Woman in the Mirror

Jumping on the scale this morning after my walk with my little man, I discovered a nice surprise. I haven’t seen this number in a very long time, and it feels pretty good. However, when I look into the mirror, I see a whole different picture. Staring at myself, I DON”T SEE CHANGE. Okay, thats a bit of a lie, I see some changes. However, the first reaction I have is not “Wow, I have lost a lot of weight”. Instead it sounds more like this, “Wow..I have a LOT of weight to lose.” It is frustrating. I am having a difficult time accepting the fact that I have made some pretty major improvements while overlooking the obvious…that I have a long way to go. I know it sounds weird, and maybe a little vain, who knows. All I know is I feel like I haven’t done enough, and I wonder…constantly, if my husband (who come home from deployment soon) will even notice. He is wonderful, and has commented multiple times how proud of me he is…I just wish I felt the same. Weightloss is so much more than just the diet and exercise. It is truly figuring out how to adjust your psyche to fit the ever changing you. I guess I have been trapped inside a fat girl’s body for so long, that I don’t know anything different. I am not skinny. I am not AS ginormous as I used to be, I am an in-between.

So here is my new goal for the next week. Oh, and BTW, I will have my first “fill” with my lapband next Tuesday..kinda excited, it should kick-start my motivation while putting more brakes on my appetite. (basically a fill is where they add saline to the actual band around my stomach, thus reducing the intake size=restriction of eating large amounts of food, getting FULL A LOT faster!) Totally hoping for awesome results!!!

1. Continue to exercise on a daily basis. I have found that I am actually ENJOYING (gasp) this. I have been alternating between my “Biggest Loser” cardio work-out (or as I say, “talking to Bob”) and going on a 5-mile walk with my little guy.

2. Try to find something to reward myself with that has nothing to do with spending $ or food. This is my crutch, I do one or the other..and I think self-esteem wise (and nicer on my budget) I need to find something that is just a “me” thing. Scrapbooking comes to mind..a very long-lost friend.

3. Weightloss goal: 5lbs. I want to see more of the 250’s …and get as far away from the 260 window as I can.

That’s it. I decided not to overwhelm myself, or even worse..set myself up for disappointment. Trying to keep things short and sweet. Manageable. The mirror-issue will work itself out in due time. I need to just keep a focus on the positive (which can be REALLY hard sometimes), and not so much the overwhelming bigger picture. My mind and body need to somehow come to an understanding that I am changing…for the better. Maybe then my eyes will allow me to see those changes in the mirror. A girl can dream. LoL. Happy Weightloss laddering my friends…. until next week.    ~Aims.