn and dusty. Had I really ignored them for that long? Yep. I had. Kansas weather has been fickle lately, and at the moment we are blessed with temps nearing 60 degrees. Before the forecast changes, I am lacing up my shoes and loading my jogging stroller (and walking partner) into the van. There is an awesome walking trail outside of post I have been dying to try, and I think today looks like a great day.I was researching how far it is, huh..5 miles….BRING IT!!!!!

     Dusty capes and running shoes make me realize how just a small amount of time can change my weight-loss attitude. The weight hasn’t been falling off lately as it did in the beginning. It wasn’t that I lost sight of my goals, but I lost me. I was so wrapped up in moving, kids, school changes, and husband stuff that I forgot to step back and reasess where I was headed.The scale has held steady this past week..thank heavens, so I need to make it move. In the RIGHT direction. My goal is to lose these last few pounds to get to my 100lb total weight-loss before I see my bariatric surgeon in a few weeks. It’s not many, and totally achieveable..if I keep the dust bunnies away. So it took a 24 hour duty for my husband, for me to rediscover my path. Now I just need to start walking it!!!!

  Have an awesome week..brush off some dust bunnies and keep moving forward, we are in this together.

7…

 7 has always been my favorite number. As a kid it was my go to number anytime I was choosing between 1 and10. This week, it has become a number that holds a very signifigant meaning. I hit my 6 month post surgery this week, and I am closing in on a milestone. SEVEN pounds from now I will have lost 100 lbs. That seems so surreal to me. I am approaching a weight that I haven’t seen in a very long time, and I am letting myself be excited.

  In April of last year, I got on a scale and looked at 329lbs, and a very unhappy person. This week, stepping onto my scale (okay, I stepped on and off three different times..just to be sure), the scale read 236lbs. How amazing is that!!! My goal was to be to this point by April, now I am finding that I can look beyond that…and start, gulp..dreaming of life under the 2’s. 16 years. Thats how long it has been since I have seen a 1 as the first number in my weight, and I can’t express how excited I am that it is creaping nearer and nearer. I have long term goals, and short term reality checks. This weeks reality check will be to get my body moving. No more making excuses that going up and down the stairs to deliver laundry and put away boxes is exercise. LOL. I have made protein shakes my friend again, and now Bob and I must get reaquainted. That is my reality check…and I am sticking to it!!

       My husband and I have been looking at our vacation plans for this Summer. We have a wedding in Virginia and his 20 year High School reunion in San Diego. Both are seeing people we haven’t been around in quite a while, and I would REALLY like to blow them away. My long term GOAL… looking FORWARD to bathing suit season. This time around…I may actually stand in front of the camera =)