Death still sucks

I lost my uncle this week. I know. It’s unreal how many people around me have died in the last 6 weeks. People are starting to think it’s dangerous to associate with me. I’m starting to think they are right.

I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of coping. I’m tired of starting to excited for something (like Christmas and a break from school) only to have my parade rained out. This week I was in finals and trying really hard to not think about how my amazing Uncle Bart will never give me that loving look of praise again or call me “AB”. He’s the one who gave me the nickname when I was a munchkin. There won’t be another holiday where we are all sitting around waiting to eat because he will be here “soon”. How boring is that?!

I didn’t step on scale this week. I didn’t even exercise. I did take 4 finals and go to my check up at the doctor’s office.

My weight loss was as expected and I won’t know until next week what my A1C is…but I have a feeling that he’ll be upping my medication. Because despite my efforts in both diet and exercise my blood sugar has still been high. My blood pressure was high, too, but he’s giving me a pass because of my week. I have to go back in a few weeks to have it checked again.

Please, please do not make me go on an additional medication for that!

Since my schedule will be freed up after tomorrow afternoon (services for Uncle Bart), my plan for the week is to exercise every day Monday thru Saturday for at least 30 minutes. Cleaning the house won’t count. I’m going to get lots of water in and watch my carb intake. More veggies. And I’m going to pray every day that it’s a long time before someone else I love dies, because I need a doggone break. I would like to spend this Christmas season enjoying the people I love and not stressing out about anything. I hope that is not too much to ask.

Wish me luck!


Posted on December 9, 2011, in AB and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. My heart breaks for you sweetie. I wish I had words that would help. From the little you have said, I am sure your uncle would not want you to give up.Keep working toward your goals. Even if getting healthy is in small steps, it is going to keep you around for your family for a long time!
    Sending you a very big hug with an extra squeeze!!

  2. I’m praying for you. I always thought Bart was such a looker for an old man! I smile at the memories I have of him while we were growing up (high school). Sounds like you have a great plan and know it’s doable for you. Keep working on your weight. Because medicine gets adjusted one way now doesn’t mean it can’t be adjusted the other way down the road. I love you more than words can express. Keep fighting the good fight.

  3. Oh AB! It’s a time and a season, it will pass. When we lived in Vernal there was a time when I felt like everyone was dying and it was so devestating and emotional to always be struggling with those feelings! But it will pass, and things will get back to normal. I’m so so sorry for your loss. But Bart was probably needed desperately on the other side and he would want you to be happy without him. We’ll say lots of prayers for you to feel that peace.

    Have you tried oils for your blood sugar? Slim & Sassy and cinnamon (Slim & Sassy actually has cinnamon in it, but I’d add extra) in a capsule will make a HUGE difference. It’s supposed to balance your metabolism and help with your blood sugar so that you don’t have as many cravings. I’ve also heard of people using coriander. I LOVE Slim & Sassy in a capsule, it helps with my energy a TON and with my appetite. If you want to try it, I’d get a big capsule and add 6-8 drops of Slim & Sassy. If you have them, you can also put in a couple of cinnamon and if you have coriander I’d do 3-4 drops too.

    Love you AB! You’re amazing! You’ll be in our prayers.

    • Thanks, Emili! I’ve only tried Slim & Sassy in my water and wasn’t a fan. I will try it in a capsule this week with some cinnamon! Thank you for being my essential oil “desk” reference. Some day I’ll get on the ball and learn all this stuff!

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