I gained half a pound.
I was feeling so confident! I got 3 and a half workouts in. I felt like I looked better in my clothes. I pulled out a pair of pants from the dark recesses of the closet and remembered why I liked them before I had banished them for being tight. However, the outcome of my weigh-in was NOT what I anticipated.
So I thought I would measure. I hadn’t done that since February. I was sure it would show results that the scale did not. That I would be buoyed up when I saw those inches coming off.
Except I didn’t.
Instead of inches coming off I found that I had increased overall by about 3 inches since February. Talk about discouragement!!! Then I pulled classic AB out of my hat and started to justify what I was seeing, give it an outside cause, but after a few minutes I remembered my one blog rule: Be honest. I needed to begin with being honest to myself.
This past week I repeatedly justified eating unhealthy snack and treats. REPEATEDLY! Frequently this week as I was eating a cookie (or ice cream or straight up chocolate chips) I wondered what happened to the AB of last September/October. She could turn down treats. She could avoid the kitchen when she was tired. She had determination. Where did that come from. It must still be inside me! I just need to find that AB again. I’m going to spend time this weekend looking at my earlier blog posts, reading my personal journal, and praying. Maybe by next Friday I will find the AB who can stand in a circle of friends and watch while they eat pretty cupcakes. Maybe then I can hold my head up high, because right now I’m feeling a little ashamed of myself. I don’t want to lie to anyone, especially not me. Yet I seem to continually set myself up for failure.
Well! Failure is not an option this time around. I’m confronting this nasty bad habit head on….tomorrow. Because tonight I’m falling asleep at the desk.
Wish me luck!