I have been
disgusted frustrated with my feelings about this blog. I know this is a place of support and encouragement, but I have been embarrassed at how horrible I’ve been lately, so I fell into a familiar “ignore it and it will go away” mode that is a complete lie. I’m tired of lying to myself and I didn’t see any good in coming here to spew ugliness. But you’ve asked for it…I really hate the way I look right now. I only see the outside and that isn’t looking so good. I know I need to look past that/through that. Whatever! It’s where I am. I really hate the lumps and bumps that weren’t there 6 months ago. Gaining, losing, gaining, losing, gaining. The weight comes back in ugly places. Ugh!
My sweet cousin started a challenge for her dance group. I crashed it. It started last week and I blew it off…completely! What a way to start a challenge. I tried and failed again?! No! I celebrated my birthday! Serious celebrations! and then I picked up my booty and got busy this week. I’m drinking a tub full of water a day and I have only had 2 DC’s/day. That’s huge for me! I have exercised 2 days in a row for at least 30 minutes. I have a pedometer and I’m even counting my steps – more than 10,000 today. I have a vision board full of motivational things that I’ve posted all over and I’m speaking them out loud to myself every morning, telling myself what I want to become in the present tense as if I’m already there. I am keeping a food diary (love myfitnesspal) and would love an accountability friend on it. I have learned that it doesn’t show weight #’s, only weight lost. It doesn’t show the food I ate, only if I posted for the day, so I’m not going to see any of yours either. What do you say?
Maybe a few months late, but I’m back in the game…Are you ready to brush off all the negatives with me? I’ve got a deep well full of them, but one by one I’m conquering them, and finding me again. If you can’t find me, check the nearest bathroom. I live there now!