Me time.. really?

       I have been a pseudo single Mom of 4 little monkeys for the past seven months. The worst part of this deployment has been finding the time energy for a little personal time. I have discovered in this journey of my weight, that I am finding just that…time for me. We have all, as Mom’s, been there. We put the kiddos/dishes/carpool/soccer games….WHATEVER, before us. I am waaay guilty here. I run myself ragged, in twelve different directions…until I finally have a break down. It happens ever once in a while, then I regroup, gain some internal perspective..put my big girl panties on and embrace the suck. LOL. It’s not a perfect technique, and I probably wouldn’t recommend it. However, it has made me realize that I really haven’t known who I am in a very long time. I was always defined by something that truly wasn’t “MINE”. Whether it be my husbands career, my kids achievements, a clean house, it had to do with me..but it wasn’t all mine. This weight loss journey…it is ALL MINE. I own it, for better or worse. Lately, that has also encompassed..in sickness and in health. LOL. The realization that changing my body is entirely up to me..is both gratifying, and scary.

       I achieved a major step this week. I no longer look in the mirror and completely pick myself apart. I know that doesn’t sound like much..but for me, it is a HUGE hurdle to overcome. I have also decided I like my hands. I know, random..however, I haven’t liked anything on my body in a very long time. Right now..it is my hands. With the weight loss, my wrists have actually become (gasp) t-i-n-y. My rings slide off my fingers, and I feel  very pretty when I look at my “slender” hands. LOL. Hey, baby steps remember…I will like other things eventually..so we will take what we can get. So, this week I want to challenge each of you to look at yourself in the mirror and decide on one feature that you “like”. You don’t have to love it, just like it. It is amazing how that one realization will make you feel, and I am hoping, will blossom into many more “likes” in my near future.

           As for the nuts and bolts. I had a major break-through the end of last week..and now I have hit another stand still. No movement since then. I know, you are thinking “holy cow lady..you’re still losing, be happy”. And I truly am trying to be, I am just my toughest critic and I want to do better. I am hovering at 248  lbs. Yes, I broke the 240’s wooohoo..but I want to destroy them now. I did however, do some calculating. I have now lost exactly (drum roll)… 80 pounds since my husband left in late March. That number makes me keep going..that number makes me happy. Why? Because it is MINE, and MINE alone. I own it because I achieved it!!!

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Posted on October 19, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Own it! I am so happy that you are doing this little blog with me. I love you. I have had a break down kind of a week (and I promised Rae no candy – dagnabit)! Good news helps me with embracing the suck, but thanks for the reminder.

    I’m glad you like your hands. And you are losing weight dang fast! You’re gonna weigh less than me by Christmas at the rate….and I will totally hate you for it. But then I’ll remember that it’s Christmas and I’ll love you again.

  2. You are doing an awesome job! 🙂 I’m so happy for you. Owning it will continue to help you feel a sense of control, responsibility, and pride. With your consistency and persistence, you’re not only reshaping your body, but your self-image. It may come a little at a time – but it’s coming! You’re doing a fabulous job and I am very happy for you! (((hugs)))

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