not what good looks like

What is the best thing you remember about being a teenager? Go ahead and think about it for a minute. I really would love to know. (you can comment below)

If I’d asked 15 year old you that same question would you have given the same answer?

It’s been 25 years since I was 15. I won’t make you do the math. I’m 40. (What? I weigh myself each week and take a picture to share with you. You think I’m embarrassed about how old I am? Psh.) I’m so far from 15 that my oldest will be that age before 2012 is over…even if the Mayans knew what they were talking about.

Perhaps, I have a little perspective. If you are closer to that age maybe your answer would be different. Here is my answer to the first question in a picture…

Dang! She’s cute even without a tan…and in that lovely bathing suit. My elbows haven’t changed. Now they’re just flanked by flab. I still love the beach as much as she did. I still like my hair long. She and I have much in common, but there is one point on which I would vehemently disagree with her. This is what she wrote on the back of this photo in 1987…

It breaks my heart that skinny, teenage me did not recognize my own beauty.

In my theory on “how I let myself get so fat” one of my main points would be that I never thought I was fit or thin or healthy. Something embedded in my brain at a young age that I was always too big. I’d like to shake that girl, share my perspective and tell her to take care of herself!

Gah! This is depressing. It’s a good reminder that even constructive criticism can make a teenage girl feel defeated. Encouragement! Encouragement is what teenagers need in every aspect of their life. I need to be better at that with my beautiful daughter. She is ten times prettier than I ever was and more athletic and funnier and more comfortable in her own skin. I hope I contributed to that.

What does this have to do with me and my week? Good question. I’ve been getting a lot of, “Hey! You look good!” comments lately. While I appreciate the sentiment I don’t really believe them. I know I look better and I’m making progress, but “good” not so much. A few friends have said they can see the inches coming off. Me, too. Those compliments are easier to believe. But does my disbelief in the others show that I have the same problem that my 15 year old self did? Do I just need perspective?

Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that question. I am far away from reaching my goal, but I am making progress. I really appreciate the compliments and the encouragement. REALLY APPRECIATE! That’s one of the things that keeps me motivated when I have weeks like this one. My week? Oh, well I think I’ve discovered that 2 intense workouts and half heartedly watching what I eat will put me at maintaining my weight, because I’m at EXACTLY the same weight as last week (so why post a photo). Guess I forgot I was supposed to try harder this week.

I start classes on Monday. I’ll be taking 13 credit hours this semester. Things are about to get hectic. I need to plan. I hate planning (read that like the whiney 15 year old me is saying it), but I recognize that in order for my life and for my family to function I need to overcome my hatred.

Wish me luck!


Posted on February 3, 2012, in AB and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. chip away at your goal.. you will reach it


  2. Colleen had her moment today when I informed her that she was a size 8 when she got married.

  3. perspective… it’s so important. thanks for sharing a beautiful part of yourself. today and at 15. i needed the reminder tonight. ❤

  4. Make a plan and stick to it. You can do this thing. And I meant it when I said you were looking good! I know you’ve got work for great but good is a great start! Of course, I always thought you looked good. I love you!

  5. I love love love that you are willing to share your journey so openly and honestly. Thank you. You inspire me. And those inches are coming off! Even when you maintain your weight, I bet, because your body is working hard for you these days. Love you friend. 🙂

  6. It’s so funny reading that at 15 you felt fat and ugly and then looking at that beautiful picture of you (pssh..) but I totally understand it because when I was 15 I always felt way too skinny(olive oil skinny) and not pretty at all. I guess insecurities are part of being a teenager.
    You know, sometime when we start working out we also gain weight. Remember that muscle weights more than fat. I’ve been running so much lately and in the last month I gained 6 pounds, so don’t give up! keep up the good work… love ya!

  7. Thanks for sharing your picture and perspective. It is shocking what you wrote on the back, but I guess that is the sad reality of many teenagers. It’s great the goals you’re setting and the progress you’re making!

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