Stress and the fat woman

I weighed in.

It wasn’t bad.

It wasn’t great.

It was…

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.2 pounds down.

As I weighed in – and for completely unrelated to my weight reasons – I could feel the stress binding up my body. It’s been a tough week. My dad…is stubborn and sick which is a horrible combination. Some weeks are worse than others especially when the rest of my life isn’t perfect and smooth…which it never is.

*sigh*

Stress is not conducive to weight loss.

Exercise does help with the stress. I’ve don’t that lots this week. My body is sore. I’ve done a little stress eating but as soon as I realized what I was doing I stopped.

Another weapon against the stress I’m using: in bed by 10 and up before 6. Some nights that is easier than others but it feels good…and makes it easier to get to the early spin class.

Praying for a week that has more weight loss than stress. Wish me luck!

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Satisfaction

 

 

I was nervous about weighing in this morning (perhaps you saw my tweet last night?). I started wondering if my last weigh in was a fluke or a mistake. It came when I needed it most, and it spurned me on to work hard and eat well. If I weighed in this morning and I had gained, I wasn’t going to be surprised or discouraged. I was just going to keep trying. 

…and THAT, my friends, is  p r o g r e s s.

After weighing in at very near a pound and a half less (than last week) this morning

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I realized that this has been a gift from Heavenly Father when I needed something encouraging. I am glad that I did something useful with His gift and made more progress. It feels good. 

Really good.

So if you see me this week with my face in my smartphone, I’m probably not checking Facebook or playing Bejeweled. I’m probably updating my SparkPeople app with how much water I’ve had to drink or what I just ate or adding my workout. I thoroughly enjoy looking at the report at the end of the day that shows my calorie differential (how many I’ve burned vs. how many I’ve eaten). It is more satisfying than Ben & Jerry’s at the end of a crappy day. 

Blasphemy? Maybe, but I leave you with this, my new favorite quote, which may help you to understand:

 

Working to make this my mantra when I am tempted. WISH ME LUCK!

Thief

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I stole this from a blog I discovered today because I thought it very fitting….and because I need this reminder all the time!

Happy hump day, friends!

I see it now

 

Came across this pic from 2009. It’s a rare moment where I am not the one doing all the picture taking (if I remember correctly I put the camera in my husband’s hand and said something about someday we will wish I was in a few pictures). When it came on the screen this week I understood what people have been saying about me “looking good”. I usually chalk their words up to kindness and encouragement. Looking at 2009 AB besides being a little grossed out, I see the difference between then and now.
ABs pizzaThis revelation paired with my weigh in this week and I realized I’ve shed 25 pounds since this picture was taken! TWENTY-FIVE!

I CAN do this. Another 25 and I will be smaller than my kids have ever seen me in real life. I can do that by Christmas.

There it is. I’ll say aloud my next weight goal (I don’t know why that is harder than sharing my weight): lose 23 pounds by the end of December. I want to look back on pictures from this summer and be relieved by the new and improved AB.

Look for more regular blog posts! I’ll try not to be boring.

Wish me luck!

 

Is it selfish?

The past six weeks have not been the relaxing summer days I had hoped for …and that is putting it mildly. Where I’d hoped to spend time with my kids I was spending it taking care of my dad who was sick (and super cranky about it). When I did have opportunity to play, usually the kids had other plans or weren’t interested. Most days that I planned on going to the gym were up ended by some stressful event which required my attention. The money I had hoped to save by not driving kids to & from school (and Scouts and other activities) was gobbled up in unexpected auto repairs. I could go on but I don’t want to drive you away with all the negativity.

I used to think that when I went to the gym I was being selfish. Maybe it is sometimes because I can escape the chaos and stress for an hour or so. But! This summer I craved the stress relief. When I did manage to go it was usually yoga and I ALWAYS feel more relaxed after yoga.

I’m grateful for the change of mindset.

When I look at my time spent exercising as helpful (increasing my energy, reducing my stress level) instead of selfish (alone time) it makes it easier to go even when other things are pulling me away.

A few friends kept telling me over the last six weeks that I looked like I had lost more weight. I balked at them. Psh. I hadn’t been eating what I should. Workouts were few and far between. When I looked in the mirror what I saw grossed me out. No way was I weighing in when I felt huge.

