Avoidance not Abandonment

First things first, I know it’s not my day, but I’m sure that Kris will understand!
So this morning I was getting ready for church and my hubs says, “have you read AB’s post this week?” *Guilt jab #1 as I sheepishly reply, “No” and then wonder why my hubs is reading what I should be!
So I read your post AB and let me tell you… I have been avoiding this blog like the plague. Let me try and explain.
On June 29 the hubs and I decided to take our fertility issue a step further and did a procedure that would only increase our chances of getting pregnant by a mere 20%. So, I didn’t really tell many people about it. Honestly, I thought it was just kinda fun knowing they were trying to make the timing of the struggle we were having work. I kept telling myself not to get excited because let’s be real.. it’s been 5 1/2 years. So we go and do the procedure and then I have to wait 2 full weeks to find anything out. During this time I limited myself to only certain websites because I know myself. I would only allow myself to go on google or bing if it was a true reason– not just to check what dim whit could tell me early pregnancy signs or that IUI was not effective treatment for someone with PCOS and Endometriosis. I needed to get out of my own head and be completely oblivious to the internet. A few days before I was allowed to test I was at work and got a funky pain. I thought it was cramps and went to reach for some meds and something popped in my head not to take them in case I was pregnant. So I didn’t.

Now, I own stock in pregnancy tests so the morning I was allowed to test I woke up at 3 am and let my dogs out to go potty and decided to go myself. Now, my thoughts this entire time were it was 3 and I had 3 1/2 full hours to mope and be sad all by myself when the test came back negative. But it didn’t. It came back with 2 pink lines. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was nervous. I got labs done and the rest is a dream that I still pinch myself to make sure I’m living.

Fast forward 11 weeks and 5 days… Friday I heard the most beautiful sound of my baby’s little heart beat on the doppler. Amazing. I’m feeling great, but have gained almost 12 lbs. I’m trying really hard not to let that number bother me. When you’ve spent the last 3 years obsessing about making that number go down seeing it slowly rise is…so discouraging. I know I’m not eating how  should {protein and I are not friends right now. However, sugar and  I have a love affair going on!} and I sleep more than I thought was humanly possible. I can’t tell you the last time I did formal exercise. I’m slacking big time. And I didn’t want to share because I felt Guilty. I thought I was letting my blog friends down.

At my Dr appointment on Friday I talked to my Dr about my weight gain {because I am considered high risk I’ve already had about 3 ultrasounds so my dr is more than aware of my weight, I’m sure}. He didn’t give the typical dr answer. He really talked to me. He told me when you have such horrible morning all day sickness it’s very common to crave sweets {he also indicated this could determine the sex of my baby, but we won’t call that doctrine!}. He told me to stop stressing and start enjoying. He reminded me this was something I had prayed, hoped, wished, and dreamed of for the past 5 years. Just enjoy. Now, he did caution me to try and not go overboard and to get enough fiber and protein.

AB, you are not alone. We all struggle. We all feel abandoned and we all abandon at some point in time. Thank you for starting this blog and getting so many of us excited about getting back to that number that isn’t embarrassing {or the number that I put on my drivers license but have never weighed as an adult}. I love reading your thoughts and struggles. Love you!!

So, my sweet blogging friends, that is why I went MIA. I’m having a baby. And getting fat. And trying to just soak it all in. I do have to say my baby bump is darling… though I know it’s more bloat that baby, I still love it. I love knowing that in March I’ll be holding a little one in my arms. My children are so excited and so is my hubs. I’m going to try and update as much as possible. But I would love ANY tips on how you all made it through pregnancies without eating See’s Candy out of business!

XOXO,

Autumn

 

ps

If you want to follow my pregnancy journey you can read more at www.growingthegang.com

 

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Posted on September 2, 2012, in AB, Autumn and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I am so excited for you! Thanks for sharing your story and for your love. Your doc is right…soak it up. Enjoy the freedom…within reason. Congratulations!!!

  2. Ok my dear you so get a Pass!! There is no way anyone would say you should feel guilty for anything except for maybe not telling us sooner!!!!
    We struggled with fertility issues and miscarriages. It can be such a heartache that makes the pregnancy that much sweeter.
    I am afraid as someone who ended up needing medication to slow the vomiting for the whole 9 months, I do not have any “tips.”
    There are suckers you can get at the health food store that help with nausea as well as a sweet tooth.
    I will say, and please DO NOT feel bad, but just getting a walk a day to help keep up your endurance as well as staying healthy will help in the delivery room. Nothing fancy, Just a walk. You can think of baby names as you do it. Kris is nice for a girl or a boy! LOL!
    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

  3. Squats! I’ve heard from more than one friend that doing lots of squats while pregnant will aid in a good delivery. And ginger….I love DoTerra essential oils and the ginger will def help with your nausea.

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