As you wish…
Do you remember the movie “The Princess Bride”? I love the line that her beloved Wesley says time after time, “As you wish..” For a long time I felt like that was what I was telling myself. “I just moved away from my friends, and I need that piece of cake ..as you wish.”“My husband is leaving for boot camp/OCS/the field, and I deserve to go out to dinner…as you wish” My brain was just letting me misbehave. I played all the games, social eating, comfort foods, celebratory meals all excuses for enticing myself with things that weren’t exactly diet praiseworthy. As time wore on, I started dreading shopping for clothes, and I poked fun at my own expense to cover my discomfort.
I put an end to all of that with a shock to my system. I stepped on a scale two weeks after my husband left for Iraq, and I saw the most disturbing number glaring up at me. Gulp… (insert me stepping out of comfort zone here),328 lbs. Wow. I couldn’t believe it. With all my pregnancies I hadn’t reached that number, and now my baby was turning two in just a few short months. Privately, I started investigating a procedure. I looked at the risks involved, and made the phone call that has changed my life. I decided to have lapband surgery. When asked why I would put myself at risk, my answer was one that dawned on me the day I looked at that scale…”I am already putting myself at risk by being so overweight”. The hardest part of my decision process was knowing that I was doing it while my husband was thousands of miles away. He had nothing but words of encouragement. Below is what he wrote on my Facebook page when I told my cyber friends the news (the day before surgery):
- My wife has always been beautiful to me. She has a beautiful mind, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful personality, a beautiful testimony, a beautiful way of being a mom, a beautiful set of brown eyes, a beautiful way of seeing life and all its riches, a beautiful touch to everything creative, a beautiful heart full of love, a beautiful way of looking at life, a beautiful strength, a beautiful passion for life, a beautiful desire to serve others before herself, and a beautiful way of expressing her feelings.
There is one more thing that she has that is beautiful, and that is her outward beauty that all people see everyday. This outward beauty radiates from her soul and transcends through her, shining for all to see. And the vessel that carries her soul is just as beautiful as her soul. This time away has reminded me of the beauty that I took for granted while she was beside me. Maybe I didn’t often enough step back and visually and verbally acknowledge the beauty by my side.
Amy, you are beautiful and have always been beautiful. You don’t need to have the surgery to change the way I see you. However, I do look forward to your renewed spirit and energy that you will have as your body transforms into an even more celestial form. You will be able to do so much more which you have always wanted to do. I can’t wait to be back in your arms and look forward to looking at you as you would always want and deserve for me to look at you. Baby, I am proud of you and love you elevendy billion times infinity.
Yep. I am a lucky girl indeed. It was all the motivation I needed, and as of today I am 6 weeks post surgery. It has not been easy. For those of you who think it is “cheating” at losing weight, you have never been in my shoes, so please refrain from judging me. This was the best decision FOR ME. As my doctor told me in post op. “The surgery was the easy part..now it’s up to you”. My answer.. “As You Wish”. Because my sweetheart is so far away, I decided to refrain from posting pics of my weight-loss. I have good days, and I have want-to-eat-my-arm-off days.(who doesn’t?) LOL. I have a way to go, but it is going. Everytime I look at a snack or treat, I try to think of my husbands eyes popping out of his head when he sees me for the first time in 9 months. I want to look the way he see’s me. I want to see myself the way I have always dreamed of. Oh, and by the way… in case you were wondering, as of last week the scale gave me a new number. 265. ” Keep on with my routine..As you wish…”