On the other hand I did feel good. Even with all the stress I wasn’t as tired as before. I absolutely positively attributed that to the supplements I’ve been taking: the Long Life Vitality pack from dōTERRA. I was resistant to them because it’s TWELVE pills (three kinds, four of each), but I heard great things and wanted to give them a fair try. I am convinced they helped me get through one of the toughest months of my life without spending hours curled up in a ball of weepy mess.

Things are calming down some. My dad is doing better and is back home on his own. All three of my kids are back in school. The other stressors have started to work themselves out, too. Yesterday after dropping my youngest off at his first day of third grade I went to a spin class. It felt good. Well, it was harder than I remember and at one point I was afraid I was pushing myself so hard that I was going to fall off my bike, but it was good.

I came home feeling empowered and like I finally had the confidence to step on the scale again.

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I couldn’t believe what I saw. This weight is four pounds down from my last weigh in (July 11th) AND it is the lowest I’ve been since starting this blog.

That feels good to say.

I finally broke through that stinking plateau! Maybe it was the stress. Maybe it was the supplements. It can’t possibly have been how I was eating. This weigh in was the boost I needed. I dusted off my Spark People app and recommitted to skipping the sweets. I am hopeful for the next week!

Wish me luck!

Who is this?

Kris? Who in tar-nations is Kris?

Yeah, ok it’s been awhile. Alright, a long while.

So what have I been up to?

Whelping 10 puppies.              Planning a community outreach event for our church. Over 500 people came.

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Having another sleep study, changing meds, fighting with insurance, being frustrated!

Graduating my oldest from high school.

Dealing with a family member dying and hubby going to TN to help take care of him.

Hubby going to the night shift and becoming like a single parent again.

Living life.

And getting FAT!

It’s like I never lost weight. It’s all back and I hate it!

Going into this month, my boss (pastor) came to me asking if I would be interested in a gym membership. There was an opportunity to get a corporate rate at his gym. They needed 5 and after he and his wife, the worship pastor and his wife, they needed one more. I’m not sure what reaction he was expecting, I think he just asked me out of courtesy, but the look of surprise was unmistakable as I blurted out “YES!” without any hesitation at all.

It’s conveniently located blocks from work (the church) and they have great machines. The locker room is the nicest I’ve seen in a gym with a changing room, so insecure people like me can get dressed. Although, I have been the only one in the locker room every time I have been there so far.  What I don’t like is the check-in.

It’s an easy tag on my key ring that I just scan and go on my way. On a computer screen pops up my picture and a lovely “Hello Kris” greeting. Under it though, are the mocking words, “This is your 4th time here.”

Thank You, Thank You very much for reminding me how hard it is to get back in the habit. That I’ve had the membership almost a month and have only made it there 4 times. That 4 times is not enough to see results. I feel like it laughs at me when I check in. Four is better than none though right? The important thing is that I am there. (I have to keep telling myself that!)

The first visit was brutal. Half hour of cardio was not happening, it still isn’t but it’s getting easier. Today I even tried doing some running. I’m sure I looked like a blob, but it was encouraging that I could go faster starting out than I did the last time I started training. Guess I haven’t completely lost all the good effects. Each visit has gotten a little bit easier though. Soon it’ll be the 14th visit, then 40th, then 400th, right?! I’ve just got to get in the habit again.

In the meantime. Enjoy this video. This is so me and I have had every one of these thoughts!

Temper tantrum

When I weighed in Monday I was ticked. I went sugar free. I did my ab challenge. I worked out when it was inconvenient. All of this in an effort to push past this weight plateau and what was my result? I HAD GAINED. It wasn’t much weight but it WAS defeating.

I started pouting, cursed every stinking sit up and then I just stopped doing them. I let myself stay up late and even indulged in some treats. Why should I work so hard if I wasn’t getting results? I’ve been stuck at this dagnabit weight for weeks months. Why try?

Funny thing is none of the treats were as good as I expected. I was craving fruits. Then yesterday afternoon I felt….gross.

What fun are treats that aren’t that good and feeling awful? None.

