Guest post: Kim, part two
The Big How?
Do any of you watch The Biggest Loser? My friend and I were talking about if we went on that show what would be our back story. HOW? How did we get to this point?
Well to be honest I don’t know. I finally feel like I am the size that I felt like I was in high school. I still remember hitting puberty and going up a couple sizes in clothes rather rapidly. My mom told me it was ok, my older sister put on weight too but she joined tack and field in high school and her body was evening out. I heard you are fat and unless you run your heart out like your older sister, you’ll stay fat. I HATE running so I decided I was fat. (I was not fat! I wasn’t as skinny as my mom but I don’t think I was any bigger than my sister was in high school. Now I look at pictures from high school and wish I was that size again).
I was blissful in high school. I never had to worry about boys. I knew none of them would like me. I was fat. We were all just friends. I had some amazing friends in high school and lucky for me we are still friends today. Our kids even get along great. Some of my girl friends were/are terribly skinny and petite. (even after pregnancy!) I was smart enough for me so between having great friends and getting good grades my self esteem was high enough.
This is where stress and worry entered my life in a big way though. My mom has been bedridden since I was in middle school so I took care of my younger sisters and worried about my mom’s health constantly. I also had normal high school questions like “What college are you going to?” and “How are you going to pay for it?”
I graduated with my degree in psychology and then I actually married one of my friends from high school. We never dated in high school. But when I did start dating, I started eating out. My nemesis is cooking. We don’t get along. If the recipe isn’t easy I have to plan an entire day to attempt it. I hate cooking and often by the end of the day I have a major headache and am exhausted. That is when we’ll go to Taco Bell and get tacos, to Wendy’s and get hamburgers or just order in a pizza. To the tune of three times a week our meal is eating out. (Not always cuz I’m lazy but also because I’ve run out of time to cook and the two year old needs food NOW, or because we are running errands out or because we are with family that wants to eat out.)
What else is there at restaurants? SODA! I love me some Pepsi. The real stuff. It not only tastes better but I have figured out aspartame gives me headaches. After I had my daughter I loaded up on the Pepsi. Sometimes I would have what I called a “2 Pepsi Day” which meant I didn’t sleep much, my daughter was having a rough day and I “needed” the caffeine to make it through the day.
In short, I never learned how to eat properly. I raised myself and cooked a good portion of my family’s meals. I remember getting pizza and fries for lunch at school and am wondering why that was even an option! Some of the recipes we have in our family’s weekly meal rotation need adjustments to make them healthier. I need to get active in making my own meals and in getting workouts and activities with my daughter worked into my schedule. I also need to lower the stress and cortisol. Just calm down mind! (the saying “it’s easier said than done” comes to mind here)
Please tell me I’m not the only one wrestling with these issues because I don’t want to be alone. I plan on sharing what I figure out with you, so hopefully some of you would like the info!