Woman in the Mirror

Jumping on the scale this morning after my walk with my little man, I discovered a nice surprise. I haven’t seen this number in a very long time, and it feels pretty good. However, when I look into the mirror, I see a whole different picture. Staring at myself, I DON”T SEE CHANGE. Okay, thats a bit of a lie, I see some changes. However, the first reaction I have is not “Wow, I have lost a lot of weight”. Instead it sounds more like this, “Wow..I have a LOT of weight to lose.” It is frustrating. I am having a difficult time accepting the fact that I have made some pretty major improvements while overlooking the obvious…that I have a long way to go. I know it sounds weird, and maybe a little vain, who knows. All I know is I feel like I haven’t done enough, and I wonder…constantly, if my husband (who come home from deployment soon) will even notice. He is wonderful, and has commented multiple times how proud of me he is…I just wish I felt the same. Weightloss is so much more than just the diet and exercise. It is truly figuring out how to adjust your psyche to fit the ever changing you. I guess I have been trapped inside a fat girl’s body for so long, that I don’t know anything different. I am not skinny. I am not AS ginormous as I used to be, I am an in-between.

So here is my new goal for the next week. Oh, and BTW, I will have my first “fill” with my lapband next Tuesday..kinda excited, it should kick-start my motivation while putting more brakes on my appetite. (basically a fill is where they add saline to the actual band around my stomach, thus reducing the intake size=restriction of eating large amounts of food, getting FULL A LOT faster!) Totally hoping for awesome results!!!

1. Continue to exercise on a daily basis. I have found that I am actually ENJOYING (gasp) this. I have been alternating between my “Biggest Loser” cardio work-out (or as I say, “talking to Bob”) and going on a 5-mile walk with my little guy.

2. Try to find something to reward myself with that has nothing to do with spending $ or food. This is my crutch, I do one or the other..and I think self-esteem wise (and nicer on my budget) I need to find something that is just a “me” thing. Scrapbooking comes to mind..a very long-lost friend.

3. Weightloss goal: 5lbs. I want to see more of the 250’s …and get as far away from the 260 window as I can.

That’s it. I decided not to overwhelm myself, or even worse..set myself up for disappointment. Trying to keep things short and sweet. Manageable. The mirror-issue will work itself out in due time. I need to just keep a focus on the positive (which can be REALLY hard sometimes), and not so much the overwhelming bigger picture. My mind and body need to somehow come to an understanding that I am changing…for the better. Maybe then my eyes will allow me to see those changes in the mirror. A girl can dream. LoL. Happy Weightloss laddering my friends…. until next week.    ~Aims.

Posted on September 21, 2011, in Aims and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I am SO impressed with your post, your results, and your goals! I too have the same issue when looking in the mirror… you have to be grateful for every step of improvement… wherever it comes from, physical, mental, psychological… it all matters! Your hubby will see both the physical loss and the emotional gains! Congrats and thank you for the post:)

  2. You’re doing so well! I’m impressed with you goals: manageable but challenging. You’re a strong, dedicated, amazing woman. 🙂 Love ya.

  3. Great goals…and I was totally thinking scrapbooking when you said not spending money or eating! I know you well, friend. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m excited to see us all progressing together…emotionally and otherwise. Maybe next time you, Rae and I are in the same room we’ll all be a few sizes smaller?!

  4. I like your goals…achievable, challenging and rewarding. You’ll be seeing huge changes in the mirror as you continue. Hoping your arm is doing better and that your “fill” is doing it’s job. Love you! Keep it up!!! AB, I like that plan!

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