I woke up this morning and wanted to work out. So I did. And I weighed in:
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Didn’t significantly gain or lose as a result of my week of pouting but I learned/reminded myself there is more to these lifestyle changes I am making than just what that darn scale reports.

Here’s to a week of working hard and trying not to focus on what the scale may or may not report next week.

Wish me luck!

Starting Over… Again

I’ve heard so many inspirational quotes over the years about weight loss, starting over, succeeding, planning, failing, and all the other things that have to do with weight loss. But the bottom line is, when you don’t stick with it, when you don’t follow the plan… you start over again and again and again. And that’s what I’ve done. Again.

3 weeks ago I had my lap band taken out. It was a huge decision, one I’m still not 100% sure of. But I did it. It wasn’t serving me any good and I was having some pretty awful side effects that I won’t share with you in case you have a weak stomach. So many people have asked me if I’m planning on another surgery or what my plan is from here. Here it is: I plan to succeed. I plan to work out, to eat better, to drink my water, to get sufficient sleep, stop making excuses, and stop cheating myself. If that means I do this on my own, fabulous! If that means that I decide to have another surgery, perfect! But either way, I have the same plan.

This week I have been focusing on eating “clean”. I’ve been eating way more fruits and veggies and whole foods. I’ve been working out daily and I’ve been loading up on water. I feel GREAT! I’ve been sleeping great and have energy like none other! And I’ve lost 5.5 lbs! Motivation right there, huh?! I’ve already made a plan for tomorrow- 4th of July– I’m not setting myself up for failure. I’m planning on allowing myself a little something extra and I’m not going to make myself feel bad for it!

I feel good knowing that I’m moving forward again. After my Dad passed in February, my mom sold her house, Bryant had surgery, Bryant got a new job that is relocating us to Utah, I had surgery, my Mom had surgery, I’ve been packing our home, and taking care of 4 crazy kids. I was spread so thin. I was sinking fast. This week I’ve given myself a half hour a day to work out. It’s made all the difference in the world on my mood and my energy. I finally feel like I’m getting back to me.

Have a safe and happy 4th!

xoxo,

Autumn

I’m ticked

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That is half a pound heavier than last week and I have been working hard! I hate weeks like this!

Instead of my normal, “Nothing I do matters anyway!” pout fest (that usually means I skip workouts and eat all sorts of things I’ve been avoiding) I am trying to double down. No skipping workouts and no sugar.

I type that reluctantly. I am weak. I only decided it this morning after my weigh in to avoid sugar and I’ve already come close to grabbing sugary treats. Can I stay away from sugar?

I can stay away from candy, soda, and other sugar-filled treats (which is where I usually find comfort in my disappointment). I can. Right? I mean, YES, I can.

Wish me luck (and better results at my next weigh in)!

I lost the race

It’s been a while so you probably don’t remember that my friend and I were racing to lose 10 pounds. Winner gets $10. She won. I’m excited for her and don’t mind paying up!

At the same time it’s another one of those “If I had just…” then I would be in a better place right now. Instead I’m kicking myself (figuratively…I’m not THAT flexible).

This past few weeks I think I’ve had some mental/emotional breakthroughs. I am talking to people about my goals again. Heck, I’m setting goals again! I’m finding motivation and new workout buddies.

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My weight is hovering at the plateau I can’t seem to break through again! My goals include
1) Be consistent! A friend reminded me of the importance of this. I do tend to have a really good week or 10 days of workouts then “take a break” for any number of reasons. This morning I was in that mindset. I was ready to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep, but my goal popped into my head. I reluctantly got my tired booty out of bed and went to the 5:45 am cycle/spin class during summer because I knew if I didn’t then I would get my workout in today. Now that I’m home and sweaty I’m glad I did it.
2) Eat my veggies! I’m being purposeful in snacking on veggies and making sure they’re in every meal. It isn’t easy but I want it to be. Working on changing my habits.
3) Complete an ab challenge. I’m on day 8. My hubs is doing it with me for support and because he wants “to get ripped”. It won’t be that hard for him. Part of that goal i started today: checking in on twitter everyday. Need a daily dose of AB? Find me @ilovehar

I may have lost the race but I think I’ve found my focus. Now I’d better hit the shower before the masses wake up and want things like breakfast and to play games.

Wish me luck!

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